Bullet for Babs

Gold

2011-09-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

This is the first song on my first solo album, Apologies, and I've never been able to top it. Being that I've only ever given my albums out to close friends, they all seem to agree that this is my best song. It came very naturally as do all of my better songs and I wrote and recorded the entire thing in around a half an hour. The lyrics are a bit absurd but feel cohesive both in idea and delivery. I'm still the most proud of the piano part during the chorus which just seemed to come to me out of thin air. Hope you enjoy it.

Gold by iceap12

Digging

2011-06-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

I recently entered a flash fiction contest in our local newspaper. The contest was to write a story in 119 words or less. I do not expect to win. Actually, I really think my story is pretty much crap. Writing a story in 119 words or less is really difficult. I originally wrote it thinking that it could be 199 words or less and that original version read much better. I happened to glance at the ad again and realized I had to cut it down by almost half. Because of that, it really doesn't read very well. I thought about trashing the whole thing but the contest allowed a person two different entries. I figured I would submit it and write another entry later. I didn't. You can read the story below. It's morbid and dark but if nothing else, at least I told a full story in 119 words, even if it is really crappy and generic.

Digging

Digging, digging, digging. Just a little more and it will all be over.

How did it come to this?

For awhile, it was perfect. We’d take trips to the beach and she’d tuck her hands in my boxers as we lay there soaking up the sun. Her dark hair would shine in the sunlight but it was her smile that lit up the world.

Digging. Almost there.

It started with him. She thought he’d be perfect for our plan.

It was supposed to be pinned on him.

Not on me.

“Alright,” the guard said. “You have a half-hour.”

I sat in my hole and pulled out the shiv. It went through my skin like butter.

No more digging.

Talkin' Death Letter Blues

2011-05-26T22:57:00.000-07:00

YouTube is the gift that keeps on giving. Spend 20 minutes on there just clicking on random videos and you're bound to find gems like this. This is an old blues singer called Son House performing "Death Letter Blues" in 1967. The White Stripes redid this song almost 40 years later but I never knew that their version was a cover until now. Though I love the White Stripes, there's just no beating a performance like this. I love how he just stands up there by himself and sings with so much soul and honesty like a prophet of old coming to tell us all to quit our wicked ways. I've always loved how blues and soul speak so openly and honestly about real pain as a way of taking away it's power. It's like the old story about how if you put a name to something then it's not so scary. Except with the blues, it's almost an exorcism, where you sing about it so you can almost relive the pain so you can know for sure that it can't hurt you anymore. Anyway, I'll stop waxing philosophically about the blues and just let you enjoy the video.

Soon

2011-05-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

I opened my email the other day to see that I had an email from one of my favorite bands, the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I opened it eagerly to see the following:

That was it. That was the entire email. I guess this is their way of letting people know that their first album in 5 years is soon to come out. But...I already knew that. So, thanks for the email guys but next time send me some new music instead.

High School Is Such A Serious Thing - These Problems Matter

2011-05-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

I listen to the Edge every morning and they often have teenagers who call in and want to talk about how hard their lives are. The common complaints are, "My boyfriend is..." or "My girlfriend is..." The guys on the morning show almost always play the song that is at the end of this clip. It cracks me up everytime. Now, you all can sing it to the teenagers in your lives!

The Revival of Folk Music- Fleet Foxes and Monsters of Folk

2011-05-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

There is a current trend in music that's been happening over the last 5 years where a lot of bands have started to shift towards folk rock. Two such bands that encompass this are Fleet Foxes and Monsters of Folk. Instead of boring you with my insights, take a listen for yourself (skip the ads at the beginning). The first is a band called Fleet Foxes that have such beautiful harmonies as evidenced by the first song they play (or sing-there's no instruments). The second band is a band called Monsters of Folk that is a super group of sorts made up with four guys that became famous by playing in other bands but shared a common love for folk music. They, too, have beautiful harmonies. Hope you enjoy.

Christina's Song

2011-04-26T23:06:00.000-07:00

Christina's Song is a song that I did not write. It was written by our bassist and singer Kevin Darrell and performed by our band Shambala. The bad thing about naming any song after a girl is the fact that if you start dating a different girl, you can't play the song anymore which is why we haven't played this song in a very long time. It's a shame because I always thought that it was one of our better songs. Kevin recorded all of the vocal parts and I've always loved the back-up vocals on the pre-chorus and chorus. If you listen closely, you can hear me whiff the guitar on the intro. We talked about re-doing it but decided we were too lazy and pizza was more important. I'm still a bit embarrassed by it but let's argue that it adds "character" to the song and leave it at that. Hope you enjoy.

09 Christina's Song by iceap12

TV on the Radio - You

2011-04-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

I love this video, I'm not sure why. But, sometimes that's why art is so great because it doesn't always have to be explained. It's funny, sad and poignant and I absolutely love the song. My favorite lyric is, "In our dreams, we were making it right." How many times have all of us felt that way? Too many times than we care to remember.

Hope you enjoy the video.

A Part of You

2011-04-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

For a very long time now, I've wanted to share some of the music I've written over the years with all of you. Today, I finally see that dream come to fruition. Using a new free service called Soundcloud, I've uploaded one of my personal favorites called, "A Part of You". This song is one of my favorites because I made my wife sing with me on it. I wrote it back in 2007 after seeing Juno, whose soundtrack was dominated by songs that have a similar sound to this with couples seemingly trading verses and coming back together for the chorus. To this day, it's still one of the easiest times I've ever had writing a song. I think I wrote the whole thing in 10-15 minutes. Even the first line that came to me was, in my opinion, the best. "You've got me on/a part of you/that I can't get off/no matter what I do." There's something about the innocence of the lyric that I've always liked. The rest of the lyrics have both of us trading jabs at each other (I tell her she has too much crap, she tells me my skin is rough and I snore too loud-all of which, I might add, were common complaints we had with each other at the time) but then ultimately coming to the realization that despite all of this, we're both still sticking with one another. I hope you enjoy it and look for more music from me in the future!

10 A Part Of You by iceap12

Game of Thrones

2011-04-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this series since Christmas and it's really quite fantastic. It's like a more adult Lord of the Rings where there isn't always a clear enemy and everyone has ulterior motives. They're making a show for it on HBO and it debuts this Sunday. I don't have HBO but I'll probably download it from iTunes. Let the Game begin!

Hue

2011-04-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

She's green; green of the summer breeze and she'll be green till the yellow turns red. Red, the color of her lipstick; the color of her eyes in the morning; the color of the signs around her telling her otherwise.
Blue, that's me, the color of the lonely and the lost which is what I am when she's gone. My hues change in temperature and I parade myself in shades of crimson and gold. But it is folly. One cannot change their color, though she'd have me believe otherwise. And I being blue, always believe her.
She's green! Green! And when I'm with her, I feel it too. Everything that is new and possible fits comfortably into our hands and for a moment we believe there is only us. But they are so loud-the colors. They are many and we are two and their choir drowns out our humble sonata. We clash, us and them, for we were never meant to sing as one. And she begins to think I have betrayed our love though my voice was meant only for her, the green, the emerald green.
She's my emerald queen but she cries obsidian in long strands. Obsidian, the color we have begun to sing. We once harmonized in turquoise but now our tones have grown hoarse and dark. We have grown too far apart, these long tumultuous days. And I being blue, find myself too comfortable in my familiar color. I yearn for her, the green, but winter has blackened her and I am helpless.
Her circumstance is one of dark fate. I do not understand her language. Did I ever truly know it? And I realize that she was never green and that my foolish yearnings for harmony merely painted her the green of my dreams. I see her now. My once green queen has become a black stranger.
And there are hues between us.

Old Spice | Raven starring NFL Superperson Ray Lewis

2010-10-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

This commercial has been on for awhile but I thought I'd post it as a testament that I think their commercials are genius.

I've Fallen Asleep

2010-10-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

It wouldn't surprise me if many of you have thought that something was wrong with me since I haven't written a blog in so long. Nothing has been wrong. I just think that sometimes, I tend to fall asleep.

I'm not sure why but sometimes, I ignore what I'd rather be doing (writing) and just focus on what I have to do (work). I have been in such a mode since my last blog. I have switched departments at my work within the last month and have been working hard so that they will keep me rather than passing me along. This is the fifth department I've worked in at Lovelace, and the fourth just this year. I'm like the orphan child who wanders from place to place without a home.

I think part of me felt a bit letdown as well since my last blog because my last blog was an attempt at finally getting a real writing job. I didn't get it, and although I knew I wouldn't get it, I think a part of me wanted to quit for awhile. At this point, I don't think I'll ever try getting another writing job. I'm just tired of trying at it.

Right now, I'm living just to live, which is the first time in a long time that I think I've done such a thing. I have nothing in particular I want except to just get through the day so I can go home and spend time with my wife doing things I want to do. Despite how it sounds though, I am not sad or depressed. I am actually quite happy and I try to enjoy all that I can with the time I have to myself. I am a bit worried however at where my life is headed, in a career sense. It is often said that if you don't know where you want to go, you end up where you don't want to be. And I have no idea where I want to go.

Anyway, I'll end this update with the hope that I'll continue to write more and to get back on track. I hope you are all doing well.

Singles Review

2010-07-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

I thought it was time for some single's reviews. This is from a piece I wrote for Randomville that will be published soon. Enjoy!

Big Boi-Shutterbugg

After being in Outkast, one of the greatest rap groups of all-time, there wasn’t anywhere Big Boi could go but down because after all, Andre 3000 was the mastermind of the group, wasn’t he? After listening to this track, the answer is apparently not. Shutterbugg is pure radio fodder and is sure to light up dance floors this summer and for years to come. The keyboards and guitar with its talk-box infused beat sound both danceable and sexy, much like Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” and showcases a side of Big Boi none of us knew existed. The only downfall of the song is Big Boi’s lyrics, which never seem to show how clever he can be. Frankly, he’s better than this. But, with a beat as awesome as this and a hook this catchy, who can complain? 4.5/5

Foals-Miami

The opening line of the Foals’ song “Miami” sung with style by lead singer Yannis Philippakis says, “I promised you an ocean of mother of pearl, gold and indigo.” A fitting statement, as the band quickly delivers on their promise by offering this song which plays with colors of tone-sometimes dark with themes of betrayal, sometimes light with themes of redemption and yet it always feels cohesive by being so damn danceable. With a discography of only two albums, the Foals prove that they are masters of the dance rock genre no matter how new they are to the scene. This is the kind of song Franz Ferdinand has been trying to write since their first album with little success. 4/5

Blitzen Trapper-Evening Star

Blitzen Trapper has been fighting comparisons to Wilco for some time and not without reason. Evening Star is no different. However, being compared to one of the best bands of the last decade is not a bad thing and Blitzen Trapper prove that they are capable of standing on their own. Evening Star is the kind of song that you ache for when you feel alone on a summer night and you find yourself driving aimlessly around the city. Eric Earley evokes that same seen-it-all feeling through his vocals and the acoustic guitar, bass and killer harmonies provides the comfort one searches for on those lonely nights when driving aimlessly around the city seems necessary. 3.5/5

Janelle Monae ft. Big Boi-Tightrope

Is this funk? Is this soul? Is this World music? It’s a bit of all three and yet the song always remains cohesive even when featured artist Big Boi comes in with a few lines of rap. Monae’s vocals are extremely impressive and even with a great horn section, a killer bass line and all manners of percussion, the focus is never taken off of her. Even Big Boi looks like an afterthought in the song compared to Monae’s vocal power. This song is sure to light up some dance floors. 3.5/5

More Pearl Jam Cuz I'm In A Pearl Jam Mood

2010-06-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

Here's another song from Pearl Jam. This one is called "Just Breathe" and it's off their newest record. The lyrics are underneath if you would like to read them. Hope you enjoy.

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh

Stay with me,..
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
never gonna let me win, aw-huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh,..
Yeah, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me bleed.

Stay with me,..
You're all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw-huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean, ah-ah...

Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.

Yellow Ledbetter

2010-06-08T13:09:00.000-07:00

This song has been in my head a lot lately, mostly because I've been trying to learn it on the guitar. It is by Pearl Jam and was a released as a b-side that was so good that it still found it's way onto the radio. The lyrics are pretty indecipherable as it seems Eddie Vedder is kind of mumbling the whole time (when they wrote the song, he just started mumbling to try to figure out a melody and it just stayed that way). However, there is a story behind it.
Eddie Vedder had a friend who received a yellow letter in the mail, informing him that his brother was killed in the Gulf War. They decided to take a walk together to clear his head when they passed by someone's house who was very patriotic, displaying flags all around the outside of their house. This patriotic person happened to be sitting on their porch and since the grunge phase was the kind of style for most teenagers at the time, this patriotic person looked at them very disapprovingly. So there was this kind of anger and irony they were dealing with, that if only this patriotic person had known the reason they were on a walk in the first place, they would have looked at them completely different.
I'm not telling this story because I'm trying to make a political statement or anything, but I'm just trying to relate the sadness and loss that is in the song. The guitar playing is very reminiscent of Jimi Hendrix's style and the solo in the middle of the song is still one of my all-time favorite guitar solos. It's not flashy at all but it just perfectly emotes the whole feeling of loss and enduring that the song is trying to evoke. It's such a beautiful song. Hope you enjoy.

George Carlin's "Modern Man"

2010-06-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

George Carlin is widely considered one of the greatest comics of all-time and this speech proves why. I have the video with the text underneath if you prefer to read it.
Hope you enjoy.

I'm a modern man,
A man for the millennium,
Digital and smoke free.

A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist,
Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I've been uplinked and downloaded.
I've been inputted and outsourced.
I know the upside of downsizing.
I know the downside of upgrading.

I'm a high tech lowlife.
A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker,
And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave but I'm old school,
And my inner child is outward bound.

I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer,
Voice activated and biodegradable.

I interface from a database,
And my database is in cyberspace,
So I'm interactive,
I'm hyperactive,
And from time-to-time,
I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball,
Ahead of the curve,
Riding the wave,
Dodging a bullet,
Pushing the envelope.

I'm on point,
On task,
On message,
And off drugs.
I got no need for coke and speed,
I got no urge to binge and purge.

I'm in the moment,
On the edge,
Over the top,
But under the radar.

A high concept,
Low profile,
Medium range ballistic missionary.
A street-wise smart bomb.
A top gun bottom feeder.

I wear power ties,
I tell power lies,
I take power naps,
I run victory laps.

I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach.
A raging workaholic.
A working ragaholic.
Out of rehab,
And in denial.

I got a personal trainer,
A personal shopper,
A personal assistant,
And a personal agenda.

You can't shut me up,
You can't dumb me down.
'Cause I'm tireless,
And I'm wireless.
I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever.
Laid back but fashion forward.

Up front,
Down home,
Low rent,
High maintenance.

Super size,
Long lasting,
High definition,
Fast acting,
Oven ready,
And built to last.

I'm a hands on,
Foot loose,
Knee jerk,
Head case.

Prematurely post traumatic,
And I have a love child who sends me hate mail.

But I'm feeling,
I'm caring,
I'm healing,
I'm sharing.
A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver.

My output is down,
But my income is up.
I take a short position on the long bond,
And my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

I read junk mail,
I eat junk food,
I buy junk bonds,
I watch trash sports.

I'm gender specific,
Capital intensive,
User friendly,
And lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex.
I like tough love.
I use the f word in my email,
And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini mall.
I bought a mini van in a mega store.
I eat fast food in the slow lane.

I'm toll free,
Bite sized,
Ready to wear,
And I come in all sizes.

A fully equipped,
Factory authorized,
Hospital tested,
Clinically proven,
Scientifically formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed,
Pre-cooked,
Pre-heated,
Pre-screened,
Pre-approved,
Pre-packaged,
Post-dated,
Freeze-dried,
Double-wrapped,
Vacuum-packed,
And I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude,
But I'm the real deal.
Lean and mean.
Cocked, locked and ready to rock.
Rough tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow.
I go with the flow.
I ride with the tide.
I got glide in my stride.

Drivin' and movin',
Sailin' and spinnin',
Jivin' and groovin',
Wailin' and winnin'.

I don't snooze,
So I don't lose.
I keep the pedal to the metal,
And the rubber on the road.

I party hearty,
And lunch time is crunch time.

I'm hanging in,
There ain't no doubt.
And I'm hanging tough,
Over and out.

Random Crap and a Song

2010-05-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a long time because I've had a hell of a month.

Stace-Ghost and I are finally in our house and we love it. We still need to put some stuff away and hang up some pictures but everything is mostly in its right place. It still doesn't seem real. I still feel like I'm going to wake up one day and the dream will be over and we will have to leave. I bought an electric lawnmower today and mowed the lawn with it. It actually worked surprisingly good except for the fact that it felt like I was vacuuming the lawn, since I constantly had to lift the power cord out of the way like you do with a vacuum cleaner. I still have to fix the shower knob in our master bathroom. We managed to break it on the first night in the house. It'll be easy to fix it though. The hardest part will be finding a knob that fits it.

