Random Crap and a Song

I haven't posted in a long time because I've had a hell of a month.

Stace-Ghost and I are finally in our house and we love it. We still need to put some stuff away and hang up some pictures but everything is mostly in its right place. It still doesn't seem real. I still feel like I'm going to wake up one day and the dream will be over and we will have to leave. I bought an electric lawnmower today and mowed the lawn with it. It actually worked surprisingly good except for the fact that it felt like I was vacuuming the lawn, since I constantly had to lift the power cord out of the way like you do with a vacuum cleaner. I still have to fix the shower knob in our master bathroom. We managed to break it on the first night in the house. It'll be easy to fix it though. The hardest part will be finding a knob that fits it.

I kind of lost my job on the same day we were moving into our house. I am a temp for Lovelace so I still have work but I was unfairly reassigned. The day when it happened, I was told that the assignment was coming to an end and that's all, despite the fact that my manager had told me that they wanted to make it into a permanent position. Later on, I was texting a co-worker just trying to find out if there was another reason I was let go, because I always felt like my boss never really liked me (although there was no reason for him not to, I think it was just because I didn't suck up to him like everyone else did). My co-worker then started telling me that she was the reason I was let go. She didn't feel like I was the right fit for the job, that I was lazy, that I wasn't detail-oriented and since she was sort of like my supervisor, she told my boss all of these things and he let me go without even letting me defend myself against her very untrue allegations. The following Tuesday, I sat down with my HR rep and discussed it with her. I seriously thought of little else the entire weekend since I was so angry about it, which was a real downer since I should have been really happy to finally get into our house. However, when I talked with my HR rep, I finally got closure on it. I told her about everything and all of my suspicions about why I was let go and told her that I really didn't want my job back and I didn't want revenge (although I guess I did a little bit) but was there to defend my reputation as I thought that there were things said about me that were untrue. She assured me that there were no allegations against me, that the assignment had just come to an end, and that she was trying to find me more work. I really felt better after that meeting and I could finally stop thinking about it.

They did find me something for these past two weeks, just kind of sending faxes out and making phone calls for a team of nurses but the assignment ends tomorrow and I'm not sure if they have anything else lined up for me. I've started looking for other work, both in Lovelace and other places. I'm tired of being a temp. It's awful work, not because of the work that you do but because you get to know people, start to get comfortable and then are pulled from it suddenly. I hope I find something.

I have to go camping tomorrow, taking the 11 year old scouts on a quick camping trip. I went and got my camping stuff (which is actually my Dad's camping stuff) and realized after pulling it out of the closet that I was ready to go. I didn't have to pack anything. I just had to pull it out of the closet and go.

I've had this song in my head all week so I thought I'd share it with all of you. It's by a new band called The Temper Trap and the song is called Sweet Dispositions. It sounds like a U2 or Arcade Fire song. It's also interesting that their lead singer is from Indonesia. I dig it. I hope you do as well. That's it for me. I'll try not to be such a stranger.

Otis Redding Is A Genius

For some reason, I heard Otis Redding the other day and decided I needed to buy one of his albums. It's so good! I always liked "Sittin' On The Dock of the Bay" but that is all you ever hear from him on the radio. He has such a great voice, it's just so soulful and you can just hear a world of emotion in it. Here are some of my favorites. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Top 40 Albums of All-Time-2010 Edition

I've been a little late it posting my annual albums list but here you go! Lots of changes this year. I think it has to do with the fact that at my current job, I'm allowed to listen to my iPod. I'm pretty sure that this has resulted in me getting bored with a lot of albums that usually rank higher. However, that is no excuse. Great albums get better the more you listen to them and others get worse. Anyway, enjoy!

- sign= How many places the album dropped since last year
+ sign= How many places the album moved up since last year
No Number= The album stayed in the same place
N/A= The album did not appear on the list last year

Without further ado:

40. Chutes Too Narrow- The Shins -12
39. Grace- Jeff Buckley -21
38. Californication- Red Hot Chili Peppers -8
37. Loveless- My Bloody Valentine N/A
36. Transatlanticism- Death Cab For Cutie -5
35. Good News For People Who Love Bad News- Modest Mouse -3
34. Sea Change- Beck -9
33. Transmissions of the Satellite Heart- The Flaming Lips N/A
32. Mule Variations- Tom Waits +1
31. Siamese Dream- Smashing Pumpkins -5
30. In Utero- Nirvana +9
29. Stoned and Dethroned- The Jesus and Mary Chain N/A
28. OK Computer- Radiohead -4
27. 40 Oz. To Freedom- Sublime
26. The Fragile- Nine Inch Nails +11
25. Want One- Rufus Wainwright -3
24. Abbey Road- The Beatles +5
23. Dear Science- TV On The Radio N/A
22. Plans- Death Cab For Cutie -5
21. The Information- Beck -7
20. This Is A Long Drive For Someone With Nothing To Think About- Modest Mouse N/A
19. White Pony- Deftones +2
18. Demon Days- Gorillaz +5
17. Mirrored- Battles +23
16. Sound of Silver- LCD Soundsystem +20
15. Silent Alarm- Bloc Party -2
14. Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots- The Flaming Lips -3
13. Aha Shake Heartbreak- Kings of Leon +3
12. Fever To Tell- Yeah Yeah Yeahs -2
11. Z- My Morning Jacket -3
10. Funeral- The Arcade Fire -1
09. Is This It?- The Strokes N/A
08. The Soft Bulletin- The Flaming Lips -3
07. ( )- Sigur ros
06. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot- Wilco +9
05. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness- Smashing Pumpkins +1
04. Return to Cookie Mountain- TV On The Radio
03. Blood Sugar Sex Magick- Red Hot Chili Peppers -1
02. In Rainbows- Radiohead +1
01. Kid A- Radiohead

There you have it. It seemed stupid to have two albums from the same band at the top but it was impossible to deny the greatness of both albums. Anyway, see you next year.

You DO realize that the house crushed the wicked witch of the east, don't you?

Thought I should get on here and write a quick update since I haven't posted in so long. I've had a few blogs I meant to write but never got around to doing. The main thing that has been going on with us is that Stace-Ghost and I have decided to buy a house. We found out today that we don't qualify for First-Time Home Buyers which means we have to put at least 3.5% down, which isn't much but it is when you have no furniture or appliances. I also had a mini-meltdown today when I was going over our finances, as if we were paying the mortgage, and realized that after everything was paid, there really wasn't anything left. This bothers me because I've always been a person who needed some money to play with, not a huge amount, just enough to go out to eat on weekends, see a movie, or buy a CD. It will be a difficult adjustment. I really just hate how expensive it is to live these days. Apparently we make too much money to qualify for First-Time Home Buyer's but not enough to have any money left after we pay for all of our bills and needs. How does that make sense? I'm really wondering if it is the right time for us to buy a house or if we should wait. I'm not comfortable with buying a house when I'm not even in a career because what if something else came along in another state? But, at the same time, I don't want to sign a 1-year lease to an apartment to just buy a house after the year is up; a total waste of money. I don't know what I should do. I just hope I do when it is time to decide.

Job Update

I don't like talking about myself very much so I'll keep this short. I was offered the ad sales position at Albuquerque the Magazine...kind of. And I turned it down. Basically, they wanted to put me in a sort of job competition. I, and many other prospects, would compete against each other over a 30-day period and whoever had the most sales at the end of the month would be offered the position. All employees would still earn regular commissions on any sales made over the 30 days but they would only earn a minimum wage base salary. With all of these things to consider, I felt it was too risky to do. The job is hard enough as it is (it really might be one of the most unpopular jobs ever created) without having to worry about not having a job next month. I'm feeling okay about it though. I really feel like they are going to remember me if another, more interesting job ever comes along. They really liked me during my interview and I was almost positive that I was going to be offered the position, or at least an invitation to this challenge. So, at least that's something to be happy about. And who knows? Maybe getting them to remember me for the next time I apply there was the entire reason I went through this ordeal. Probably not but you never know. :)

Baggage Lines

Below is a short story that I've written for a submission to a short story contest for Albuquerque the Magazine. The winner will not be announced till April but you can read it now. As with everything I ever write (and probably with everything any writer ever writes), I'm not totally happy with it but there are aspects that I am proud of. It should also be noted that though the protagonist's name is the same name as my father who is at an airport (which is where my father is usually at) that is where the coincidence and inspiration end. Everything else is taken from my own imagination. I hope you enjoy it. There were times where I really didn't believe that I'd be able to meet the Jan 15th deadline so I'm very proud of myself that I was able to. It is fairly long so don't feel bad if you don't have time to read it. I totally understand. :)

“Baggage Lines”

The sign at the gate said, “Check Baggage”. Leon took it too literally. He stood in line and began to run through his entire mind of all the demons in his life he had not laid to rest. What was it that the stewardess had said to him on his last flight?

“No sir, that kind of baggage belongs under your feet and not over your head.”

Leon wondered if his demons manifested themselves on his face. It didn’t take a spiritual leader or medium to see this, merely someone who knew how to read between the lines because Leon had lines for days. In fact, he was in line.

“Next, please…Next…Sir, it’s your turn, sir.”

