Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year, New Job and I'm Gonna Get Mine

Today marks the close of another year and the birth of a new one. I've said in previous posts that at the beginning of each year, I always say the same thing. This is the year that I'm going to get mine. And while I've said it in vain everytime before, THIS year, I really am going to get mine. I know this because of my anger level. A lot of times, for whatever reason, whether it's genetics or my upbringing or just my stupid self, when I get angry, I tend to withdraw rather than explode. I withdraw and I fester and nothing good comes of it because I'm just choosing to be mad at the situation instead of doing something because that is much harder and the first thing is much easier. But no more of that. I'm so tired of hating myself for not being better and not going out and taking the things I want in life. My anger is finally moving me to action and while part of me wonders if I'm lying both to all of you and to myself, this anger really does feel like it is here to stay until it is finally sated.
I am going to start a new job on Monday. I have mixed feelings about it. It's another temp job at Lovelace Health Plan which is where I worked before I was let go. They liked me so much that they wanted me back even though they obviously didn't like me enough to pay me more than I got last time especially considering that I'm taking on more responsibilities this time. I was hesitant to take it because I kind of just feel like I've moved on now. I'm not the same person I was when I left that place. But at least I'll be making money again and being more productive. I still plan to continue looking for a better job while I'm there as well and this time, I really am going to stick with it whereas other times I said this but usually gave up after a few tries.
I don't know what'll happen but I'm tired of sitting around waiting for life to come to me. I've wasted too much time doing that and I can't waste anymore. I'm also considering looking for a job out-of-state which is something I've never considered before. I still love Albuquerque but staying here just isn't as important to me as it used to be. I'm growing up and I've changed and I'd rather live somewhere else with a job I love then live here with a crappy one. It's taken me a long time to learn that but I'm glad I finally have.
So, here's hoping that this is the year that I get what's mine. I hope the same for all of you.


Delirious said...

This reminds me of the saying, "Fight or flight". Maybe before you chose flight, and now you are choosing to fight? Either way, I wish you the best of luck. My daughter is trying to find a job too. It's kind of scary in one way, but kind of exciting in another!

Inklings said...

Good Luck! I hope you find something great.

Amber said...

good luck! This is the Year of Babs!! ;>