I kind of lost my job on the same day we were moving into our house. I am a temp for Lovelace so I still have work but I was unfairly reassigned. The day when it happened, I was told that the assignment was coming to an end and that's all, despite the fact that my manager had told me that they wanted to make it into a permanent position. Later on, I was texting a co-worker just trying to find out if there was another reason I was let go, because I always felt like my boss never really liked me (although there was no reason for him not to, I think it was just because I didn't suck up to him like everyone else did). My co-worker then started telling me that she was the reason I was let go. She didn't feel like I was the right fit for the job, that I was lazy, that I wasn't detail-oriented and since she was sort of like my supervisor, she told my boss all of these things and he let me go without even letting me defend myself against her very untrue allegations. The following Tuesday, I sat down with my HR rep and discussed it with her. I seriously thought of little else the entire weekend since I was so angry about it, which was a real downer since I should have been really happy to finally get into our house. However, when I talked with my HR rep, I finally got closure on it. I told her about everything and all of my suspicions about why I was let go and told her that I really didn't want my job back and I didn't want revenge (although I guess I did a little bit) but was there to defend my reputation as I thought that there were things said about me that were untrue. She assured me that there were no allegations against me, that the assignment had just come to an end, and that she was trying to find me more work. I really felt better after that meeting and I could finally stop thinking about it.

They did find me something for these past two weeks, just kind of sending faxes out and making phone calls for a team of nurses but the assignment ends tomorrow and I'm not sure if they have anything else lined up for me. I've started looking for other work, both in Lovelace and other places. I'm tired of being a temp. It's awful work, not because of the work that you do but because you get to know people, start to get comfortable and then are pulled from it suddenly. I hope I find something.

I have to go camping tomorrow, taking the 11 year old scouts on a quick camping trip. I went and got my camping stuff (which is actually my Dad's camping stuff) and realized after pulling it out of the closet that I was ready to go. I didn't have to pack anything. I just had to pull it out of the closet and go.

I've had this song in my head all week so I thought I'd share it with all of you. It's by a new band called The Temper Trap and the song is called Sweet Dispositions. It sounds like a U2 or Arcade Fire song. It's also interesting that their lead singer is from Indonesia. I dig it. I hope you do as well. That's it for me. I'll try not to be such a stranger.

Otis Redding Is A Genius

2010-04-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I heard Otis Redding the other day and decided I needed to buy one of his albums. It's so good! I always liked "Sittin' On The Dock of the Bay" but that is all you ever hear from him on the radio. He has such a great voice, it's just so soulful and you can just hear a world of emotion in it. Here are some of my favorites. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Top 40 Albums of All-Time-2010 Edition

2010-03-14T17:56:00.001-07:00

I've been a little late it posting my annual albums list but here you go! Lots of changes this year. I think it has to do with the fact that at my current job, I'm allowed to listen to my iPod. I'm pretty sure that this has resulted in me getting bored with a lot of albums that usually rank higher. However, that is no excuse. Great albums get better the more you listen to them and others get worse. Anyway, enjoy!

- sign= How many places the album dropped since last year
+ sign= How many places the album moved up since last year
No Number= The album stayed in the same place
N/A= The album did not appear on the list last year

Without further ado:

40. Chutes Too Narrow- The Shins -12
39. Grace- Jeff Buckley -21
38. Californication- Red Hot Chili Peppers -8
37. Loveless- My Bloody Valentine N/A
36. Transatlanticism- Death Cab For Cutie -5
35. Good News For People Who Love Bad News- Modest Mouse -3
34. Sea Change- Beck -9
33. Transmissions of the Satellite Heart- The Flaming Lips N/A
32. Mule Variations- Tom Waits +1
31. Siamese Dream- Smashing Pumpkins -5
30. In Utero- Nirvana +9
29. Stoned and Dethroned- The Jesus and Mary Chain N/A
28. OK Computer- Radiohead -4
27. 40 Oz. To Freedom- Sublime
26. The Fragile- Nine Inch Nails +11
25. Want One- Rufus Wainwright -3
24. Abbey Road- The Beatles +5
23. Dear Science- TV On The Radio N/A
22. Plans- Death Cab For Cutie -5
21. The Information- Beck -7
20. This Is A Long Drive For Someone With Nothing To Think About- Modest Mouse N/A
19. White Pony- Deftones +2
18. Demon Days- Gorillaz +5
17. Mirrored- Battles +23
16. Sound of Silver- LCD Soundsystem +20
15. Silent Alarm- Bloc Party -2
14. Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots- The Flaming Lips -3
13. Aha Shake Heartbreak- Kings of Leon +3
12. Fever To Tell- Yeah Yeah Yeahs -2
11. Z- My Morning Jacket -3
10. Funeral- The Arcade Fire -1
09. Is This It?- The Strokes N/A
08. The Soft Bulletin- The Flaming Lips -3
07. ( )- Sigur ros
06. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot- Wilco +9
05. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness- Smashing Pumpkins +1
04. Return to Cookie Mountain- TV On The Radio
03. Blood Sugar Sex Magick- Red Hot Chili Peppers -1
02. In Rainbows- Radiohead +1
01. Kid A- Radiohead

There you have it. It seemed stupid to have two albums from the same band at the top but it was impossible to deny the greatness of both albums. Anyway, see you next year.

You DO realize that the house crushed the wicked witch of the east, don't you?

2010-03-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

Thought I should get on here and write a quick update since I haven't posted in so long. I've had a few blogs I meant to write but never got around to doing. The main thing that has been going on with us is that Stace-Ghost and I have decided to buy a house. We found out today that we don't qualify for First-Time Home Buyers which means we have to put at least 3.5% down, which isn't much but it is when you have no furniture or appliances. I also had a mini-meltdown today when I was going over our finances, as if we were paying the mortgage, and realized that after everything was paid, there really wasn't anything left. This bothers me because I've always been a person who needed some money to play with, not a huge amount, just enough to go out to eat on weekends, see a movie, or buy a CD. It will be a difficult adjustment. I really just hate how expensive it is to live these days. Apparently we make too much money to qualify for First-Time Home Buyer's but not enough to have any money left after we pay for all of our bills and needs. How does that make sense? I'm really wondering if it is the right time for us to buy a house or if we should wait. I'm not comfortable with buying a house when I'm not even in a career because what if something else came along in another state? But, at the same time, I don't want to sign a 1-year lease to an apartment to just buy a house after the year is up; a total waste of money. I don't know what I should do. I just hope I do when it is time to decide.

Job Update

2010-01-19T20:09:00.000-08:00

I don't like talking about myself very much so I'll keep this short. I was offered the ad sales position at Albuquerque the Magazine...kind of. And I turned it down. Basically, they wanted to put me in a sort of job competition. I, and many other prospects, would compete against each other over a 30-day period and whoever had the most sales at the end of the month would be offered the position. All employees would still earn regular commissions on any sales made over the 30 days but they would only earn a minimum wage base salary. With all of these things to consider, I felt it was too risky to do. The job is hard enough as it is (it really might be one of the most unpopular jobs ever created) without having to worry about not having a job next month. I'm feeling okay about it though. I really feel like they are going to remember me if another, more interesting job ever comes along. They really liked me during my interview and I was almost positive that I was going to be offered the position, or at least an invitation to this challenge. So, at least that's something to be happy about. And who knows? Maybe getting them to remember me for the next time I apply there was the entire reason I went through this ordeal. Probably not but you never know. :)

Baggage Lines

2010-01-14T22:54:00.001-08:00

Below is a short story that I've written for a submission to a short story contest for Albuquerque the Magazine. The winner will not be announced till April but you can read it now. As with everything I ever write (and probably with everything any writer ever writes), I'm not totally happy with it but there are aspects that I am proud of. It should also be noted that though the protagonist's name is the same name as my father who is at an airport (which is where my father is usually at) that is where the coincidence and inspiration end. Everything else is taken from my own imagination. I hope you enjoy it. There were times where I really didn't believe that I'd be able to meet the Jan 15th deadline so I'm very proud of myself that I was able to. It is fairly long so don't feel bad if you don't have time to read it. I totally understand. :)

“Baggage Lines”

The sign at the gate said, “Check Baggage”. Leon took it too literally. He stood in line and began to run through his entire mind of all the demons in his life he had not laid to rest. What was it that the stewardess had said to him on his last flight?

“No sir, that kind of baggage belongs under your feet and not over your head.”

Leon wondered if his demons manifested themselves on his face. It didn’t take a spiritual leader or medium to see this, merely someone who knew how to read between the lines because Leon had lines for days. In fact, he was in line.

“Next, please…Next…Sir, it’s your turn, sir.”

Someone nudged Leon out of his daze and he came back to reality. Still, those thoughts left the feelings he felt towards himself like echoes in a long hallway. He hated himself for the things he had never been able to do. He hadn’t gone skiing in Aspen. He hadn’t eaten a picnic while watching the sunset. He hadn’t been there for her when she had needed him.

“Sir, you’re holding up the line.”

He wasn’t ready for this. Not yet.

“I just realized I can’t find my ticket. I’ll just…” he said as he stepped out of line and began walking to the back of it. He glanced at the baggage lady and noticed the indifference on her face. She didn’t care what people did as long as her line kept moving. He wasn’t even sure that she realized that he never finished his sentence.

He got to the back of the line and dropped his carry-on bag at his feet. He crouched down and began to look through its contents for his ticket. His fingers brushed against it and he pulled it out and quickly glanced at his destination. HAWAII, it said. He wondered how warm it would be. It was October but that doesn’t typically matter in a place on the equator. He hoped it was as warm as he imagined that it would be. He wondered what she looked like now. Would she recognize him?

He was in line and he was staring at lines on the sign in front of him. Leon wondered if there was some great irony in this, but if there was, he couldn’t see it. He did, however, feel as though he had been standing in line his entire life. Not in a literal sense, of course, but in that great figurative line that everyone seems to wait in until one great day when everything falls into place for them. There were no numbers to take. People were served at random. They were all there for different things but they all wanted the same thing: Happiness. No one was guaranteed to be served and some pass away before they get their chance. Some are served multiple times. Leon wondered if this was because of luck or because of some grand setup. Maybe they were the same thing. Whatever it was, Leon knew that he was on the wrong end of it and had been there for most of his life. Everything that seemed engineered by science and nature to make him happy were the exact things that made him unhappy. Was it the fault of the creator? He often checked his math but it never seemed to add up. The answer was between the lines. Leon was sure of it.

Someone else in line had reached the front and everyone moved forward. Leon watched a pretty woman down the line scratch the back of her head. He immediately noticed the varicose vein that ran up the back of her hand. Was that the life line? Or was the life line on the palm? He stared at his own palm but nothing came to mind except for what his daughter had always said to him.

“My veins are gross. They look like my mother’s and she’s over twice my age.”

Leon had always tried to assure her of the opposite. That seemed to be all he did. He assured her that her clothes were very stylish. He assured her that she did not complain as much as her mother. He assured her that she was not crazy. He assured her things would get better. He assured her that he loved her as much as he said he did.

And he really did, that was the truth. Though it had seemed like the two of them had lived worlds away from each other, his love for his daughter had kept growing day after day. In Leon’s opinion, you don’t ever stop loving someone. It is not some arbitrary decision you make one day as unimportant as someone making a decision to stop eating fast food or stop dressing poorly. Love, to him, was an unalterable fact, just like E equals MC squared or 2+2 equals

“Four,” a voice over the intercom said. “I repeat, Flight 504 has been delayed until four. Thank you.”

Leon heard the familiar clunk as the announcer hung up the intercom phone. He had always hated that sound. It always seemed to ruin whatever tender moment a person was having over the telephone. It was a reminder to the mind of reality and the real nature of things.

“I can’t believe that girl just hung up the phone like that,” his wife had said. “We’re trying to have a serious, adult conversation with her and she just hangs up on us.”

“She’s just a kid,” he said. “She’s starting to realize what it takes to be a grown-up and it scares her.”
Even as he said it, he knew it was partly untrue. She, indeed, was just a kid but he knew that there wasn’t any specific moment where he realized what it took to be a grown-up. He had been at it for over 25 years and he still didn’t know.

“Well,” his wife said, “I don’t know why she just won’t let us help her. She doesn’t have to be scared.”

“It’s because she can do it. She just hasn’t figured that out yet. But, somewhere deep down, she knows,” he said.

“You just don’t want to have to do anything,” his wife said.

Admittedly, Leon usually did take the easy way out of things but when it came to matters concerning his daughter, he did everything he could. He knew his wife was merely angry at being helpless so he let the comment go. He really didn’t want to get into it with her. It was easier being the punching bag.

“Where ya headed?” a short, old man asked, pulling Leon out of his memory.

“Hawaii,” Leon said.

“Oh yeah? I’ve been there once. It was mostly okay,” the old man said.

Leon feigned interest and he thought that the conversation was over but then the old man started up again.

“Why ya wanna go there, now?” he asked, motioning toward the windows.

“I’m going to see my daughter,” Leon said.

“Hmm,” the old man said, “I’m going to see my son. He never did too well without me. I don’t think children ever do, no matter their age.”

Leon smiled as he knew it was true. Though his own mother has long since passed away, he always seemed to hear her voice in the back of his head. He had spent so much time with her throughout his life that he knew what she would say in any given situation. Leon, you need to clean up your mess. Leon, you need to spend more time with your family. Leon, you need to talk to her.

In this way, it was as though she was always with him. She could have been, for all he knew. If his imagination’s version of his mother was to meet his actual mother, he would not be able to tell them apart. It was better this way, in his opinion. It was better to be with someone then to feel alone. He hoped his daughter felt the same way about him.

“What do I do, Dad?” his daughter had asked him as he lay in the hospital bed. “You’re here and Scott is back there and we’re not talking. I don’t know what to do.”

He wanted to help her then. He wanted to tell her that her own happiness was more important than his own, that though he was glad that she was here, he would be happier if she was back with the man that he knew she loved. But the pain prohibited him. He could do nothing but lay there and listen to his daughter’s pain. That was more harmful to him than the physical hurt he felt.

His daughter was sobbing now and though her speech was mostly incomprehensible, he could faintly make out, “Just don’t leave me, Dad. Just don’t leave me.”

She had stayed for a few weeks, he remembered. He couldn’t remember the exact amount of time. He was in and out and everything was hazy in his memory. He couldn’t even remember if he had ever been able to talk to his daughter. But he would now. That was for sure.

“Next,” the baggage lady said, not looking up from her computer.

Leon hesitated. Would she recognize him now? After everything he had been through? He was about to turn and run to the back of the line once more but then, he heard his mother’s voice.

“Leon, you need to talk to her,” his mother said.

With that, he had the courage to step forward. He stepped to the counter and handed the baggage lady his ticket.

“Glad you found your ticket,” she said with a smile, “It’s a lot warmer where you’re headed.”

“I hope so,” Leon said.

Leon climbed aboard Flight 504 and strapped in. There was no one else on board. He didn’t know if he was early or if he was late. It didn’t matter. He was headed to help his daughter because she needed him. Helping her had always been his brightest happiness. He realized that now. The happiness he felt from helping his daughter was a lasting happiness that he knew would always travel with him.

“Do you have any baggage, sir?” the stewardess asked.

Leon realized that he did not have his carry-on bag with him. He had lost it somewhere back at the baggage claim. It didn’t matter now. He was content to leave it where it was. He actually felt some relief from not having it.

“No,” he told the stewardess and she went back to the front of the plane.

The plane ride was long but it didn’t seem so to Leon. His daughter was not at the airport to meet him upon his arrival. He didn’t mind. He found a taxi and traveled to her home. He found her alone in her home, sobbing on the edge of her bed.

“What do I do, Dad? What do I do? How do I get him back?” his daughter said.

He threw his arms around her and it seemed as though she immediately became calmer. He held her close to him, softly rubbing her back. She was still crying but it was coming slower. Though it was selfish for him to think so, he was glad that he was still needed. He was glad that he could still help his only daughter.

“Kristy,” Leon said to his daughter, “you need to talk to him.”

She sobbed and looked down at the tissue in her hand. In her mind, she knew what he was saying was true and when she looked up, she looked in his direction and nodded.

It Is Going Great

2010-01-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

Remember two posts ago when I said that I was gonna get mine this year? Well, I've been getting it.
First, I started temping at Lovelace Health Plan a week ago and almost immediately they wanted to make me a permanent temp so that I would be on their payroll. I was initially hesitant but decided to accept it anyway and it got me a two dollar an hour pay raise! So, that was pretty nice. I wasn't crazy about the job but it was something I knew I could do while I kept searching for other jobs.
THEN today, I received a call from Albuquerque the Magazine that they had received my resume and would like to discuss it with me. I'm pretty sure that the job would be selling ad space for the magazine (which isn't the greatest job) but at least I would be involved with doing something that I have a passion for (the written word/publishing). I'm not sure how much it pays but I will keep you all posted about what happens.
THEN, I ran 2 and a half miles without stopping at the gym today which is the farthest I've ran in a long time (it would be the farthest I've run ever if not for a scouting activity when I was younger that required us to run 6 miles in under an hour-which I did...barely).
And THEN, I received an email from Game Informer. I had recently sent them a news tip about a job posting that gave hints about certain video games that the company in question has secretly been working on but has not announced to the public yet. And they posted it and they gave me credit! I'll post the link below for you all to look at. Sadly, unless you are an avid gamer, it'll probably sound like it's in another language to you but what the story boils down to is that the company is making a blockbuster game for Microsoft's Project Natal which will utilize motion-cameras for players to interact with the video game in different ways.
That was the capper on an already fantastic day. You know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"? I think we need something that is the opposite of that. "When it backwards rains, it backwards pours". I don't know. But that is basically what I am feeling right now. Let's hope we keep this up and make this the best year ever!