Someone nudged Leon out of his daze and he came back to reality. Still, those thoughts left the feelings he felt towards himself like echoes in a long hallway. He hated himself for the things he had never been able to do. He hadn’t gone skiing in Aspen. He hadn’t eaten a picnic while watching the sunset. He hadn’t been there for her when she had needed him.

“Sir, you’re holding up the line.”

He wasn’t ready for this. Not yet.

“I just realized I can’t find my ticket. I’ll just…” he said as he stepped out of line and began walking to the back of it. He glanced at the baggage lady and noticed the indifference on her face. She didn’t care what people did as long as her line kept moving. He wasn’t even sure that she realized that he never finished his sentence.

He got to the back of the line and dropped his carry-on bag at his feet. He crouched down and began to look through its contents for his ticket. His fingers brushed against it and he pulled it out and quickly glanced at his destination. HAWAII, it said. He wondered how warm it would be. It was October but that doesn’t typically matter in a place on the equator. He hoped it was as warm as he imagined that it would be. He wondered what she looked like now. Would she recognize him?

He was in line and he was staring at lines on the sign in front of him. Leon wondered if there was some great irony in this, but if there was, he couldn’t see it. He did, however, feel as though he had been standing in line his entire life. Not in a literal sense, of course, but in that great figurative line that everyone seems to wait in until one great day when everything falls into place for them. There were no numbers to take. People were served at random. They were all there for different things but they all wanted the same thing: Happiness. No one was guaranteed to be served and some pass away before they get their chance. Some are served multiple times. Leon wondered if this was because of luck or because of some grand setup. Maybe they were the same thing. Whatever it was, Leon knew that he was on the wrong end of it and had been there for most of his life. Everything that seemed engineered by science and nature to make him happy were the exact things that made him unhappy. Was it the fault of the creator? He often checked his math but it never seemed to add up. The answer was between the lines. Leon was sure of it.

Someone else in line had reached the front and everyone moved forward. Leon watched a pretty woman down the line scratch the back of her head. He immediately noticed the varicose vein that ran up the back of her hand. Was that the life line? Or was the life line on the palm? He stared at his own palm but nothing came to mind except for what his daughter had always said to him.

“My veins are gross. They look like my mother’s and she’s over twice my age.”

Leon had always tried to assure her of the opposite. That seemed to be all he did. He assured her that her clothes were very stylish. He assured her that she did not complain as much as her mother. He assured her that she was not crazy. He assured her things would get better. He assured her that he loved her as much as he said he did.

And he really did, that was the truth. Though it had seemed like the two of them had lived worlds away from each other, his love for his daughter had kept growing day after day. In Leon’s opinion, you don’t ever stop loving someone. It is not some arbitrary decision you make one day as unimportant as someone making a decision to stop eating fast food or stop dressing poorly. Love, to him, was an unalterable fact, just like E equals MC squared or 2+2 equals

“Four,” a voice over the intercom said. “I repeat, Flight 504 has been delayed until four. Thank you.”

Leon heard the familiar clunk as the announcer hung up the intercom phone. He had always hated that sound. It always seemed to ruin whatever tender moment a person was having over the telephone. It was a reminder to the mind of reality and the real nature of things.

“I can’t believe that girl just hung up the phone like that,” his wife had said. “We’re trying to have a serious, adult conversation with her and she just hangs up on us.”

“She’s just a kid,” he said. “She’s starting to realize what it takes to be a grown-up and it scares her.”
Even as he said it, he knew it was partly untrue. She, indeed, was just a kid but he knew that there wasn’t any specific moment where he realized what it took to be a grown-up. He had been at it for over 25 years and he still didn’t know.

“Well,” his wife said, “I don’t know why she just won’t let us help her. She doesn’t have to be scared.”

“It’s because she can do it. She just hasn’t figured that out yet. But, somewhere deep down, she knows,” he said.

“You just don’t want to have to do anything,” his wife said.

Admittedly, Leon usually did take the easy way out of things but when it came to matters concerning his daughter, he did everything he could. He knew his wife was merely angry at being helpless so he let the comment go. He really didn’t want to get into it with her. It was easier being the punching bag.

“Where ya headed?” a short, old man asked, pulling Leon out of his memory.

“Hawaii,” Leon said.

“Oh yeah? I’ve been there once. It was mostly okay,” the old man said.

Leon feigned interest and he thought that the conversation was over but then the old man started up again.

“Why ya wanna go there, now?” he asked, motioning toward the windows.

“I’m going to see my daughter,” Leon said.

“Hmm,” the old man said, “I’m going to see my son. He never did too well without me. I don’t think children ever do, no matter their age.”

Leon smiled as he knew it was true. Though his own mother has long since passed away, he always seemed to hear her voice in the back of his head. He had spent so much time with her throughout his life that he knew what she would say in any given situation. Leon, you need to clean up your mess. Leon, you need to spend more time with your family. Leon, you need to talk to her.

