You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello

This coming week is going to be a little strange. A lot of things are gonna happen. Let me break it down.

On Sunday, Stacy and I will teach our last lesson to our Sunday school class (12-14) as we will be released. I don't love teaching but I don't hate it either. Its a pretty easy calling (for me anyway; for Stacy, who has only been an active member for around 3 or 4 years of her life, its a struggle) and I really enjoy the kids' spirits. Often times, I don't even start class till half past the hour because I enjoy talking to them more than I do teaching them. This is the third Sunday school teaching position I've had and its good to be moving on.

The following Saturday, Stacy and I will be moving back into my parent's home. Luckily, the move will probably only take Stacy and I two hours tops to move, since we have so little of stuff. It'll be good to be back home. Most people don't get a chance to move back home after they move out so I'm grateful that I do. It'll be especially nice to be in my queen bed (we've been sleeping in Stacy's bed which is a double; being that I'm nearly 6'3" and she is almost 5'8", it makes things really uncomfortable) but more than that, it will be good to see my Mom and Dad a lot more before they leave. I feel really blessed in that respect, because I think all of my siblings wish they could have that chance as well.

And now for the sad part. On Wednesday, Stacy and I will say goodbye to one of our best friends, Cory. He will be moving to Virginia where he will internship for the next 10 months. The 10 months isn't so bad but both Stacy and I have a feeling that with so many opportunities on the east coast for him (he is in set design; he wants to create and build sets for theater, TV, movies, really anything where he can get his foot in the door) there is a big possibility he might not move back. Its sad for me but especially sad for Stacy, who considers Cory to be her best friend. He's one of the best guys I've ever known just because of his positive attitude towards life. He will be missed.

However, Cory is only the first. In October, my father will move to Ireland, followed by my mom in November. Also, sometime around November or December, my other best friend Mike will be going to Oklahoma to train to be an air-traffic controller. Luckily, he will only be there three months before he comes back. But still, to lose 4 of my favorite people in the span of 3 or 4 months is hard.

Stacy and I have fun with each other, alone, but we often enjoy the company of our friends. With them gone, it will be hard. I suppose, eventually, you live long enough to see all your loved ones go away. I suppose I'm a selfish friend and son, that I'd deny my loved ones from doing what they want to do just so I could keep them around me, so I could talk to them, and hug them, and offer them advice when they need it. We are all selfish in our love, I think. But it is who we love, not who loves us, that makes us who we are. I'm beginning to understand that.

Happy Birthday Gilbert-Girl!

Today is my sister's birthday. As has become standard on these blogs, I have included some favorite memories I have of her.

When I was a kid (I don't quite remember how old but it had to be less than 9), it was my birthday and after the festivities, my sister called me aside away from everyone else. She told me she had to go but she wanted to give me my present. It was a toy car of a blue porsche. She said she loved me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and left with her friends. I remember feeling really special. The car was cool, but the fact that she called me away from everyone else made me feel like we were in on a secret together. She made me really happy.

Gilbert-Girl always stood up for me and always took my side in arguments. I thought sometimes she did it just to irritate my brother and sister but I think it was because she was trying to look out for me, just like my mother would. There were even times when she would take my side in arguments where I knew I was the one being stupid, and it would make me feel bad for getting her involved in a ridiculous argument that I started.

I always kind of had the feeling that she would make all of her boyfriends talk to me and like me because they always made a HUGE effort even when I didn't really want them to (like times when I would be playing video games and they would try to play with me when I just wanted to be left alone). It was almost as if I didn't approve of them, then they weren't the right guy for her. But maybe thats just me being ridiculous.

If she wanted to play the Legend of Zelda, she always made me turn it on for her because "I was the only one who could get it working" even though Survival Knife was just as capable. I didn't mind it though because I was just excited that she was playing my favorite game too.

She always told me when I was a kid that I was her favorite sibling. I never really understood why (although I could see why she didn't like my brother cuz I didn't think too highly of him either) but I sure appreciated it.

Recently, I admitted to her that I used to take spare change from her desk so I could play arcade games at the convenience store. When I said this, she replied, "Well, if you had asked, I would have given it to you." I'll always remember that. It made me feel so bad for taking it (as I told my wife later) but also made me feel the deep connection her that her and I have always had. It wasn't that the connection was gone, it was that I had just forgotten about it.

There's a photo I have of me as a child, and Gilbert-Girl who still looks like a child as well, and we are standing in the backyard of our home in Garland. The sunlight is shining through the trees and Gilbert-Girl is making me look at the camera. She has a bright warm smile and she looks as if there was no one in the world she would rather be around. I think its one of my favorite photos of all-time.

Memories are the bright lights in an incresingly dark world. Though she has her own family now, and I have been significantly bumped down her favorite peoples list (as I should be), I'll always remember how, for some reason, she decided to become my protector and 2nd mother, lovingly doing things for me even though she did not have to. I have nothing but the happiest birthday wishes for her. I love you, big sister.

Trying

I've been thinking about this for awhile but haven't posted about it because I was kind of scared of the response I would get. But it's built up in me to the point where I have to share. Lately, I've been trying to be...well, a man. That sounds like its a god given right but it really is something that a young man has to learn how to be. I think part of the reason I've had the urge is I'm just burnt out with being a kid. I'm tired of wasting money. I'm tired of being unsure and afraid of a variety of things. I'm getting old. I know I'm far from grandchildren, wheelchairs and pointless surgeries but 23 is old enough where a person has to start growing up. Part of me feels like I can't really be a man till I find a REAL job and start making some real money (which is part of the reason I've been looking so hard for a job). But its other things too. I want to do the right things for my family and my friends. I want to be an example to them. I want people to respect me for who I am. I want to be the guy that people come to for help or advice. I want to be like my brother, or brother-in-law, but most of all, like my father. To my recollection, there is no better example of how a man should live his life. This doesn't mean I'm going to become some lame shut-in who only worries about money and never has fun. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop playing music or video games. But I want to be better. I'm trying to be better. I know I'm a ways off...but I'm trying.