My name is at the bottom of the article:
Click here to go to the article.

The Futureheads-Meantime

2010-01-05T18:28:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite song now. It is not even a recent song. It was released in 2004 and I'm just hearing it now. These kind of things make me wonder if pop culture moves too fast sometimes. Or maybe I just need to move faster. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter because this song is freakin' great and it makes me happy and makes me feel like a young ragamuffin again (whatever that is-I assume its a tasty breakfast homeless person). For awhile, around 2004 and 2005, there was a rock movement that was trying to make good rock music that 1)rocked and 2) was danceable. That movement has kind of faded out now but we still have gems like this to hold us over. If it makes you want to dance, it's doing its job. Enjoy.

New Year, New Job and I'm Gonna Get Mine

2009-12-31T15:59:00.000-08:00

Today marks the close of another year and the birth of a new one. I've said in previous posts that at the beginning of each year, I always say the same thing. This is the year that I'm going to get mine. And while I've said it in vain everytime before, THIS year, I really am going to get mine. I know this because of my anger level. A lot of times, for whatever reason, whether it's genetics or my upbringing or just my stupid self, when I get angry, I tend to withdraw rather than explode. I withdraw and I fester and nothing good comes of it because I'm just choosing to be mad at the situation instead of doing something because that is much harder and the first thing is much easier. But no more of that. I'm so tired of hating myself for not being better and not going out and taking the things I want in life. My anger is finally moving me to action and while part of me wonders if I'm lying both to all of you and to myself, this anger really does feel like it is here to stay until it is finally sated.
I am going to start a new job on Monday. I have mixed feelings about it. It's another temp job at Lovelace Health Plan which is where I worked before I was let go. They liked me so much that they wanted me back even though they obviously didn't like me enough to pay me more than I got last time especially considering that I'm taking on more responsibilities this time. I was hesitant to take it because I kind of just feel like I've moved on now. I'm not the same person I was when I left that place. But at least I'll be making money again and being more productive. I still plan to continue looking for a better job while I'm there as well and this time, I really am going to stick with it whereas other times I said this but usually gave up after a few tries.
I don't know what'll happen but I'm tired of sitting around waiting for life to come to me. I've wasted too much time doing that and I can't waste anymore. I'm also considering looking for a job out-of-state which is something I've never considered before. I still love Albuquerque but staying here just isn't as important to me as it used to be. I'm growing up and I've changed and I'd rather live somewhere else with a job I love then live here with a crappy one. It's taken me a long time to learn that but I'm glad I finally have.
So, here's hoping that this is the year that I get what's mine. I hope the same for all of you.

One year, more refined...

2009-11-25T09:41:00.000-08:00

Today is my wife's birthday. She is 27 years old. She's having a hard time with the age but I keep telling her that she might be one year older but she is also one year more refined than before. We plan to go get sushi later with a couple of friends to celebrate. She actually was born on Thanksgiving, the year that she was born and her Mom and Grandma always call her their "turkey baby". So, happy birthday Stace-Ghost! I love you!

What's Going On

2009-11-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

I figured I should write a quick little post about what's going on with my work situation. I recently decided to start temping again because I couldn't take the sitting around anymore. After bugging them and bugging them, they finally gave me an assignment for data entry at $13/hr. I was excited by the prospects. It was supposed to start two weeks ago but the Friday before, they called me and told me that the project had been pushed back a week. I figured that, while it sucked I couldn't start work immediately, I figured at least I would be able to spend time with my Dad for the couple of days he was in town. So, this past Monday, I got up and drove to the place where I was working (which turns out is in the warzone in Albuquerque, right next to the base), and I was trying to find out where I was supposed to go because the directions were quite confusing. I called my temp agency to ask them and they said, "Oh, the project doesn't start today. It had been pushed back. We don't even know when it will start." I told them that they had told me that it had been pushed back only a week and it started today but of course, they didn't remember telling me that. So, I'm back to square one, in the job market again. The whole thing makes me really not want to temp anymore. I'm really going to try hard to find something myself. I got sick on Tuesday and Wednesday so I haven't looked much this week, but for those of you in the Albuquerque area, like you have been doing, if you know of any place that's hiring, let me know. I really do appreciate all the love and support from everyone.

5 Stupid Characters That I Support Anyway

2009-11-16T14:02:00.000-08:00

This is a piece I wrote a month ago on the website, Game Informer, and is the most read thing I've ever written. To date, it has received around 3,500 views and it is still climbing. I thought I would post it here as well, so all of you could read it, even if you don't understand all of the references.

In the world of gaming, one comes across tons of stupid characters. While most will always be stupid in every subsequent iteration, I have compiled a list of characters that I believe that we should support or try to love despite their downfalls.

1. Tingle (The Legend of Zelda series)- His name is Tingle and he's a flamboyant map-maker. He claims to be a fairy (maybe in more ways than one) and his strange ways often feel a bit out of place in the Legend of Zelda series. The prices for his services are always exuberant just like his outfit. Introduced in Majora's Mask, he kind of seemed like a creepy child molestor, a middle-aged overweight man, strangely dressing up like a fairy and living in the woods and talking to Link all the time (who was just a kid! Yikes!). And did I mention how strange he is? Therein, however, lies the reason we should try to like him. He provides enough humor and uniqueness that he really stands out from the rest of Link's friends. Even with the groan-inducing, rupee hunt that he made Link do in Windwaker, it was also really hilarious. It was actually this appearance in Windwaker, that changed my feelings toward him (he came off way too creepy in Majora's Mask). I'm not sure why he insists on saying, "Koo-loo Limpah" all the time but as far as I'm concerned, Tingle can keep making his stupid maps.

2. Toad (various games with Mario)- Toad was first introduced as the annoying guy that kept deflating your hopes that you had finally saved the princess in Super Mario Bros. You would navigate obstacles and treacherous ground only to hear, "Sorry, Mario, but you're going to have to get yourself killed a billion more times to save our harlot of a princess." Ok, he didn't really say that. If he did, he wouldn't be on this list. And what's with his head? You have to wonder what would happen to Mario if he took a big 'ol bite out of it. Despite all of his stupidity, however, none of that matters once he gets behind the wheel of a go-cart (or perhaps, go-kart?). He might be nice and obedient in other games, but in the Mario Kart series, he is fast and ruthless, sometimes yelling out a "yeah" in his stupid voice as he slams you with a red shell. Or maybe he just laughs maniacally as you slip on one of his banana peels. Getting hit with anything in Mario Kart is bad news, but it's easier to take when it's done by Mario or Bowser. When you get hit by Toad, however, it's enraging, which is why he belongs on this list.

3. Peppy Hare (Star Fox series)- Peppy has been the ass of so many jokes and YouTube videos with his catchphrase, "Do a barrel roll!" being known to most gamers. The reason for these jokes stems from Peppy's persistance in using the phrase. Get hit with a laser blast? "Do a barrel roll!" Fly under a bridge? "Do a barrel roll!" Do a barrel roll? "Do a barrel roll!" He also loves to be the downer by constantly reminding you of your father who tragically died by saying things like, "Your father once saved me like that too!" or, "You remind me of your father." Or, my favorite, "Your father showed me the dangers of stupidity and even then, I was too thick in the head to fully understand it!" (Ok, he didn't really say that, but he should have). Peppy proves to be somewhat useful though. He is the veteran of the Star Fox team and can take care of himself most of the time unlike Slippy. That fact alone, makes him deserve our respect.

4. Zhang He (Dynasty Warriors series)- Basically the "Wolverine" of the Three Kingdoms dynasty, Zhang He's weapon of choice is two claws that fit onto his hands. Sound awesome? It is, until Zhang He speaks. He is obsessed with dance, as he lets us know by working it into almost every sentence he speaks. Here are some gems taken from his dialogue: "I will dazzle the battlefield with my exquisite dance!" "To dance is to live." "Behold, my dance of death." "Victory is ours. Show your joy...not with your blade, but with a dance!" But like Tingle, he is strange enough to make you take notice and become more interested in him over a slew of carbon copy characters that the game presents you. Not to mention that he totally owns on the battlefield, mostly because (at least in the 3rd installation) he's one of the few characters that has an instant death ability on his 4th weapon. I wouldn't necessarily call it a dance but there is certainly a lot of death that follows him on the battlefield.

5. Jason Flemming (Shadow Complex)- Jason Flemming is presented as a grown man that apparently still has daddy issues. Trained by his father in various forms of combat and espionage, Jason has for whatever stupid reason, decided to take the higher road and "doesn't want to fight anymore." (a legitimate reason why he doesn't want to fight anymore is never presented). On a backpacking trip, he manages to lose track of his girlfriend in a mere two minutes and then goes after her. While he should be commended for not leaving the poor girl (although I have heard there is a secret ending where he does leave her), he is too thick in the head to realize that (SPOILER) she is actually working for the government and has brought him here to stop the threat. Yeah, because that makes sense. "Hmm, we could get a small group of special forces to infiltrate the facility and nullify it. We could just annihilate them with a bomb. Or I could pretend to be interested in this random, douchey guy and take him on a backpacking trip, get captured, have him save me and then nullify the threat-all by himself! That sounds like a great plan!" (Orson Scott Card, your story is horrible and you should feel horrible). (END OF SPOILER). But, despite all of these downfalls, Jason Flemming proves that he is a badass by outsmarting and fighting off the entire Restoration. Though he lacks common sense, he proves that he is at least smart enough to solve puzzles that are throughout the facility. And who knows? Maybe if he is given another iteration, he might not be such a douche. Maybe.

Do you agree or disagree with these? What stupid characters do you support and why? Who knows? They might end up in a subsequent iteration.

Video Game Paraphernalia

2009-11-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

I love most things that have to do with video games. I really would love to have little things throughout my house that allude to certain games. Here are some of my favorites that I have come across on the internet.

The Metroid Coaster

This coaster is in the form of a metroid from the popular video game series. Even better is that they only cost $2.50 a piece so you could easily get enough for your whole house.

The Pacman Beanie

This beanie hat is from the video game Pacman and is reversible to represent the enemies of Pacman before and after he eats a power pellet. Even better, it'll only run you $6.75.

The Freeman Shirt

Let me tell you something about gamers. We love to be snobby. And by that, I mean we love to understand references to things that no one else gets. Hence, my love for this shirt, which references very cleverly the Half-Life series of video games. The main protagonist's name is Gordon Freeman who starts a resistance movement against his oppresive government. I also love the style of the shirt, so that helps. This will run you $22.

The Vault-Boy Bobblehead

Video game publisher Bethesda was to smart to package this in the collector's edition of their video game, Fallout 3. The reason that they were so smart to do this is because collecting bobbleheads is one of the many missions your character must do in the game. So, if you collect them in the game, why not collect them in real life? Not only that, but collecting these in the game provides a very significant boost to your character's abilities which only adds to why a person might want to have one in real life. Out of this whole list, this is the only one I actually have and my wife will attest to my love for this little guy. The game deals with what the nation's capital might look like after a nuclear blast and the radiation fallout (hence the title) that comes with it. Vault-Boy was a promotional figure used by companies to get people to buy fallout shelter's in a psuedo-Cold War era. This guy will run you $12.50.

The Master Sword

Do you ever wish you were Link from the Legend of Zelda? Yeah, me too. If you are willing to shell out $77, you could get his famous sword. My nerdiness only goes so far. This would be for display purposes only.....most likely. (I couldn't find an image small enough so I posted the video from the maker).

The 8-Bit Tie

I really love this tie. It's not from any specific video game but is just meant to show what the tie might look like in an old video game. Very clever. Even better, it only costs $15.

The 1-Up Mushroom

Having a hard day at work? You need a pick me up? How about just an extra-life? This mushroom from the Super Mario games don't really do anything except look really cool, sitting on your desk. But that's enough. It's $7.

Well, that's it for now. I had a lot of fun putting this together so I might do this again sometime.

Howard Beale from the movie, Network

2009-10-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

Below is one of my favorite movie quotes of all-time. It's from the movie, Network, and I recently came across it and thought it was very befitting of our times. I also found a video of it on YouTube if you would rather watch it.

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Pop Culture: Your Weapon When Disaster Strikes

2009-10-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up.

I'm waiting for the time I can save my own life or the lives of others with my knowledge of pop culture. I am positive this will one day happen and I have been studying vigorously my whole life so that when it comes, I will not fail. Sure, it seems implausible that Al-Qaida will one day threaten the world unless I can name the villain in the 1986 movie, Labyrinth, played by David Bowie (the answer is Jareth) but honestly, I rest all my hopes on this. Otherwise, I've wasted a large portion of my life learning random, little facts for no apparent reason.

Jareth, the Goblin King. Fear him. Or you could just tell him that he has no power over you. It's your call.

Sadly, this is what pop culture expects from us. It wants us to care about it so much that we sit around and memorize every little minutiae till it's seared in our brains. When we've done that, then we have to go out and tell every other poor bastard about how Morgan Freeman didn't really catch his big break until he was the age of 50 or how Anthony Hopkins supposedly reads all of his scripts 250 times before he performs them (two facts I find fascinating, by the way). We use this knowledge to jockey our position in the world, sure that if we prove to our friends and colleagues that we know more than them about the Star Wars films or all the places those important numbers pop up in the show Lost, that we are somehow smarter than them or at least more observant. Our power is our knowledge. But after we've bored them with all of our facts about how many times Anthony Kiedis has fallen off of the sober wagon or our fascinating insights into the deeper meanings of Lil Wayne's "Lollipop", where do we go from there?

No one is more lonely than the man on top. The only logical way to find purpose then is to save the world with your knowledge. Yeah, you could become a journalist (Chuck Klosterman is the owner of my heart), or a film maker (Quentin Tarantino loves to bore show us his knowledge) or a hundred other careers that find a use for that knowledge. They would make you happy. But you would ignore your higher calling of being a Pop Culture Warrior. We do not do it for money (although if we entered the World Series of Pop Culture, we would surely win it without a struggle). We do not do it for fame (although being known as the Master Samurai of Pop Culture would be totally awesome). We do not do it because pop culture controls our lives (.....hopefully). We do it because we love it. We love every stupid, little fact about how all of the great rappers in history have had an album cover of theirs adorned with a baby picture, or how many great legends of rock have perished at the age of 27 (Jimi, Janis, Jim, Kurt and others). We love it because we love to see little snippets of coincidence, miracle, happiness or tragedy. We love it because it is our lives through a filter of unadulterated rock n' roll, graffiti art, wardrobe malfunctions, celebrity weddings, celebrity breakups, celebrity deaths and the people who profit off of them (::cough:: Joe Jackson ::cough::), cooking shows, the making of cooking shows, the making of the making of cooking shows, violent video games, comeback roles, and all the other different colors, coincidences, and ironies that make up the gamut of popular culture.

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up.

We love it so much that eventually we become a part of it and that is really what it is all about. Except of course, when we have to save the world with it. You are laughing now. But when Al-Qaida calls you and threatens to blow up your toilet unless you can name the rock star who had a brief cameo appearance in Back to the Future 2, you better be ready.

Learn it. Know it.

2 Years And Counting...

2009-10-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

Today is my two-year wedding anniversary. I am so happy that I've been married to this wonderful woman for that long. This year has definitely not been easy but we have worked through it and become closer because of it. In all this time, however, I have always felt inadequate. Inadequate to be with her, inadequate to be around her, inadequate to cook for her, inadequate to see her sleep, inadequate to see her dance, inadequate, inadequate, inadequate. I will always feel inadequate which is why I'm the luckiest man on earth. 2 years and counting...

Now I will destroy everything I just said by embarrassing her with all of these pictures. Enjoy!