In this way, it was as though she was always with him. She could have been, for all he knew. If his imagination’s version of his mother was to meet his actual mother, he would not be able to tell them apart. It was better this way, in his opinion. It was better to be with someone then to feel alone. He hoped his daughter felt the same way about him.

“What do I do, Dad?” his daughter had asked him as he lay in the hospital bed. “You’re here and Scott is back there and we’re not talking. I don’t know what to do.”

He wanted to help her then. He wanted to tell her that her own happiness was more important than his own, that though he was glad that she was here, he would be happier if she was back with the man that he knew she loved. But the pain prohibited him. He could do nothing but lay there and listen to his daughter’s pain. That was more harmful to him than the physical hurt he felt.

His daughter was sobbing now and though her speech was mostly incomprehensible, he could faintly make out, “Just don’t leave me, Dad. Just don’t leave me.”

She had stayed for a few weeks, he remembered. He couldn’t remember the exact amount of time. He was in and out and everything was hazy in his memory. He couldn’t even remember if he had ever been able to talk to his daughter. But he would now. That was for sure.

“Next,” the baggage lady said, not looking up from her computer.

Leon hesitated. Would she recognize him now? After everything he had been through? He was about to turn and run to the back of the line once more but then, he heard his mother’s voice.

“Leon, you need to talk to her,” his mother said.

With that, he had the courage to step forward. He stepped to the counter and handed the baggage lady his ticket.

“Glad you found your ticket,” she said with a smile, “It’s a lot warmer where you’re headed.”

“I hope so,” Leon said.

Leon climbed aboard Flight 504 and strapped in. There was no one else on board. He didn’t know if he was early or if he was late. It didn’t matter. He was headed to help his daughter because she needed him. Helping her had always been his brightest happiness. He realized that now. The happiness he felt from helping his daughter was a lasting happiness that he knew would always travel with him.

“Do you have any baggage, sir?” the stewardess asked.

Leon realized that he did not have his carry-on bag with him. He had lost it somewhere back at the baggage claim. It didn’t matter now. He was content to leave it where it was. He actually felt some relief from not having it.

“No,” he told the stewardess and she went back to the front of the plane.

The plane ride was long but it didn’t seem so to Leon. His daughter was not at the airport to meet him upon his arrival. He didn’t mind. He found a taxi and traveled to her home. He found her alone in her home, sobbing on the edge of her bed.

“What do I do, Dad? What do I do? How do I get him back?” his daughter said.

He threw his arms around her and it seemed as though she immediately became calmer. He held her close to him, softly rubbing her back. She was still crying but it was coming slower. Though it was selfish for him to think so, he was glad that he was still needed. He was glad that he could still help his only daughter.

“Kristy,” Leon said to his daughter, “you need to talk to him.”

She sobbed and looked down at the tissue in her hand. In her mind, she knew what he was saying was true and when she looked up, she looked in his direction and nodded.

It Is Going Great

Remember two posts ago when I said that I was gonna get mine this year? Well, I've been getting it.
First, I started temping at Lovelace Health Plan a week ago and almost immediately they wanted to make me a permanent temp so that I would be on their payroll. I was initially hesitant but decided to accept it anyway and it got me a two dollar an hour pay raise! So, that was pretty nice. I wasn't crazy about the job but it was something I knew I could do while I kept searching for other jobs.
THEN today, I received a call from Albuquerque the Magazine that they had received my resume and would like to discuss it with me. I'm pretty sure that the job would be selling ad space for the magazine (which isn't the greatest job) but at least I would be involved with doing something that I have a passion for (the written word/publishing). I'm not sure how much it pays but I will keep you all posted about what happens.
THEN, I ran 2 and a half miles without stopping at the gym today which is the farthest I've ran in a long time (it would be the farthest I've run ever if not for a scouting activity when I was younger that required us to run 6 miles in under an hour-which I did...barely).
And THEN, I received an email from Game Informer. I had recently sent them a news tip about a job posting that gave hints about certain video games that the company in question has secretly been working on but has not announced to the public yet. And they posted it and they gave me credit! I'll post the link below for you all to look at. Sadly, unless you are an avid gamer, it'll probably sound like it's in another language to you but what the story boils down to is that the company is making a blockbuster game for Microsoft's Project Natal which will utilize motion-cameras for players to interact with the video game in different ways.
That was the capper on an already fantastic day. You know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"? I think we need something that is the opposite of that. "When it backwards rains, it backwards pours". I don't know. But that is basically what I am feeling right now. Let's hope we keep this up and make this the best year ever!

My name is at the bottom of the article:
Click here to go to the article.