Ten Things I Want To Do Before I Die

(Not in Any Order)

10. See Ireland and Japan.
9. Write and record at least 100 songs.
8. Earn a ph.d in anything (but preferably in English or Marketing). If time permits, earn a second ph.d.
7. See a Beatle perform. (preferably Paul)
6. See a World Cup match.
5. Meet one of my grandchildren.
4. Finish writing a book. (it doesn't matter if its ever published or not)
3. Take my wife on a honeymoon. (it still hasn't happened yet)
2. Work in either the music or video game industries. (preferably video games-there's not a bright future for the music industry)
1. Live to see the Cowboys win another Super Bowl. (next season?)

10 Things I Thought To Myself While I Was Really Sick In Bed

10. I have to pee...or poop...oh well...I'll just go to the toilet and see what happens.
9. I'm dying...I'm really dying...this is the end....My wife will be a widow at 25...I wonder who will go to my funeral...I wonder what food will be at my funeral...I'm hungry...
8. I'm gonna puke...I don't think I can make it to the trash can quick enough...maybe if I don't move, nothing will happen...maybe if I don't think, nothing will happen...don't think...don't think...I'm still thinking...I'm thinking about not thinking...
7. Are you kidding me? It has to have been at least 20 minutes since I last looked at the clock...
6. I wonder if I'm gonna get bedsores...I saw someone get bedsores in a movie once...that was gross...
5. You would think people would make ceilings more interesting to look at...I wonder if you could mount a TV on that?
4. Locke really can't be dead...I mean, come on!
3. I better not still be sick when the new Batman comes out...if I still am, maybe I could just get out of bed and paint my face white and say I'm the Joker...
2. Man, I keep getting these hot flashes...can men even get that? I thought that was a woman thing...
1. I think I single-handedly keep Kleenex in business...

Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell

There is a song that lately, for reasons I don't quite understand, I haven't been able to stop listening to. It's a song called "Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell" and it's by the Flaming Lips, from their album, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. The album is one of my all-time favorites. It starts off as a concept album, about a girl named Yoshimi who must fight giant pink robots to save humanity but then, halfway through, it turns into an album about the bittersweet truths in life. The song (don't be daunted by the name-I really don't see any relevance it has to the song) "Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell" has these lyrics that I can't get out of my head: "I was waiting on a moment/ But the moment never came/All the billion other moments/ Were just slipping all away". The lyrics sing about loss but the music is quite upbeat and happy (which being a musician myself, I can tell you that that was a conscious decision). This dichotomy of loss over a happy backbeat of acoustic guitars, violins and keyboards is (I think) the main reason I can't get it out of my head. If the singer is sad, why is the rest of the song happy? Is it because the band feels that when one loses something, they also gain something else as well? Or is it that they wanted to convey that a person can be sad while everything else around them is going well? And its led me to think a lot about other things as well. Am I just waiting on a moment that will never come? And if I am, what other moments am I missing? Sometimes, I believe we get too caught up in waiting for how things are going to be in the future that we let other opportunities slip by us because we are set on staying on our linear path to the future or whatever thing it is that we really want (I know, I know, I'm swimming in a sea of cliche right now). But sometimes I really think God tries to send us messages subtely (sp?) and he tells us in things we know, like how this has been one of my favorite songs (to me favorite songs is a big category-I probably have over 200 favorite songs) for years but only now am I really starting to contemplate its message both to what the band meant it to say to the rest of the world, and what it means to me. Hopefully I figure out what God is trying to tell me before more moments slip away.
(Below I have posted a video with the song on it...the video is apparently from the movie "Metropolis" but it has no relation to the song and the only reason I posted it was so you could hear the song-but the video is pretty cool too though)

Even More Reasons Why I Hate My Job

About a month ago, some serious stuff went down at my work. To those who do not remember, I work for Matheson Flight Extenders which is a company that is sub-contracted by FedEx to help sort mail. My company handles 40% of all the mail in Albuquerque. Since there's about a half a million people in Albuquerque, thats a lot of mail. Well, what happened was two guys who work the night shift (12am-4am-not the shift I work) got caught stealing mail. Apparently, the Feds had been watching them since last October because they knew someone was stealing but they didn't know who it was. Obviously, they were arrested (and fired, seeing that they're gonna do jail time) and it threw the corporate people into an uproar. Two weeks ago, one of the corporate people came to talk to us and told us that they had considered firing everyone just to make sure that they had gotten rid of all the thieves. Naturally, this made me very angry and they should consider themselves lucky they did not fire me and everyone else because I would have raised some serious hell if they had. I was so angry because I've worked at this job for over a year and half and I don't steal, I'm one of the hardest workers, and I've only called in 4 times the whole time I've been employed by them. I'm also the only one in our area that has a college degree. Apparently, all of those qualities don't mean crap to them. We've also been losing people left and right. In the past month and a half, 3 people have quit and 3 people have been fired (including the 2 that were caught stealing). This has left us extremely short-handed, requiring a few of us to do the work of many, all while being outside in 90 degree heat. It's ridiculous. I'm sorry to complain but I just had to vent about it.