The Pains of Getting Older

2009-09-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

The older I get, the more I hate myself. Has aging always been this closely tied to self-loathing? Year after year, the regrets in life continue to pile up and eventually they'll all crush me like an insect. What is a man to do with these regrets? Does he cast them aside and forgets about them? Does he write them off as something that was not meant to be or something that was not possible or prudent at the time? Or does he carry them around, an eternal reminder of where he could have ended up if he had just had a little more __________? Really anything could fit in there, as many circumstances are different and what you need a little more of varies with time to time.
In different times, I have needed more motivation. Actually, in a lot of times, I have needed more motivation. There is no manual to living your life. You aren't assigned homework but I kind of wished it was. If everything good in life came from doing your homework, I'd be living in the Caribbean in a million dollar beach house, one of those lucky few who got to retire at the age of 30. But it doesn't work like that. The most important and rewarding things in life, you have to make happen for yourself. And for me, that has been really hard to learn. I think I'm still learning it now.
In other times, I have needed more courage. I've often heard it said, "A loser is someone who is too afraid to try because they might fail." I am guilty of this. So, many regrets of mine stem from this simple truth, of times where all I had to do was talk to someone, whether it was to ask someone to do something for me or to let someone know that I was angry with them or sad because of them. But I always chickened out because I was too afraid. I've always avoided confrontation. I'm not sure why. But I am sure, that avoiding it has gotten me nowhere, and because I avoided it, I was only more miserable. Courage is something that can be really elusive because when we think of the word, we immediately think of courage in battle. The hardest courage that a person can learn to have, however, is the one that ultimately will serve you best in life. None of us will ever see battle (God-willing), but we will all have to confront people for their wrongdoing or even if we simply need to ask someone for something from time to time.
There are tons more that I need a little more of but I won't bore you with them. I really do wonder where any of us would be if we had just had a little more of that little extra something at the right place at the right time. These regrets are the ones we have to live with. I'm not sure when it happened but somewhere along the line, life decided to step on the gas. Yesterday, I was 19, tomorrow I'll be 37 and by the end of the year I'll be six feet under. I'm absolutely shocked that it is already the fall of this year. I have no idea where the time went. If it gets any faster, I just might never get around to actually living my life.

The Weight Of Those Before

2009-09-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

Light has weight. Sure, it's small-infinitessimally small in fact-but it weighs down on you, just like cheeseburgers do on your body and regrets do on your conscience. For most of your life you will not notice this. Some of you might still even be silently arguing with me, thinking, "You're lying! Light doesn't have weight!" But it does. And it always has.
If you hadn't known this before, you will definitely notice it now, but not because you actually feel it but because you are expecting to feel it and your mind will tell you that you are feeling it, even though you aren't. I am guilty of this-especially on days when it is surprisingly hot. It feels like the sunglight is just pounding you relentlessly in the face, draining you of your energy. But this is not so much because of the weight of light but because of the heat of the sun rays. The weight of light is something we live with from the time we're born and we just accept it because we can bear it.
There is no weight to a shadow. A shadow represents an absence of light. They are sometimes useful on those really hot days when you find a shadow of a building to cool you off from the sun. But figuratively speaking, the shadows that do have weight, and the shadows which we stand in most of our lives, are the shadows of the ones that have gone before us. Those are the shadows that weigh us down. We don't actually feel it, just like the sunlight, but we think we do. It weighs us down and sometimes it wears us down.
Have you ever been in a dark lit room with another person who is standing far away, with a light shining behind them? Their shadows appear large, too big for any real person to fill. Sometimes their shadows take up the entire room. But if the person standing in the light began to walk towards you, their shadow begins to shrink until when they are standing in front of you, face-to-face, you look back and realize your own shadow is as big as theirs. Sometimes, when its right in front of you, you see things for what they are.
I have heard it said before that, "the rest of those that have gone before us, cannot steady the unrest of those that follow." People all over the world no doubt lose sleep every night, wondering what their deceased parents, grandparents, relatives, dear friends, or even childhood heroes would think of them if they could see how they were living their lives. Like the weight of light, it's a burden we all come to accept eventually. And we accept it because we can bear it. Maybe not at first, but no one is ever resigned to crawling their way through life, the load on their backs forever too heavy for them to carry upright. No, eventually, everyone finds a way.
It seems the closer you are to someone, the further away they are from you in this room of shadows, standing in front of the lights, their shadows bigger than life itself. We try to fill it. We stretch our bodies out this way and that but our efforts are futile and eventually we stop trying. In our minds, the shadows of the ones before us will always be unfillable except by those who filled them. This is something we all carry in one way or another. Eventually, we find a way. And if we're lucky, we might get to stand right in front of them once more, and upon looking back, come to the realization that we were just as big.

Beatles:Rock Band Midnight Release Party

2009-09-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

I've written about lots of midnight releases on here before and if there's one correlating factor about all of them, it's that you never know what to expect. I dealt with screaming 12 years olds for Super Smash Bros. Brawl, took pictures of stormtroopers, Boba Fett and Darth Vader for Star Wars: The Force Unleashed and stood in the absolute longest line of my entire life for Grand Theft Auto IV (it went from inside the store, out the door, and all the way to the doors of Target which is down quite a ways). For Beatles: Rock Band, I expected quite a few people. I, however, was totally wrong. Out of all the midnight releases I've ever been to, this was probably the weakest. I'd say there was, at most, 20 people there. Quite surprising considering a) the popularity of the Beatles and b) the ridiculous marketing campaign that has accompanied the game. I guess you just never know.

I got there at about 11:15, which is a lot earlier than I normally get to these things. I usually try to stay away until about 15 till midnight but I didn't really have a whole lot going on at home so I thought I'd head over. I chatted it up with one of the Gamestop employees. He was nice and really wanted to talk about games which I thought he'd then turn into, "Oh, you should totally pre-order like a quadrillion games coming out next week!" but he didn't. The only annoying thing about talking to these guys is that they a) Think they know more than you about games and b) They never actually do, at least in my case.

Then they started a Beatles: Rock Band tournament, which wasn't really a tournament at all, but more just a hey! You won. Good job. I volunteered to play, more so that I could just play the game and not really caring about winning or losing. I figured I had a good chance of winning though because I'm pretty good at these types of games. I played a cute girl in score duel, which is basically just where we play the same things and whoever has the highest score at the end wins. You'd think with her being a cute girl and all, I'd be nice and let her win. But, I just can't help myself. I thought, "Sorry, cute girl, I'm totally going to murder you at this game." And I did. We played, "I Got A Feeling" and I doubled her score. She was kind of mad about losing. I thought it was pretty hilarious. I, then, got to win a mysterious prize, which consisted of leftover pre-order items that they were trying to get rid of. Sounds really great, right? No, it's not. Most of the stuff was for games I've either never played nor do I care to play. But luckily, they could see I didn't want anything and dug out some drumsticks for Guitar Hero: Smash Hits, which was good because my Rock Band sticks are getting a little worn down. I felt special with my sticks until 5 minutes later, they just began handing out sticks to everyone there. My small victories in life never last long.

We started standing in line and the local news, Channel 13 showed up. They were doing a piece on the release of the game and were looking for someone to interview. Nobody really wanted to do it. I thought about doing it, and then thought, what the hell would I say? "Yeah, you know, it's the Beatles! I love the Beatles. They've really touched my life and I'm glad I get to play as them in a video game." Even if it is true, that doesn't sound any less retarded. So, I declined, and after some begging, someone else finally agreed to do the interview. I still might be on the news though, because he took a lot of shots of the whole store. I'll be the guy at the front of the line, trying to not look so dang nerdy to no avail. Overall, one of the more enjoyable midnight releases, if only because it was way low on the nerd factor.

This is a trailer for the game. As of this writing, I still have yet to play the game except for the song I played in the store. I considered playing it at my home but figured my wife wouldn't appreciate playing loud rock songs while she's trying to sleep. :)

Obama Poster Parodies

2009-09-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

I found a bunch of these and just thought I'd share them. The Obama poster that got cut off says Taupe but I couldn't find a smaller picture.

1901-Phoenix

2009-08-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite song right now. As you can see, it changes quite a bit. The song is so bright, with synthesizers and guitar that really makes you wish that the summer wasn’t coming to a close. I’m actually mad that this song is getting radio play 3 months too late because this is a great summer song. Right before the infectious chanting of “fold it, fold it, fold it”, at the end of each chorus, a synthesizer skyrockets up like an air horn. That’s the sound of your minds being blown. At least it was for me. :) Enjoy. I couldn't find a video of it so I just posted their performance of it on Letterman.

Pitchfork's Top 20 Songs of the Decade

2009-08-21T10:29:00.001-07:00

This entire week, Pitchfork, a music review website has been counting down the greatest songs of the decade. Their list is actually 500 songs, but I thought I would just type out the top 20 for my sanity's sake. Do you agree or disagree? What do you guys think?

20. The Walkmen- "The Rat"
19. R. Kelly- "Ignition (Remix)"
18. Hercules and Love Affair- "Blind"
17. Annie- "Heartbeat"
16. The Rapture- "House of Jealous Lovers"
15. The Knife- "Heartbeats"
14. Jay-Z- "99 Problems"
13. LCD Soundsystem- "Losing My Edge"
12. OutKast- "Hey Ya"
11. Gnarls Barkley- "Crazy"
10. Arcade Fire- "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)"
09. Animal Collective- "My Girls"
08. Radiohead- "Idioteque"
07. Missy Elliott- "Get Ur Freak On"
06. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- "Maps"
05. Daft Punk- "One More Time"
04. Beyonce ft. Jay-Z- "Crazy in Love"
03. M.I.A. ft Bun B and Rich Boy- "Paper Planes (Diplo Remix)
02. LCD Soundsytem- "All My Friends"
01. OutKast- "B.O.B"

It should be noted that Pitchfork is a music site that gears themselves towards mostly underground or non-mainstream music which might explain why you probably haven't heard of a lot of these. It should also be noted that I called half of these songs in the top 20. :)

Harry Patch (In Memory Of)

2009-08-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

I stole this idea from Amber. This is my favorite song right now. It's called "Harry Patch (In Memory Of)" by Radiohead. Harry Patch was the oldest surviving combat soldier of WWI and he recently passed away. He died at age 111. He never spoke about the war and what he'd seen there, until at age 100, he started talking about it and became very opposed to that war and all wars in general. All the lyrics of the song are taken from things he said. He lived through the war, lived to see 2 wives and another female companion pass away, and even lived longer than both of his sons. It's a touching song, heavy on the strings and the heart-strings. Enjoy.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

2009-08-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

I decided I'm going to try harder to have more small blogs instead of long epic ones all the time. So, with this in mind, here is the trailer for the new movie called The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. It stars Heath Ledger (in what I think was his last role), Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, Jude Law, and Tom Waits as The Devil (which is absolutely perfect for him). The visuals look amazing and it was directed by Terry Gilliam. It kind of looks like Ledger, Depp, Farrell, and Law are all the same person which actually might work considering it's a fantasy tale. It was no doubt probably done in lieu of Ledger's death.

You Gotta Believe in Something

2009-08-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

Nene recently posted a blog about movie quotes. Later on, after reading her blog, I was thinking of the predicament that I'm currently in and after thought led to thought, a movie quote popped into my head: "Still, you gotta believe in something." The quote, spoken by the great Alan Arkin in the movie, "13 Conversations About One Thing" is something I've never written down even though I have a personal book of my own where I keep my favorite quotes. I have also only seen this movie once. I remember hardly anything about it. I didn't even think it was that great of a movie. But for some reason this quote has always stuck with me.

It is curious that something so insignificant can come to mean so much to a person. Throughout my life, I've often pondered why people are the way they are, why they do the things they do and more importantly, why I'm the way I am. It's a strain of thought that never has an end because it has no answer. And yet, this quote always comes back to me, "You gotta believe in something."

The more I think about it, the more powerful the statement becomes. Fear can cripple a person and there are different kinds. There's the fear that you could die at any moment. There's the fear that you're doing something that you're not supposed. And there's the fear that you're turning into somebody you never wanted to be. I'm guilty of that one. Fear is not always something that suddenly grabs you. Sometimes it's so quiet that you don't even notice it until you realize you're trapped by it. What can you do? How do you motivate yourself? Well, my friends, you gotta believe in something. Whether it's a religion, a belief in a lifelong dream you have, a belief that the world's gonna end in three years, a belief that money's the key to happiness, a belief in the Loch Ness monster, or just believing in yourself, the only thing you can do is believe in something so strongly that your fear is no longer a problem. You replace your fear with something much more important and it doesn't mean that you're no longer afraid, just that you've realized that you can't waste any more time because your belief is so strong it has led you to action.

In the movie, the quote is nothing significant to the rest of the film. It is spoken simply, without fanfare. I don't remember exactly what Arkin was talking about but I'm pretty sure he was talking about an old friend of his who had found some crazy religion and after ridiculing him and poking fun at his friend, he has the simple realization, "Still, you gotta believe in something." It's a quote I think I will contemplate for the rest of my life. I'm at least going to put it into my quote book.

Rejuvenated

2009-07-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in awhile as you've probably noticed. I just haven't been that motivated to do it. I actually haven't been that motivated to do much of anything lately. I'm not sure why. But today, I woke up and I just felt like getting things done that I've been putting off.

Nothing much has been going on with me. I had a job interview last Wednesday but I guess I didn't get it because I haven't heard from them. It's okay though. It was a crappy job anyway that I was just going to take just to have something. Stace-Ghost and I spend most of our days hanging out together. We eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together and we usually watch TV shows that we have on DVD while we do it (watched 5 seasons of the Office, 3 seasons of Arrested Development and now the 2nd and 3rd seasons of Scrubs). Two of my closest friends are back now. It's good to have them back although it's kind of a trade because they come back and now I'm going to lose another friend in September because he's moving to Chicago for law school. But it's good to have them all here for now.

The house is pretty much finished now and it looks really good. I'm just glad to not have construction workers at my house all the dang time. I'm really so tired of living in construction zones and yet my wife tells me that when we buy our own house (which could be in the near future) she would like to buy a fixer-upper and have us fix everything ourselves. UGGGHHHH!

I got to jam with my friend (one of the ones who recently returned) who is also my drummer on Saturday and it was a lot of fun but man was I rusty. It kind of irks me too because I really had been practicing a lot in the past few months. Oh well. We went to see some of our friends get married afterwards and it was a lot of fun. In a former life of mine, I used to love to go to dances. I used to love going with my friends and just being totally crazy for a couple of hours until one day, it just wasn't that fun anymore. Well, at the wedding, I did some dancing and it brought all those memories back. It was great. I also got to see a lot of old friends from high school who I hadn't seen in years and it was really great to see all of them. They did a honeymoon dance where you pay a dollar if you want to dance with either the bride or groom. I paid two dollars so I could dance with both. I told a friend, "It's the only way we get to talk to them!"

Well, thats it for me but I'll try to not go M.I.A. for such a long period of time again.

Ohhhhh I Am Going Back

2009-06-22T22:35:00.001-07:00

I've recently decided that I need to go back to school. There are a number of reasons, most of them being money. I haven't decided what to go back to school for, however, I know that when I get out of school this time, I want to have a job right off the bat that makes a good amount of money. I've recently been thinking about doing the following things that each have pros and cons and I want to get everyone's opinion.

1. Pharmacy:

Pros: 1. Once I graduated, I would make a lot of money, probably a higher starting salary than the other two jobs.
2. I would be in a job where I am constantly helping people, which is good.
3. There is a huge need for pharmacists, so I wouldn't have a problem finding a job.
4. Though medicine and technology are constantly evolving, my job would for the most part, stay the same, which is good.
5. My work days would be fairly normal, with most weeks requiring no more than 40 hours, and some no more than 50, which I don't mind.

Cons: 1. The program is very long, and it might be 5-6 years before I graduated.
2. The program is the most intensive of the three, and I would have 18 hour semesters for probably the entire program, all while trying to work part-time as well.
3. There is a possibility I might not even be accepted into the program if I applied, because they receive so many applicants that do not have the qualities they're looking for.

2. Law/Business

Pros: 1. If I were to do this program, I would gain not only a law degree (J.D.) but a business degree (M.B.A.) as well. And it would only be four years.
2. I'm sure lots of positions would be open to me by having both degrees.
3. Since I love to write, I think a law degree would carry over well with my ability to write and analyze documents, especially if I specialized in contract writing or something of the sort.
4. I'd have a very nice starting salary, probably somewhere around $65,000.
5. I'd have the ability to help people by protecting their rights within the law.

Cons: 1. It'd be at least four years before I graduated, maybe longer.
2. I might be wrong, but I can see this profession having the most intensive work week of the three, with many weeks of over 50 hours of work or more, which I don't like.

3. Finance

Pros: 1. It'd be the shortest program of them all, and if I hurried, I might could finish within 2 and half years.
2. I'd start out at probably the lowest starting salary of them all, but probably no less than $50,000.
3. This would be the easiest work week of them all, working mostly banker's hours, and very few weeks requiring more than 40 hours of work.
4. By majoring in finance, I could potentially (if I showed a lot of promise) move all the way up the corporate ladder, even all the way to being the CFO (chief financial officer) of a company. It is very unlikely, but it'd be nice to know that there is so much potential ahead.

Cons: 1. I'd be mostly crunching numbers and sitting in meetings. Really, really boring in my opinion.
2. While there are a lot of finance positions (because every business needs a finance person), I think there are less opportunities than the other two careers.
3. I'm still thinking about the mind-numbingness of number one.

4. Something else.

I'm open to the possibility that although I've looked into these three careers, that none of them is what I should do. I really feel like I need to go back to school. I've felt like that ever since I graduated, but I just thought I'd eventually get with a company and go back for something they wanted me to go back for so they'd pay for it and I'd have a job when I graduated. Since that hasn't happened, I'm tired of waiting and I just want to go. The end result of all of this is I want to be able to provide for myself and my family. I want to make enough money to not have to worry about it anymore. I want to make enough money so that I can send all of my kids to college. I want to make enough money so I can travel and see the world, and live a comfortable life and not be afraid to go see a movie, or go to Chili's for dinner because we don't have the money. Money isn't everything, but there is nothing wrong for wanting that security and comfort. Anyway, I'd like to hear everyone's opinions about this. Thanks.

Socail Networking: Your Best Weapon During The Revolution

2009-06-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

I've been watching the news closely over the past few days for news about Iran. For those of you who might be out of the loop, basically President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (as I will hereto refer to as Crazy Ahmad) has suspiciously won an election in his country in a landslide. Naturally, after hundreds of thousands of Iranians turned out for the election to vote him OUT of office, they have started protesting. And it's about time.
This has caused Crazy Ahmad and company to fire back by not guaranteeing the safety of his opponent in the election, Hussain Mousavi. The protests against Crazy Ahmad have been going on for days now and basically Iran is staring a revolution in the face. But, as the old saying goes, the revolution will indeed not be televised.
The reason is not because Crazy Ahmad has shut down the media in his country (even though he has) but the word of these protests did not get out through CNN or any other major news company, but from normal everyday bloggers and social networkers in Iran. As one blogger wrote, "Iran is going to crap and CNN is showing a program about dogs." (I misquoted that but it was something to that effect).
As the Iranian government has shut down all media stations and ousted foreign journalists, social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook are the only ways for the Iranian people to get news out to the world about whats going on. It's even gotten to the point that the US State Department has recently asked Twitter to delay an update to their site that would put the site offline to the Iranian people for most of the day. Twitter has since complied with the request stating that they realized how important of a role their site was playing in the grand scheme.
As I heard about this, I was elated. Iran has needed a revolution for quite some time and it was so amazing to know that social networking sites were protesters best weapon against Big Brother. The Iranian government has continued their efforts to silence the protestors but with current technology, they are fighting an uphill battle. Finally, we can be assured that the people, the regular everyday people of the world, have the power.
At least until this escalates towards violence. Real weapons are always the ultimate silencers but the truth about the events that are happening now will stand as a witness against those who will use real violence to silence their people. This government might try to squash the truth, to hide it but the world will know. I hope this protest can end peacefully with real change and freedom coming to the Iranian people. But if that is not possible, we will know. And we will know through tweets and status updates. Welcome to the 21st century. Power to the people.

The Elephant In The Room

2009-06-10T16:14:00.000-07:00

I've been out of work for quite awhile now. I don't like talking about it mostly because I feel so ashamed of myself and I like to give people the impression that I'm fine. To be honest, I AM fine. But I really do wish that I had a job. I really do like working. There is something that is really unconscious about work, a feeling that you're being useful and contributing that you never notice until it's gone. I've recently been trying to break into a writing career, writing for local newspapers and magazines around Albuquerque but nothing has really happened even though I emailed all of them that I could find. I did get the okay to do freelance work for the Alibi but when I emailed the editors about any assignments they had, they said they didn't have any and that they almost never use freelancers, which is not good for me. I've emailed so many freakin' people about jobs I just want to scream. I keep thinking of giving Accounting Principals another call, which is my temp agency, and telling them I'll do anything they want but it feels like I'd be giving up and raising the white flag if I did that. When I was doing all of those crappy jobs for them, there was not a single day that went by where I didn't feel like I was wasting my time and abilities and that I really needed to leave and find something better. But, I just don't know what to do anymore. I really want to get a career in line so that Stacy and I can start a family and I could support us all. I've fasted and prayed and so has my wife, and many other family and friends. I feel grateful that I've had so much support but I'm sad that I haven't helped that support come to fruition. Anyway, I just thought I should update everybody on what's going on and thank you for all your support.

Milo

2009-06-02T23:46:00.001-07:00

This is a video of the aforementioned Milo (see post "E3"). It is both fascinating and frightening. Enjoy.

E3

2009-06-01T12:18:00.001-07:00

E3 kicks off today and for those of you who don't know what that is, its the biggest video game conference of the year. E3 stands for the Electronic Entertainment Expo and the biggest video game news of the year is announced here. And after watching Microsoft's press conference, I can say the future is here and its frightening.
Microsoft, after announcing a number of triple-A video games coming to the 360, completely floored me with their announcement of motion-sensing technology. I know what you're thinking, "I liked it better when it was called the Wii" which was exactly what I thought at first. Microsoft's motion-sensing technology differs from the Wii in that you don't even use a controller, and the camera (which you would set on top of your TV) is capable of capturing your full body movements. They showed a demo of a girl frantically trying to kick balls that were flying at her onscreen avatar and it appeared that the camera captured every single movement even down to her little flinches.
The demo continued with the announcement that not only does this technology have motion-sensing, but voice recognition as well. Then ensued a guy who was painting an onscreen canvas with his avatar and simply by speaking which colors he wanted to use, the game recognized it and would change as he painted a picture of a palm tree on a beach.
Then the next part got really creepy. They showed this technology going even further to science fiction level escapades as they introduced a character called Milo. Milo is an actual video game character that a real person can interact with. Using the voice recognition technology, a real person talked to Milo and asked how he was doing and he would even ask questions back. The real person went and played with Milo and fished with him and drew pictures and there was point where the real person drew a picture on a piece of paper and held it up to the camera and immediately Milo had a white piece of paper in his hand as if she had just handed it to him in real life. He looked at the drawing and actually commented on it. I don't know how I felt about this. It was strange and kind of frightening to see a real person interact with a video game character in this way but at the same time, it was fascinating that things like this were possible. Microsoft made no announcements about the price of this technology at this time but I don't see it being very cheap.
It was a hell of a way to kick off E3 and I'm interested to see what the next three days of the conference holds.

TV On The Radio

2009-05-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

This is a concert review I wrote for Randomville. I also included some videos of the band if you're interested. The first is a live version of "Golden Age" on the British show Later...With Jools Holland. The second is a live version of "Dancing Choose" on Letterman. Enjoy.

5/18/09- It’s amazing that with all the success TV On The Radio has had over the past few years that I would find them in a place like the Diamond Ballroom in Oklahoma City on Monday night. It’s not that the venue is bad or too small but after being hailed as one of the best bands of this generation by everyone from Rolling Stone to Spin magazine, I expected to find the band in much different circumstances.
The Diamond Ballroom is on the outskirts of Oklahoma City, down the street from a Budweiser factory, and has a dirt parking lot. The inside looks like it was once used as a country-western bar where people would square dance and the stage at the north end of the venue was added as an afterthought. I was highly excited. It’s not that often that a person catches a great band in such a strange and intimate setting.
The opening band was, “Little Dragon”, and though the vocals from lead singer Yukimi Nagano immediately reminded me of Bjork, their music was much more upbeat and danceable-a perfect opening band for TV On The Radio. Their set was heavily driven by the keyboards of Hakan Wirenstrand that always seemed to add that little extra-something to the mix to make them not only fun but interesting as well. Their songs would often devolve into percussion-driven and ambient interludes that always threatened to lose the interest of the crowd before vocalist Nagano would grab their attention with an ear-catching melody. The crowd was very warm to the band, which is always nice to see.
It was close to 40 minutes before TV On The Radio took the stage after Little Dragon closed their set and by that time, the Diamond Ballroom was packed and stifling. Without any air-conditioning and only three exits that were open to the night air, it was damn hot in there. It was interesting to see that the band had no great stage setup, no smoke machines or even great lights. But none of that mattered when they opened their set with “Dirtywhirl” because the crowd immediately began to dance and move and sing along, totally forgetting their previous predicament of being hot and of the band not having a big production for them to see. I was surprised that though the crowd was somewhat small, they were completely dedicated to the band, singing along to all of the songs and clapping when prompted to do so by lead singer Tunde Adebimpe. I loved watching him dance around the stage with so much charisma and passion.
The band played a tight set, playing 10 of the 11 tracks (I don’t count “Silence” because…well, it’s nothing but silence) from Dear Science. Towards the middle of the set, they played fan favorite “Golden Age” and a rousing version of “Wolf Like Me” back-to-back and it was great to hear the crowd sing “We’re howlin’ forever!” at the end of the song. Other great live songs were “Dancing Choose” and “Red Dress” with rhythm guitar player Kyp Malone taking the lead vocals on the latter song and declaring, “I’m scared to death I’m living a life not worth dying for”. It seemed like the night could go on forever,
For the encore, they played a beautiful version of “Family Tree” which is heavily-driven by a string section on the album but was instead driven here by a delay-effect on the guitar of lead guitarist and producer Dave Sitek. The song was intimate and emotional and really calmed the crowd down after all the rabble-rousing of the evening. They closed the show by inviting members from opening band, Little Dragon, and a few other friends of the band to play, “A Method” from their album, Return To Cookie Mountain. The song features nothing but various percussion instruments and a bass and as a stage spectacle, one of the friends of the band poured a full bottle of water onto his giant drum so that water would spray in all directions as he hit it. It was a great closer.
Despite the band having a few sound problems (which I blame more on the venue than the band), the show was absolutely amazing as the songs of the band were really meant to be played live. If this band is coming your way anytime soon, do yourself a favor and go see them. If you’re lucky, you might catch them in an intimate setting like I saw them because it is only time before this band is playing stadiums.

The NINJA Tour

2009-05-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

Here is a piece I wrote for Randomville that did not get published because competing sites had already published similar articles.

5/14/09- The NINJA Tour came through Albuquerque this evening on a beautiful night in the desert. The weather was in the low 60s and stayed there through the remainder of the show which I, and the rest of the crowd were very happy about.
I arrived there a little late but got there just as the first band, Street Sweeper Social Club, began to perform. Street Sweeper Social Club is Tom Morello’s new band and they set the bar high for the night with their energy and enthusiasm. You really couldn’t ask for a better opening band. A lot of people are already beginning to talk about how the band is “not as good as Rage Against the Machine”. Who the hell cares? Their lead singer, Boots Riley, might not have the fire of De La Rocha but what he lacks in passion he makes up for in charisma. He was great to the crowd and it was great to see him dancing, and sometimes rolling around the stage. A few songs into their set, they covered “Paper Planes” by M.I.A. and replaced the gunshots on the chorus with distorted guitars and the sound of the cash register with harmonics. It was a great cover. At the end of their set, they offered a chance for a fan to come back stage and meet them by texting “Street” to a number that they then provided. I texted them but was not chosen. I guess you can’t have everything. But it’s not a problem because I greatly enjoyed their set and began to think that they just might steal the show from the two remaining bands. How wrong I was.
I need to take a moment here to applaud the stage crew that worked at Journal Pavilion in Albuquerque because they were hands down the best crew at a concert I’ve ever seen, which is saying a lot. It was only a mere 20 minutes before Nine Inch Nails took the stage and they must have felt the energy from Street Sweeper Social Club because they came out fierce and explosive. On the opening song, a riotous version of “Somewhat Damaged”, Trent Reznor and company did everything they could to trash the stage from throwing mic stands and guitars all over the place. It was great to see. There was no slowing down either. Throughout their 20-plus song set, they never once played a song that you could label as “quiet” or “slow”. Towards the end of their set, they played “Head Like A Hole” and it was wonderful to hear thousands of people scream “I’d rather die than give you control”. Before their closing song, Reznor began to talk about how it was great that so many fans had stuck with the band over the years and that after this current tour the band was going to take an “extended break”. I don’t know what to make of that statement but if this tour is the last the band ever plays, then they must be determined to go out with a bang. I can honestly say that it was the most explosive set I’ve ever seen.
Once they finished, it was only another 20 minutes (seriously, this is unprecedented) before Jane’s Addiction came out. Before they began to play, they showed a clip from the movie, The River Wild, where Kevin Bacon talks to a kid about Jane’s Addiction and the kid remarks, “Wish I could’ve seen them before they broke up”. Perry Farrell and crew came out and Perry Farrell yelled, “Good evening, Santa Fe!” Oops. However, the crowd didn’t mind and Farrell apologized later on in the show. Although people have always thought Farrell to be odd and eccentric, the one thing that I’ve always admired about him is his happiness and enthusiasm, as he’s always smiling and dancing around with the crowd. Halfway through the set, they played “Been Caught Stealing” and a fan jumped on stage and began to slowly dance around Farrell. Farrell yelled, “You better bring it if you’re gonna be up here” and danced around with the man for awhile before security shooed him offstage. The band hasn’t lost any speed, as all the members of the band have seemed to improve at their instruments. It’s still amazing to watch Dave Navarro, Eric Avery and Stephen Perkins play as they’re all virtuosos at their instruments. The highlight for me though, was when they played “Mountain Song” which got a big reaction from the crowd. I think a lot of us were waiting for that one.
All in all, it was an amazing show and it has set the bar high for the rest of the summer. If the NINJA tour is coming through your town, do yourself a favor and go see it. You might not get another chance to see anything like it again.

The Food Network Foray

2009-05-13T01:37:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in every unemployed person’s unemployment when things take a strange turn. For bizarre and often unknown reasons, the person always begins to create a routine that becomes more important than everything else in their life. By keeping the routine, they create a sense of normalcy when what is actually happening is far from anything normal. They need the routine. It means everything. It is everything. This is how I came to know the answers to all of the great questions of life by religiously watching the Food Network.
While that statement might be a little hard-to-swallow, it is easier to see once you have watched it as closely as I have. There are statements throughout the various shows of the Food Network that could apply to all of the great questions of humanity. Why are we here? According to Marc Summers’ Unwrapped, there is a company that now makes organic cotton candy. This could also be read as: We are here to help create a utopia where people can strive to not only make things better but to learn from the mistakes of their past so that they can create a better future. This is why organic cotton candy not only tastes better but is also better for you rather than enlarging areas of your body that you do not want to enlarge. What are the most important things in life? According to Sunny Anderson’s Cooking For Real, it is fun, time and flavor which could also mean: It is important to enjoy life and experience all the ups and downs of life before our time is up. Who knew that food could be existential?
Whether I’m watching Guy Fieri eat cheeseburgers the size of his head or Alton Brown explain the science of the steel in common cutlery, there are always lessons to be learned. Duff Goldman has taught me that anything is possible, specifically in regards to making amazing cakes but also to other once-thought impossible challenges. Will America ease tensions with North Korea? All Kim Jong-Il needs is a large cake from America based on some aspect of his life portrayed through cute fondant caricatures. It could show him ordering people around, acting totally insane, etc. He’d love it. Will humans ever have world peace? Yes, provided that there is a cake as big as the moon that incorporates a fountain, staircase or some kind of moving element, preferably a spinning penguin. Will humanity ever repair the tear in the Earth’s atmosphere? Yes, provided that there is a crap load of fondant.
Though I’ve spent every single night for the past few months watching various Food Network shows, it never makes me any better at cooking. As the wonderful cooks and chefs offer loads of tips and tricks in the kitchen, I always think to myself, “Huh, I need to try that” before getting up and going to Wendy’s to order a spicy chicken sandwich. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve watched informative shows on how to cook healthy meals while surrounded by leftover bags and large, empty cups from a plethora of fast food restaurants. They're like empty but all-too-present vessels of failure.
So, what does this tell us? Cooking food can offer the secrets of the universe as long as those secrets don’t have to do with actual food. Sure, they offer useful information but unless you are sitting with a pen and pad, furiously scribbling down extensive instructions, or if you happen to have a memory like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, there is no way that you will remember it all. Instead, you get different pieces to hundreds of different puzzles that you will never be able to put all together. I’ve learned how to put a rub on ribs, but know nothing about what to do after that. I’ve learned how to sear a steak, but do not know how to add flavor. And while this is unfortunate that I could learn everything but still know nothing in regards to food, I’m much more interested in learning about the universe. Or maybe I just want someone else to cook.
Whatever the reason, the next time you are wondering about the world around you, don’t pick up Kierkegaard or Socrates, Nietzsche, or Kant. Turn on your television to the Food Network where the real philosophers reside whether it’s Paula Deen, Bobby Flay or the earthly angel, Giada de Laurentiis. I might be crazy to think all of this nonsense about food and existence but…..another episode of Iron Chef America is coming on and I’ve been desperately wanting to know when human beings will be able to fly. And if Masaharu Morimoto has anything to say, it’s probably soon.

Don't Let Me Down

2009-04-30T12:42:00.000-07:00

I was kinda down yesterday and I decided to watch some videos on youtube and I came across this video and I love it and I can't get it out of my head so I thought I'd share. This is a song called "Don't Let Me Down" by the Beatles and as you see in the video, it was one of the songs from their famous rooftop performance. Even though I have almost all of their albums, I had never heard this song before. I guess it was a b-side to their Let It Be album and was released on the Let It Be Naked compilation. I love seeing them play together cuz you can just see how much they liked to do it, how John and Paul always look at each other and smile. Its good to see and makes me reminisce about playing with my band. It really helped cheer me up so maybe it will do the same for you. Enjoy.

Because Boxes Make The Best Forts

2009-04-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling nostalgic for the good ol' days when everyday was funny back when I was a teenager so I thought I'd tell you a story from those days.
One day, I must have been 16, my friends and I, bored with the summer days and tired of the same old stuff decided that we wanted to build an amazing fort like we did when we were kids. This sounds more difficult than it sounds because you can't just use anything. You need big boxes and to make your life easier, finding big boxes that are all the same size is a good idea. We had no idea where to find these but since my friend's parents worked at Wal-Mart, we thought that that'd be a good idea of where to start.
We went to the Wal-Mart and found out that they DID have boxes and they were free but that we had to come at 6 in the morning and you had to just take what they gave you (meaning they would be all different sizes and shapes). Disappointed but not yet dissuaded by the idea, we thought well, we'll just buy them, I mean, how much can a box cost? Actually quite a lot, which we found out quite quickly. I think it was around a dollar and thirty cents a box, and to make a really good fort, we needed at least 30 boxes. Being poor teenagers, we decided that this would not work either. We didn't know what to do and were about to give up when my best friend all the sudden said, "Wait. I know what to do. Let's go back to the van and I'll tell you what to do."
In those days, my mother had a purple mini-van which I drove everywhere. I didn't have a car and my friends didn't either so my mother's purple mini-van was our only mode of transportation. We were so cool.
So, we went back to the mini-van and my friend instructed me to drive around to the back of Wal-Mart. He pointed to a storage closet that was on the outside of the building. He said, "I remembered that they store boxes over here that they plan to re-use. When I say go, me and him (my other friend) will get out and grab these boxes and we'll jump in and you hit the gas." I started laughing and I was about to protest the whole idea but we were already to the closet and before I knew it, my friend had yelled, "Go!" and jumped out and started throwing boxes in the car. They couldn't keep it together though. All three of us were dying of laughter and the two throwing the boxes couldn't even get any boxes cuz they were laughing so hard. They finally finished and jumped in and yelled, "Go! Go! Go!" to which I slammed on the gas and sped off.
I realized pretty quickly though that nobody had saw us so I slowed down and went the normal speed. I kept it that speed all the way back to the house. When we got home, we took all of our boxes to the back yard and began assembling. They were easy to put up because they were all the same size but we realized pretty quickly that it wasn't going to work. We didn't have enough boxes. The dream had been to build a fort big enough that I could walk through standing up straight. Being that I was 6'2", we needed quite a lot of boxes. We barely had enough for one wall. So instead, we set them up and then jumped into them.
But it didn't matter. The fun was in the journey. I really think that even if we had had enough boxes to finish the fort, we would have got bored with it pretty quickly. We were 16 years old. What were we going to do in a fort?
We were so happy with our victory. All we had REALLY wanted to do was to do something different and out-of-the-ordinary, to break from the norm and the beaten path. We had achieved that and to this day we all still remember it vividly.

Prayers Answered

2009-04-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and looked outside and saw a whole bunch of snow clouds in the sky and realized that it was freezing outside. I got online to check the weather reports and saw that it was snowing over where we were supposed to have our campout tonight. Even more important was that the roads were getting bad. I called my partner and we decided to cancel the camping trip. Honestly, its a bit of a relief. I was worried about my car making it because its kind of old and beat up so I'm glad that I don't have to forge icy roads and whatnot. Thank you for all your prayers and support! Apparently they worked, in one way or another.

Say A Prayer

2009-04-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

I need everyone to say a prayer for me. Tomorrow, I'm taking four 11-year old boys camping for the night. I'm the assistant scout leader and my partner will not be able to go so I have to take them. Luckily, three of the four boys' fathers are coming so that will be nice to have some help. We're going to Bluewater Lake which is about an hour and a half outside of Albuquerque. I'm just hoping my car can make it and that we can fit all of the boys and the gear inside. It'll be tight. I'm worried about so many things but I'm trying to reassure myself that everything will be okay. If anything does go wrong or we forget something, we just have to suffer for one night, right? Anyway, do me a favor and pray for me. Pray with all of your fervor. I'm gonna need it. I'll report back afterwards.

I Dreamed A Dream

2009-04-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

My wife showed me this yesterday and I saw it again today and thought I'd share it with you all. Some of you have probably already seen this but for those of you who haven't, its a real treat. Such a beautiful song too. You'll have to follow the link because they disabled people's ability to embed it onto their pages. Anyway, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Babs Goes Pro

2009-04-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

I've been keeping it to myself for awhile, partly because I don't like talking about myself and partly because I didn't know if it would pan out, but I have gone professional...sort of. I have begun to write reviews for a website called Randomville. It doesn't pay (at least not yet) and honestly, if it never does, I don't really care. The byline with my name on it means everything.
It is a legitimate website and everything I post goes through an editor who I am in constant contact with throughout the publishing process. I will do mostly game reviews since I know so much about the subject and since that is what they will mostly be lacking but my editor is open to almost anything I feel like writing, with the exception of religion and politics. Sometimes, I'll even do music reviews, and even though they don't pay, they'll send me a free cd and I get to keep it!
I know its not really a big deal and I'll only be doing it in my spare time, but for someone who's not had a lot going for him as of late, it is definitely a confidence booster.
If you want, go to the website, randomville.com and see my first review. If it sounds familiar, it is. I posted the review on my blog awhile back. Anyway, I guess thats all. We'll see where it goes.

Everyone Wants To Be In A Movie (Unfortunately)

2009-04-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

Throughout my whole life, I've noticed something strange. People often tend to be overly dramatic, over-zealous, and downright stubborn with certain things in their lives. I've known many people who thrive on drama, they constantly hate it publicly while loving it secretly, who can't go on living unless a million different things are going wrong. You can blame the parents, or society, the country, global warming, the Free Masons, Marilyn Manson, the weird spot on your body, or even the scary guy at the park that one time, and you'd be wrong on all accounts. It is none of these things, as treacherous as some may be. The real reason that people are like this is that everyone wants to be in a movie.
This seems like a simplified answer to a complex problem but think about it to yourself; has anyone ever said anything that was a bit strange? I'm not talking about something random or something out of the ordinary but something that you would only expect to hear in....well, a movie!
To exemplify what I'm talking about, I will relate a story. I have a friend who's girlfriend left him. It was not the first time she had done so. In fact, she had left him four or five times previously. In a dramatic flair, she packed up her things and left. My friend was heartbroken. I told him that I was sorry but not to worry because she would probably be back, just like she had all of those other times. In a dramatic flair, he told me, "Not this time." My eyes then proceeded to roll out of my skull in sarcasm. I left him to his pity party only to hear that the following morning, his girlfriend came back.
So, let's analyze this. If I was smart enough to know that his girlfriend would come back, then that means that my friend would too, since he has spent far more time with her and obviously knows how to push her buttons since she left, and how not to cross the line. So, if he knew all of this, why did he act dramatically and tell me, "Not this time" when he could have just agreed with me? It's because he wants to be in a movie. However, since he will never be in a movie, he has to act out his dramatic moments in real life.
In a way, I understand this. There are many moments in my own life, where having that musical soundtrack swell at the right time would make a good moment so much better. I've also always wished for that a-ha moment to come, where the main character of the film is in the dumps, and then is told something wise by a wise and unexpected person and then begins to turn his life around because of it. We also all play our own favorite parts. I'm the good-friend-you-can-count-on-who-tells-it-like-it-is-and-tragically-dies- to-the- detriment-of-all-like-Mercutio-in-Romeo-and-Juliet-except-that-I-don't- dress-up-like- a-woman-at-the-beginning-of-the-movie-because-thats-kind-of-weird. That's my favorite part to play.
The part that most people like to play though is not so much an actual part but more so a scene. And the scene they like to play most is the one-liner-that-sums-it-up. Hence, why my aforementioned friend opted to say, "Not this time". If we had been in a movie, he would have said it with a close-up on his face, staring off into the distance before cutting back to me for a reaction shot where I have nothing to say. The scene then would have ended.
Since we were not in a movie, I ended up wanting to puke at the over-the-top dramatics of the whole thing.
Everyone just wants to say something profound, something that people will remember. They seek to have those moments (or scenes) because they want their lives to mean more, whether to themselves or to others. But in all honesty, I prefer honesty. Why do we need to say something profound? Why do we need to give more meaning to moments that have no meaning? Let's live life in the here and now, and say profound things if we think of them rather than thinking of something clever so we can act in the secret movie that no ones watching or cares to watch. Just live with all of our inadequacies and our troubles. It's better than a movie.

Happy Birthday, Survival Knife!

2009-03-30T01:36:00.000-07:00

Today is my brother's birthday. I have some things I'd like to share about him. But before I get to that, I just want to announce that this will be my last birthday post. I like making people embarrassed and appreciated by doing them, but there are some memories I do not want to share, not because they are embarrassing to the person involved, but because some memories are for me. That and, eventually, I might run out of things to tell and then I'd feel really bad. Anyway, without further ado...

If there's one thing you should know about my brother and I, its that we absolutely hated each other when we were growing up. Actually, I don't know if that is true. Let me rephrase that. I absolutely hated him growing up. He would always pick on me and I would bug him or aggravate him to do something so I could fight him or he could beat me up so I could get him in trouble. The only time we weren't fighting was when we would form a temporary truce to battle my sister, Amber, if she was put in charge and had begun to quickly declare her kingdom a dictatorship. He beat me up so many times when I was younger-although I probably deserved at least half of them. I used to swear to my mother that when I grew up, I was gonna beat him up. Now, that I AM grown up, I don't want to anymore. It was a curious thing how it happened. I remember one day being in the kitchen at our house, and I think I was around twelve, which would put my brother at 16. Out of the blue, he just...started talking to me...asking me about things...telling me that he wanted to show me some stuff he bought and was excited about. I was a bit skeptical. Was this some sort of new military strategy he was starting? Was I on new and dangerous and uncertain ground? But nothing happened. He was being nice to me and just kept being nice to me. He had grown up. I was so glad. Now, we are very close, maybe even the closest of the siblings just because we have many of the same interests. He has influenced me in so many ways, I don't think he even realizes.

Even though he might have picked on me when I was younger, he was still my older brother, and younger brother's all think that their older brother can beat up anyone else's older brother. One time, I was getting into lots of fights at school with a certain kid. This was when I was in kindergarten, so I don't think that the fights were very serious. You can rest easy, Mom. Anyway, I would always fight this boy and sometimes I would win and sometimes he would win. Then there was a few weeks stretch where I couldn't beat him, no matter what I did. So, I asked my brother, even though we didn't get along, on how to fight and what to do. He taught me some things, which I was surprised he did instead of just blowing me off. The next day, I got into a fight with that same boy and I won! I was so happy that I had finally won and I was happy that my brother had helped me do it.

My brother knows so much about so many things. He gets that from our father. He is a library of information and I always ask his opinion about things that I'm unsure about. He never thinks I'm stupid for not knowing something and is always glad to impart his knowledge to all of his family and friends.

One of my favorite childhood memories of my brother is one where for some reason, the tv where we played our video games ended up in the room that we shared along with our video games. My brother and I stayed up the entire night. I'm not even kidding. We played video games all night, and when we would get tired of that, we would play with these new cards that my brother had, which were crazy 8's, Old Maid, and a few other card games. We had so much fun. I think my mom knew we had stayed up all night because the next day, the tv and video games were taken out of our room again.

My brother is a wonderful man. I'm glad that we've become so close and I hope that we continue our relationship for the rest of our lives. Happy birthday, brother.

10 Things That Make Me Feel Good

2009-03-25T18:11:00.001-07:00

No explanation is needed I hope. Here we go:

1. The song "In This Home On Ice" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

2. Pretty much anything from Keva Juice (although I've heard Wheat Grass juice is disgusting)

3. Jamming with my bands

4. Writing pretty much anything

5. Traveling pretty much anywhere

6. Sushi-the Dragon Roll is to die for

7. Being crazy, which is harder and harder to do, the older I get

8. Watching a movie and knowing in the first five minutes that I'll be a different person when the movie is over (it doesn't happen that often)

9. Dispatching of Ganon in all of his various forms throughout the history of time

10. Intercepting a football in a game

Happy Birthday Dad!

2009-03-23T14:51:00.001-07:00

With lack of something interesting to write about, I thought I'd write about my Dad's bday 5 days early.

Here are some memories I have of my Dad:

When I was 14 or 15, my father was put in as the Young Men's quorum president and he was in charge of our High Adventure trips. We went up to Durango and went hiking, white water rafting, and mountain biking. The mountain biking turned out to be the highlight of the trip for me. It was 25 miles through a beautiful mountain pass. There was probably 20 of us and once we got out on the trail, we all went our own pace. To this day, it is still one of my favorite memories. There were a lot of times where I was completely by myself, where I couldn't see the person in front of me and I couldn't see the person behind me. I was enjoying the scenery and the sounds of the mountain. The other nice thing is that the trail was mostly in the shade so it wasn't too hot. To keep people from getting lost, my father was riding behind everyone else. And he followed REALLY behind. He got to the end of the trail a whole hour and a half after the person before him. He denies that it was because he was slow though. He just says that "he was enjoying the sights".

My dad and I would go to the climbing gym quite a bit when I was younger. I actually preferred it over real climbing because it didn't take long to get to the gym and you didn't have to set anything up. And it was fun. He never climbed that much and always preferred to belay (is that how you spell it?). I always enjoyed these times because we were constantly communicating with each other. I would tell him when I needed to rest and sometimes, I would ask him for suggestions about where to go. One time in particular, I wanted to attempt an overhang, which is pretty difficult because it requires a lot of upper body strength. I had never been able to do it before and my Dad had me watch some of the other more experienced climbers in the gym before I tried it. When it was finally my turn, I was able to emulate what they had done and I did it. However, I was not able to finish the climb. I got past the overhang and then couldn't figure out how to reach the top. Still, it was always fun going with him.

My dad and I always watched the Dallas Cowboys together. My mom hated it a lot of the time because if they were losing, we would get so mad about it. However, if they won, we would be really happy. My dad would always say, "See, life is good when the Cowboys win." I couldn't agree more.

I always have enjoyed talking to my Dad. He knows so much about so many things that it makes him a good conversationalist. If he doesn't know about something, he always asks questions about it. I think I got that same quality from him because I'm the same way.

Instead of getting all mushy like I've done before, I'll just say the thing that sums it up. My Dad is the best man I've ever known. I feel bad for people who don't feel this same way about their own fathers. That's always how it should be. For me, I'm glad that it was. Happy birthday, Dad.

Video Game Review: Lego Indiana Jones

2009-03-11T20:32:00.000-07:00

The Indiana Jones trilogy's or quadrilogy's (does anyone really want to count Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?) success is largely due to how much action-packed adventure is in them. One cannot be more adventurous than when they are running from a large boulder thats about to crush them or risking death from many different places to find the Holy Grail. Everything in the movies just screams to be put into a video game. At least, that's what Traveller's Tales was thinking when they made it. Lego Indiana Jones is a fun action game that merges the best things from the Indiana Jones films with the world of Legos.
This is the second game made in the Lego series of games, (the first being Lego Star Wars) and like its predecessor, there is a lot of action in the game with a twist of humor. The humor is one of the highlights of the game as it often pokes fun at characters and is funny to both kids and adults. One instance is that when Indiana sees snakes, he shudders and covers his face. Its funny and also quite adorable. The music is also very good as they were able to obtain the musical score of the films. Can you do better than music from John Williams?
The controls are simple and easy to use and the gameplay is tight. However, the camera can sometimes be a little touchy but this is only a minor problem.
There are loads of different characters you can choose to be, but unlike Lego Star Wars or Lego Batman, there isn't that many characters you would WANT to be. Indiana Jones is the coolest character in his universe. Why would you want to be anyone else?
The other downfall of the game might not be a downfall at all to some. In the end, though it might appeal to all age groups, the game is made for kids. Because of this, the game is often very simple and easy and can sometimes get boring to people who need more of a challenge from their video games. But all in all, Lego Indiana Jones proves to be a fun game that captures the spirit of the Indiana Jones films. And look how cute they are!

Hands down: 8/10

Video Game Review: Castle Crashers

2009-03-07T21:44:00.000-08:00

This is another video game review I wrote a while back.

Remember the good ol' days when you would travel over to a friends house with controller in hand, and settle down to a couple of hours of hack n' slash via Gauntlet? Castle Crashers revives this old action game genre and breathes (much needed) new life into it.
Developed by The Bohemoth, and published on Xbox Live Arcade and WiiWare, Castle Crashers is light on story but heavy on action and gameplay. The story starts as an evil wizard steals a large diamond (whose importance is unknown even at the end of the game) from the King, and your job is to get it back (as well as saving and making out with 4 princesses who were kidnapped). The four characters that are immediately available is 4 differently colored knights, but the more you play, the more characters you can unlock and Castle Crashers has a whole slew of playable characters. The game has a light-hearted attitude and humor about it that are sure to keep you smiling throughout the game. The actions are fluid and the gameplay is quick.
However, I found that the taking potions (to replenish my health) was touchy sometimes, and I would sometimes die even though I knew I had hit the button to get full life again. The player can level up four different abilities: strength (which increases your attack), magic, defense (which increases your health) and agility (which increases your speed as well as the speed of your ranged attacks). However, the magic ability is the real hero here, and leveling it up early will insure your quick progression through the game. Another nice thing is the vast arsenal of weapons that you can collect throughout the game. As of this writing, I had collected around 40 different weapons, with still more that I had to find. Also, the player can collect different animals that have their own unique abilities. Some will amplify your attack abilities, some will help you find weapons, and others will attack enemies themselves. Each animal is unique and there are around 20 different animals.
The art style is unique and playful and only serves to add to the humor of the game. The music as well is very good and puts the player right into the action. The story is the only main downer here, offering only a new look and a cliched take on the fantasy genre. But at the same time, it is more than enough to expect from an Xbox Live Arcade title. If you want tight and fluid gameplay, with unique characters and light-hearted humor and attitude, Castle Crashers is the game for you. Download it, invite three friends over, and get down to some nice, reminiscent hack n' slash.

Hands Down: 8.75/10

Video Game Review: Braid

2009-03-05T10:37:00.001-08:00

This was a video game review I wrote for fun awhile back. I just thought I'd post it here for memory's sake.

Is there anything that this game doesn't do right? With an amazing art style, a great score, mind-bending puzzles, and an ending that I think that I will be contemplating for the rest of my life, Braid breaks the boundaries of what is expected in an Xbox Live Arcade game.
Braid tells the story of Tim who is looking for the Princess and traverses 6 different worlds to find her. It follows the traditional Super Mario Bros.; at the end of each world the player will arrive at a castle, raise the flag, and be told that the Princess is in another castle. But the puzzles here are the real highlight. Tim has the unique ability of being able to rewind or stop time. I know, I know, you're already thinking that they stole this idea from the Prince of Persia series. But where Prince of Persia used this ability to amplify the action, Braid uses it to amplify the puzzles. Each world changes with the technique that you must solve the puzzles. One world stops moving when your player does. Another world gives you a bubble ability, where you stand in the bubble and are able to rewind time and stay stationary while everything else reverts back to how it was. I had to think for so long about some of these puzzles and some of them require that. Other puzzles require perfect execution and still others require pure dumb luck. Even with the ability to rewind and stop time, you will still be sweating as you try to perfectly execute what needs to be done to solve the puzzle.
The theme of the game deals with the past and with memory, and how revisiting those memories can help us truly understand them. This theme works beautifully with the puzzles and action of the game. And yes, Braid does re-ignite the "video games as an art form" debate and I ask why not? With games like this one and Bioshock, where it is impossible to deny that they have something more to say than just delivering an amazing gaming experience, pretty soon it will be impossible to deny that video games are an art form that are capable of giving the same experiences one can have when viewing a film, painting, or hearing a piece of music. Braid is the best game I've played so far this year (2008), and even though the holiday season has a lot to offer, Braid is still sure to hold up well against all of them.

Hand-Down: 9.5/10

An Open Letter To Concert-Goers

2009-03-02T22:48:00.000-08:00

Dear fellow concert-goer,

I know you don't want to stand next to me. I assure you the feeling is mutual. I am sorry that I arrived before you and am now standing in front of you. I know my height does not make it easy for you to see. I could move and let you in front of me but...I'm not going to.
You see, I love this band. I love this band enough to come here and stand next to you, soaked in the sweat of the people around me, smelling smells I couldn't possibly have imagined nor did I ever want to. I know that the next few hours will not be easy for me, but neither are most things worth doing. I remain here in the hope that when I depart, all of the bad things that this experience cost me, namely standing next to you and smelling smells, will likewise depart from my mind and will not diminish the good memory that I will be able to take with me for the rest of my life.
And to answer your question, No, I will not help you find your contacts. The ground under our feet is sticky and I don't recall them ever serving beverages here. My ears are ringing from the noise and they will continue for sometime to ring when I leave. See, I wasn't ignoring you, I just couldn't hear you. But when I did finally hear you, I really did wish I had ignored you.
So, before you start to blow a mixture of marijuana and cigarette smoke into my face, making my clothes and body reek of it so much that I must shower when I get home despite the fact that I will not get home till 1 in the morning and have to wake up 6 hours later, just know that we are not friends and we are not alike. I come from a respectable upbringing, built on morals and education. You seem to have crawled out from beneath a dark and desolate rock, threw on something that resembled clothes and came to the concert. When we leave here, you will go one way, and I will be absolutely sure to go the other. I await those pure sweet moments.

Sincerely,

The Poor Guy That Had To Stand Next To You

100 Movies

2009-03-01T13:30:00.000-08:00

10th Anniversary 2007 List ↓ Director ↓ Date ↓
I thought my last post was so fun that I'd do another one. This is the 2007 list of the American Film Institutes 100 Greatest Movies of All-Time. Inside Stories won the last round so let's see who wins this one. I've put the year next to the film because some of them have been remade. Without further ado:

1. Citizen Kane-1941 1
2. The Godfather-1972 2
3. Casablanca-1942 3
4. Raging Bull-1980 4
5. Singin' in the Rain-1952 5
6. Gone with the Wind-1939 6
7. Lawrence of Arabia-1962
8. Schindler's List-1993 7
9. Vertigo-1958 8
10. The Wizard of Oz-1939 9
11. City Lights-1931
12. The Searchers-1956 10
13. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope-1977 11
14. Psycho-1960 12
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey-1968 13
16. Sunset Boulevard-1950 14
17. The Graduate-1967 15
18. The General-1927
19. On the Waterfront-1954 16
20. It's a Wonderful Life-1946 17
21. Chinatown-1974 18
22. Some Like It Hot-1959 19
23. The Grapes of Wrath-1940
24. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial-1982 20
25. To Kill a Mockingbird-1962 21
26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington-1939 22
27. High Noon-1952 23
28. All About Eve-1950
29. Double Indemnity-1944 24
30. Apocalypse Now-1979
31. The Maltese Falcon-1941 25
32. The Godfather Part II-1974 26
33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest-1975 27
34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs-1937 28
35. Annie Hall-1977 29
36. The Bridge on the River Kwai-1957 30
37. The Best Years of Our Lives-1946
38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre-1948 31
39. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb-1964 32
40. The Sound of Music-1965 33
41. King Kong-1933
42. Bonnie and Clyde-1967
43. Midnight Cowboy-1969
44. The Philadelphia Story-1940
45. Shane-1953 34
46. It Happened One Night-1934
47. A Streetcar Named Desire-1951 35
48. Rear Window-1954 36
49. Intolerance-1916
50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring-2001 37
51. West Side Story-1961 38
52. Taxi Driver-1976 39
53. The Deer Hunter-1978 40
54. MASH-1970
55. North by Northwest-1959 41
56. Jaws-1975
57. Rocky-1976 42
58. The Gold Rush-1925
59. Nashville-1975
60. Duck Soup-1933
61. Sullivan's Travels-1941
62. American Graffiti-1973 43
63. Cabaret-1972
64. Network-1976 44
65. The African Queen-1951 45
66. Raiders of the Lost Ark-1981 46
67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?-1966
68. Unforgiven-1992 47
69. Tootsie-1982 48
70. A Clockwork Orange-1971 49
71. Saving Private Ryan-1998 50
72. The Shawshank Redemption-1994 51
73. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid-1969
74. The Silence of the Lambs-1991 52
75. In the Heat of the Night-1967
76. Forrest Gump-1994 53
77. All the President's Men-1976
78. Modern Times-1936
79. The Wild Bunch-1969 54
80. The Apartment-1960 55
81. Spartacus-1960 56
82. Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans-1927
83. Titanic-1997 57
84. Easy Rider-1969 58
85. A Night at the Opera-1935
86. Platoon-1986
87. 12 Angry Men-1957 59
88. Bringing Up Baby-1938
89. The Sixth Sense-1999 60
90. Swing Time-1936
91. Sophie's Choice-1982
92. Goodfellas-1990 61
93. The French Connection-1971 62
94. Pulp Fiction-1994 63
95. The Last Picture Show-1971
96. Do the Right Thing-1989
97. Blade Runner-1982 64
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy-1942
99. Toy Story-1995 65
100. Ben-Hur-1959

I got 65. If no one beats me, don't feel bad. Apparently, I have no life cuz I'm watching movies all the time. :)

100 Books

2009-02-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

I totally stole this from Delirious but it just looked too fun not to do. Instead X's, I'm putting numbers so I can add it up when I get to the end.

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?
Instructions:

1) Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
2) Tally your total at the bottom

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien 1
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (I read prob 100 pages)
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling 2
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee 3
6 The Bible 4
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell 5
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens 6
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (I haven't read everything but I've probably read at least 20 of his plays and lots of his poetry so I'm putting it down) 7
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien 8
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faul
18 Catcher in the Rye -J.D. Salinger 9
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (I read prob 100 pages)
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams 10
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck 11
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll 12
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell 13
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding 14
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel (read about 20 pages)
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens (read about 100 pages)
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley 15
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon 16
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck 17
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac 18
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker 19
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens 20
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White (pretty sure I read this) 21
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom 22
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (read about 100 pages)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare 23
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl 24
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I only got 24. I thought I would do better and I probably would have if I had finished most of the books I started. You do it too and see how you matchup!

Things I Used To Hate But Now Like

2009-02-22T22:19:00.000-08:00

For some reason I thought it'd be fun to compile a list of things I used to hate but now like. Enough said, here goes:

1. Movies with talking
2. Movies with kissing (I think it always made me uncomfortable to watch this with my Mom or sisters)
3. Crunchy Peanut Butter (my mother has written proof that I didn't like this at one time)
4. Soccer (Chelsea plays Juventus on Wed and I'm so excited)
5. Politics (although part of me still hates it)
6. Movies with subtitles
7. Woody Allen (the man is quite hilarious)
8. School (its quite surprising how much you miss it once you realize every day is the same in the 8-5 grind)
9. The Police (listening to the radio at work all-day everyday makes you realize that their songs were much better than a lot of other crap)
10. Dill pickles (they taste so good on the side of sandwich)
11. Being somewhat healthy (emphasis on "somewhat")
12. Going to bed somewhat early (again, emphasis on "somewhat")
13. Albuquerque (the weather is almost unbeatable-almost)
14. Making fun of strangers (I used to get annoyed that my wife did this but now its our favorite game)
15. Lost In Translation (hated it the first time I saw it-didn't get it- but every time I watch it, it just keeps getting better)
16. Halo (I used to refuse to play it and although I only kind of like the game, I have come a long way from before)
17. Having everyone worry about what I'm going to do with my life (just kidding-I actually still really hate this)
18. Myself (I never had a really strong hate for myself but I never really like myself either-now I find that its a lot more exciting to be me because I have no idea whats around the corner-maybe everything and maybe nothing-or maybe a little bit of something)
19. Talking (Still don't like to do it much but I've come a long way)
20. Having my wife kick me in the pants to get me in gear (actually, I've always liked this)

I could go on but I'm not going to. Hoped this brightened your day a little.

A Shooting Star That Faded Too Fast

2009-02-19T22:01:00.000-08:00

Whenever I'm in a conversation about the greatest vocalists of all-time, I hear the usual: Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Bono, Elvis Presley, and loads of others I won't go on naming. All of those singers deserve their place among the greatest. But it makes me sad that usually, I never hear Jeff Buckley's name mentioned. This is probably because he never really had a chance to earn his place, though anyone who knows of him puts him up there.
Jeff Buckley was an amazing singer/guitar player/songwriter that came out in the 90's and had an incredible vocal range of four octaves. His guitar playing was very good, influenced by jazz, progressive rock and folk music. Being a guitar player myself, I can honestly say that some of the chords he used are the most interesting and different sounding chords I've seen in any song I've ever played. His music was always beautiful but also haunted, with his impressive vocals often wailing over minor chords to make you feel the emotion and sadness that he was emanating from the stage such as the vocals on songs like "So Real" or "Lilac Wine".
.
He recorded only one album, titled "Grace". Grace consisted of 10 songs, 7 of which were originals and 3 of which were covers-one of the covers being Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" which featured Buckley with only a guitar and his voice. Though the album sold poorly upon release, it received much critical acclaim and has been put on many lists of the greatest albums of all-time (including mine).
So, you are probably thinking, why haven't I ever heard of him? Sadly, at the age of 31, he drown in the Wolf River near Memphis, Tennessee. No drugs or foul play were involved. A friend who was there at the time, but was ashore even said that he was in good spirits before he drown.
In these situations, we often contemplate the question, "Why did he die?" But there is never an answer, at least never an answer that is befitting. In my opinion, no answer that someone could give is befitting of a talented and promising individual's life being cut short. So, instead, we can do them justice by remembering them. That is the highest honor we can show the dead.
I have posted links of his best songs. The first is the link to his solo performance of "Hallelujah". For whatever reason, I can't set up a direct link so just copy it to your address bar. The last two are "Lover, You Should Have Come Over" and "Lilac Wine". Except for "Hallelujah", none of the videos are actual videos and I have just posted them so you can listen to the song. Listen to the earnestness of his voice-thats what I love about it the most, that he sang with so much emotion. It is as if we start to become not just an audience but an active participant in the music, as if we begin to feel deeply what he is singing about to the point that we ARE what he is singing about. I'll stop here. The more I talk about the things I love the less I or anyone else who does the same makes any sense. Anyway, enjoy the songs because all of the songs will change your life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AratTMGrHaQ

Why People Love Sports OR Miracles Do Exist But They're Elusive

2009-02-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

Something strange happens to a person when they are watching sports. One starts to feel that if, oh....if we could...just....score...that everything will be better. Things will taste better, you will suddenly look skinnier in the mirror, 2+2 will equal 5 and if you have a dollar and your friend has a dollar, you will somehow have more money than him. I know it sounds crazy but that is sometimes how I, and millions and millions of other people, feel.
It seems that these feelings are always amplified in times of hardship. During the Depression, people rooted on Seabiscuit, not only because he was a great racehorse, but because his small stature compared to the other thoroughbreds seemed to symbolize America's struggle at the time, a great horse who remained great even after all of his troubles. It is a curious thing that America always loves the underdog. Are we the only country that feels this way? I've thought about it for a long time and I think the reason for it is that we have a large capacity to believe in miracles. We know they've happened before. We've chronicled them and discussed them and when ever someone is in need of a miracle, though it is unlikely, we still feel that it CAN happen.
This elation of feelings was something I went through as I watched the Arizona Cardinals play the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl. The Pittsburgh Steelers, one of the most storied franchises in football, tied with the Cowboys and 49ers for the most Super Bowl wins, with the #1 defense in the league and the hot-shot quarterback Ben Roethelsberger who always bravely sacrifices himself to make a play going against the lowly Arizona Cardinals, one of the worst franchises in the NFL, who had never won an NFC Championship much less a Super Bowl, helmed by an old and battered Kurt Warner who, before this season started, had to fight to keep his quarterback position from the young, inexperienced, and frankly not-that-good Matt Leinart. Everyone thought that the Steelers would win but they also thought that maybe...just maybe...the Cardinals could get it done. And what a story that would be! It had to happen. It just had to. God would grant us this small mercy in these times of trouble.
When Arizona took the lead in the 4th quarter, to go up 23-20 with 2:30 left on the clock, they had the momentum and we knew their defense, who had played so well the entire game, could put it away. Couldn't they? Emotions were high and I began to feel that if they could pull it off, then everything would be right with my life. Miracles do exist and it would be proof.
But how deflating and draining it was when, with :35 seconds left, the Steelers scored the game-winning touchdown even though the Cardinals had three guys covering him. It was an amazing play. Even I have to admit that. But the play took everything out of me and everyone else in the room. No one talked. We had believed but our dreams had been dashed by one throw and catch.
How much did the game mean? Probably nothing. I'm not even a Cardinals fan. But, at the time, the game became so much more. Miracles do exist but that night they were elusive. My heart goes out to the Cardinals who played so well when no one gave them a chance and who sadly, will probably not be back to the Super Bowl for a very long time. But the saddest thing of all was to miss seeing something that we knew was in our grasp. We could have held it up in front of everyone's face and said, "That night, no one was better than us. And you can't take that away from us." And though its sad that we cannot say that, we can take comfort that though we were not the best, we hung in there with the best all the way till the end. Never quitting or letting up. Perhaps theres a miracle in that. It'll have to do.

Where Does My Accomplishment End And His Begin?

2009-01-27T16:49:00.000-08:00

For whatever the reason, I've been thinking about the nature of God a lot recently but more particularly about the things that we do in our lifetimes. Do we ever accomplish anything by ourselves in our lifetimes or has everything been designed for us to accomplish, by God?
I started on this train of thought as my wife and I have been watching the TV miniseries "John Adams". It is really good and it makes you be amazed at how brilliant many of those men were. However, many people believe the design of our nation to be divinely inspired which would make one question how much those men actually accomplished themselves. When Thomas Jefferson sat down to write the Declaration of Independence, did God put certain thoughts into his head to put on to the paper or were they merely his own thoughts? What about when they wrote the Constitution? Is it too much to say that those already brilliant men felt compelled to start this nation completely without any prompting from God?
I understand that all human beings have choice, but if God designs them in a way where they will choose a certain course of action when the choice presents itself, did they really take that course of action themselves? When I think about this subject, I'm often reminded of one of my favorite movies, The Truman Show. I'm particularly thinking of the end, when Truman is talking to his "Creator" and their conversation takes on a very religious and philosophical context. After learning that everything in his life was a fabrication, Truman, frustrated, asks, "Was nothing real?"
Maybe I'm too proud. I've always kind of been that way, too quick to take credit for certain actions or certain enlightening thoughts. Part of me sometimes just wants to yell out, "I did that! By myself!" completely cutting God out of the accomplishment because his inclusion makes it seem like I didn't do anything at all because I had His help.
Let me try to explain. Say that on Friday, I am going to be given the choice between going to Chili's or Olive Garden for dinner. If I choose Chili's, will I be going there because I actually chose it or because God created me in a way that he KNEW that I would pick Chili's? I guess in a way its a debate between "choice" and "fate" and I'm having a hard time seeing how the two can actually work together like many people believe them to do.
Perhaps it doesn't matter. I suppose even if God did create me so I would say "Yes" or "No" to a certain situation, it is still my choice. In the Truman Show, when Truman asks "Was nothing real?", his "Creator" answers, "YOU were real." And though vain it might be to say it, even if God could potentially take credit for anything we do, since he's not here to dispute it, we'll be fine taking the credit ourselves. :)

Top 40 Albums of All-Time for 2009

2009-01-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

Every year, I make a list of the 40 albums I think are the best. Surprisingly, the list changes quite a bit. I like to do the list because I like to see how things change each time. This is my list for 2009.
Next to each entry is a number. If it is a subtraction and a number, that is how many spots the entry has moved down the list. If it is a plus sign and a number, that is how many numbers the entry has moved up the list. If there is no number, the entry has stayed in the same place. If there is a N/A sign, the entry was not on the list last year. The name of the album is first followed by the name of the band. So without further ado...

40. Mirrored-Battles N/A
39. In Utero-Nirvana -1
38. Foo Fighters-Foo Fighters -3
37. The Fragile-Nine Inch Nails -5
36. Sound Of Silver-LCD Soundsystem N/A
35. The Oktober People -12
34. Get Behind Me Satan-The White Stripes -1
33. Mule Variations-Tom Waits N/A
32. Good News For People Who Love Bad News-Modest Mouse -6
31. Transatlanticism-Death Cab For Cutie -3
30. Californication-Red Hot Chili Peppers N/A
29. Abbey Road-The Beatles
28. Chutes Too Narrow-The Shins +8
27. 40 Oz. To Freedom-Sublime -6
26. Siamese Dream-Smashing Pumpkins N/A
25. Sea Change-Beck
24. OK Computer-Radiohead -2
23. Demon Days-Gorillaz N/A
22. Want One-Rufus Wainwright -6
21. White Pony-Deftones -4
20. Takk-Sigur ros -2
19. Grace-Jeff Buckley -5
18. Room On Fire-The Strokes -3
17. Plans-Death Cab For Cutie N/A
16. Aha Shake Heartbreak-Kings of Leon -7
15. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-Wilco N/A
14. The Information-Beck +6
13. Silent Alarm-Bloc Party -2
12. Absolution-Muse -8
11. Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots-The Flaming Lips -1
10. Fever To Tell-The Yeah Yeah Yeahs +2
09. Funeral-Arcade Fire -1
08. Z-My Morning Jacket +5
07. ( )-Sigur ros -2
06. Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness-Smashing Pumpkins +1
05. The Soft Bulletin-The Flaming Lips -2
04. Return To Cookie Mountain-TV on the Radio +2
03. In Rainbows-Radiohead +36
02. Blood Sugar Sex Magick-Red Hot Chili Peppers -1
01. Kid A-Radiohead +1

There it is. Hope you enjoyed. See you next year.

Top Ten Albums of 2008

2009-01-11T16:35:00.000-08:00

Every year, I do a list of what I think to be the best albums of the previous year. These are the best albums I heard. The album title is first, followed by the name of the band. Let me know if you agree or disagree.

10. Only By The Night-Kings of Leon
09. The Slip-Nine Inch Nails
08. The Odd Couple-Gnarls Barkley
07. Evil Urges-My Morning Jacket
06. Narrow Stairs-Death Cab for Cutie
05. Modern Guilt-Beck
04. Med Sud I Eyrum Vid Spilum Endalaust-Sigur ros
03. Made in the Dark-Hot Chip
02. Vampire Weekend-Vampire Weekend
01. Dear Science-TV on the Radio

Happy Birthday, Nene!

2009-01-02T16:19:00.000-08:00

Today is my Mother's birthday. Of all the memories I have of her, these are my favorites.

When I was a kid, my favorite game was the Legend of Zelda. Now that I'm 23, that series of games are still my favorite. My mother also really liked that game and she would always make time to play it. I would often beg her to play it, offering to do chores and help her out so she would come play it with me. I would often tell her that I needed help but I really just wanted to spend some time with her in a way that none of my other siblings could.

Growing up, I always thought I was her favorite child. The funny thing is that if you asked any of my other siblings, they would all say the same thing. That is why she is such a good mother. She makes us all feel special.

I was such a momma's boy when I was little. If my siblings were picking on me, I would hide in her robe while she was wearing it! She would often be doing the dishes in her robe and I would go and lift up her robe and get under there and just cling to her legs. My siblings always tell me it was so weird to see 2 different pairs of legs coming out of the bottom of her robe. I felt so safe under there and my mom always knew that if I did that then I just wanted to be left alone. My siblings would try to goad me out but my mother would tell them to knock it off and they would.

When I was in football, she always stood up for me even when I didn't know it. I would come home and complain about something and my mother would agree with me that whatever was happening was wrong and they should stop doing it. The next day at practice, my coach would have us take a knee at the end of practice and talk about whatever it was that was wrong. This happened at least three times. I always thought it was weird that they would explain whatever the problem was the next day after I complained about it. I always assumed it was someone else's parents that were complaining to the coach. The last time I especially thought was weird because after the coach got done explaining what was wrong, he singled me out amongst the other 30+players on my team. He called out and said, "Okay, guys? Okay, Allen?" I said okay but it never occurred to me that he was probably doing it because he was tired of my Mom calling him to complain.

When I turned 19, we often had arguments about whether I should go on a mission or not. One time was especially heated with both my parents and I was getting frustrated. I don't really remember what was said but I remember when my mother calmly looked at me and asked, "Why don't you want to go?" I think I said something to the effect of that I just didn't want to or that I didn't feel like I had a strong enough testimony. My mother studied me for a minute and then embraced me. I knew from then on that she wouldn't talk to me about it anymore. I knew I had let her down. I still know I had let her down. But her hug was not one of anger, but one of understanding. I knew that even though I let her down, and even though she didn't agree with my reasons for not wanting to go, she understood.

My mother has taught me everything I need to know to be a good man. When she moved to Ireland, I drove her and my Dad to the airport. I was fine until I started going home and I cried the whole way home and then a little at home. I was really sad. I knew that I would be fine and that I could take care of myself but I really just wanted both my Mom and Dad to be here so I could talk to them about stuff going on in my life. And though they aren't here anymore, I'm glad they are together experiencing something new in their lives. I love my mother and I want to thank her for everything she has done for me. I will always be grateful.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

The Restaurant

2008-12-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, on Christmas Eve, I went to a restaurant with my parents and my brother. The wait was really long (about an hour) and it was really cold in the waiting area. So cold, in fact, that only my brother and I, and a gentleman and his son were waiting. Everyone else decided that it was better to be warm and standing, then cold and sitting. I was intrigued by the relationships that occur between strangers in those types of situations and because, at that time, I was writing stories all the time, I wrote a story about it that night. It's still one my favorite stories that I've written and I try to read it every Christmas Eve. So, today, I'm going to share it with you. It's fairly short but if you don't read it I won't be offended. Otherwise, have a merry Christmas.

The Restaurant

The two men huddled inside the humid room. People lined the walls as if they were waiting to buy Beatles concert tickets. Some were playing with their fingers and pretending that they were two great warriors about to do battle at the ends of their knees. Others blankly stared into nothing as their brains did hula-hoops in their heads. Still, others tried to strike up conversations that sadly ended after they asked the universal question: “how are you?” and received the universal answer: “fine”.
The two men idly strolled towards the host and met glances of pity, menace and even scorn. Slowly, they asked the forbidden question: “How long is the wait?” Lights flickered. Motion around the room slowed. The two men’s eyes locked onto the host’s lips and in a deep, demonic voice they heard the terrible answer, “Two hours”. Gasps of air shook the room. A pregnant woman fainted. Then, after gaining his composure, Carlos put his name on the list. The host pointed and laughed at the two men in his demonic voice.
Carlos looked for a place to sit down but there were no seats left. Mark found a nice standing spot and Carlos joined him. And what a standing spot! It was a nice smooth wall that you could lean against. It didn’t have anything that poked you in the back and the wall was sturdy so it didn’t feel like it would cave in if you so much as touched it. Carlos and Mark smiled as they realized their great treasure find.
“Don’t touch me!” an ancient old man cried out. “I didn’t buy this house for you to pee in!” The old man then went into a beautiful chorus of Silent Night.
“Don’t worry about him,” a middle-aged woman explained, “That’s Jude. He’s been here the longest they say. I hear he has been here upwards of an hour and 15 minutes. He’s probably just getting delirious. Restaurant Delirium is what they call it in these parts. Either that, or he is just really bored.”
Mark looked around. The people who had already been admitted into the restaurant were eating slowly. Very slowly. Mark finally met eyes with one of them and they smiled as they took the slowest bite of lasagna the world has ever known.
“Those bastards are eating slow on purpose!” Mark announced. The people in the lobby said nothing. “I guess you already knew that…” Mark trailed off. The people actually managed to look more sullen than they already were.
“Okay, gather round young’uns and let your ol’ pappy Jude tell ye a story…” the old man started off. “Once there was a man. And he was a good man! This man liked food. Oh, how he liked that food! Well, one day, the man decides to come to this here restaurant. And you know what happened? He got in. He didn’t have to wait a single minute!” Claps and whistles rung throughout the little lobby as the multitude of people cheered for their hero who defeated the evil system of having to wait to be seated in the restaurant.
“Will I ever live in a world like that pappy Jude?” a small boy asked.
“You sure will, son. You sure will.” Jude replied though it hurt him to lie to the boy. The people in the lobby smiled at the thought of such a world.
An intercom intervened on their thoughts as it announced: “Jude. Party of One. Your table is ready.” Cheers rose up among the ranks as they clapped for their oldest remaining member. Jude danced his way to the host and when he reached him, he turned back and yelled, “Keep the faith my friends, and someday you will join me in there and we will dine as Kings!” He raised his fist and parted from the sight of the group.
While the party reflected on the memories of their departed friend, two people came out of the dining area, obviously stuffed full.
“Oh geez, I couldn’t eat another bite if I tried to,” the man said. “I am just so FULL!” It then became obvious to the group that he was purposely saying this to make the people in the lobby envious and angry.
“Hey, screw you buddy!” an upset, middle-aged man yelled but his wife held him back whispering, “Don’t fight him. He is full of energy and you, in your weakened and starving condition might pass out before you got a good punch in…” The middle-aged man stepped back and hung his head while the other man laughed and fled into the darkness.
A silence fell over the group and there it stayed until finally Carlos and Mark were the only one’s left in the lobby. The last of the group bid them a fond farewell as they parted into the warm, welcoming restaurant. Though they were close friends, Carlos and Mark hardly talked while they waited alone. Sullen grew their day, and dark grew their night. Then, like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, they were called to take their place among the restaurant folk. Jumps of joy and laughter possessed their bodies and they hurriedly followed the host.
They were showed to their table and they picked up their menus and were surprised to see a yellow adhesive note covering the dishes. The note read, “Because of lack of resources, this restaurant is now only serving black licorice. Thank you for your cooperation.”
“When the hell did I say I was going to cooperate?” Carlos asked himself.
The waiter brought them two plates strewn with three long strands of black licorice each. Carlos and Mark sat in silence, not knowing exactly what they should do. Why did they wait two hours for black licorice? They looked at it. It was uninteresting, looking no different than one would expect a piece of black licorice to look. Carlos picked up a piece and took a small bite.
“Hmm…” he started, “It tastes like…” and he never finished the thought.
Mark picked up his and began to eat as well. They finished quickly and paid the absolutely absurd bill to ask for when they were only served six strands of black licorice. Mark and Carlos departed into the cool of the night, each one replaying the events of the night back to themselves in their heads.
On the way to their car, they saw their waiter hanging out at the back of the restaurant. He saw them and called out, “How was it?”
Carlos and Mark looked at each other and tried to think of how to answer the question.

10 Questions for the Dalai Lama

2008-12-17T21:27:00.000-08:00

My wife and I recently watched a documentary titled, "10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" and it was very moving. I've always found Buddhism a fascinating religion ever since I learned about it in my World History class when I was in high school. The Dalai Lama is also a fascinating man which makes the documentary we watched all the more fascinating.
Many of you probably know the story of the Dalai Lama's life. But for those who don't, here is a quick synopsis. Since Buddhists believe in reincarnation, they often look for signs that the next Dalai Lama has been born or reincarnated. They often give very small children tests to determine if they are the chosen one, so to speak. The previous Dalai Lama will always leave signs and point to areas where he will be reborn before he passes. It is among these circumstances that the current Dalai Lama was chosen, at the age of two. From the age of four, his head was shaved and he was intensely trained in becoming a Buddhist monk. At the age of fifteen, one month after China invaded his country, he was enthroned as the Dalai Lama. He was deceived by Mao Zedong, China's Communist ruler into thinking that Tibet would be allowed to keep its religious freedoms and cultural practices. He was pointedly told by Mao Zedong that, "Religion is poison." After this and after suspecting that China 's rulers were planning to kill him, he led a failed uprising. The Chinese army quickly dispelled it and left with nothing else to do, he fled to northern India, where he still resides today in a town called Dharmashala. In the wake of his exile, somewhere around 1,200,000 Tibetans were massacred by the Chinese army.
Watching the movie, I saw in him the same qualities I have seen in the greatest religious leader I have seen in my lifetime (Gordon B. Hinckley). The Dalai Lama is very smart. He enjoys learning about science and greatly enjoys the topics of astronomy and neurology. He believes there are sentient lifeforms on planets outside of our solar system. He often tinkers with things, taking apart and studying the inner workings of watches and cars. He is very humble. He is quick to say that he is no one special. He often gets bored when people praise him. And the quality that most reminds me of Gordon B. Hinckley, is that he loves to laugh. He is often making jokes about himself or the idiosyncracies that he observes in other people. He refuses to fly first class on airplanes saying that if people still wanted to see him , it wouldn't make any difference which part of the aircraft he sat in. When he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989, which comes with a $1 million prize, he gave all the money away to charity.
The movie can easily make you angry at China (if you already aren't mad at them). The Dalai Lama, knowing that he is near the end of his life, in 1995, selected the next Panchen Lama. The Panchen Lama is one of the key people who select the reincarnated Dalai Lama. A few days after the Dalai Lama selected this new Panchen Lama, the boy and his family disappeared. To this day, they have never been seen again in public. This boy is regarded as the "youngest political prisoner in the world". A few days after this boy's disappearance, the People's Republic of China announced their own Panchen Lama, who would select the new Dalai Lama. It seems as though China is adamant in squashing out the culture of the Tibetan people.
Though through all of this, the Dalai Lama remains calm. He wishes no ill-will toward China and even verbally chastises anybody who uses violence to promote the cause of Tibet. He says in the film that the only hope for his people and his culture to survive is for China to become democratic. I, too, hope that this will soon happen.
Many prophets have stated that Siddhartha Guatama or Buddha, Confucius, and even the prophet Mohammed were all inspired men who were directed by God to teach their people. I enjoy learning about this man and his people and echo the prophets of the Mormon church in saying that all religions offer insight into our own religion. This is not to say that we should forsake our own religion, nor to practice anything from another. But studying and understanding another's beliefs instills in us the viewpoint that all religion at one time came from the same source and that God uses different methods to reach different people and that anything that is done to make a person choose to live a better life and to better the world around him is good. The Dalai Lama is an inspirational man and the fact that he is not of your religion should not be reason to think differently.
I hope China one day sees what they have done. I hope one day the Dalai Lama can return to his homeland in his lifetime. It would be a very terrible thing if we were all witnesses to a cultural genocide but were powerless to stop it.

Happy Birthday, Insight!

2008-12-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

I, like my mother, totally spaced that it was my sister's birthday yesterday. I had a really busy day with work and my desire to finish all of my Christmas shopping. Anyway, I had meant to write a blog about her so here it is:

Growing up, Insight was a...how should we say it? An ingenious con-artist. She often had me run get her things upstairs for her with the promise of a quarter, or sometimes a surprise. The surprises were never really that interesting. I always did it just to be nice. When I was really young, she would often come to my brother and I with a proposition: If we helped her clean her room, then she would play Stage with us. Stage was a game we liked to play with her radio because a microphone could plug into it and you could sing songs. In our house, the entryway was elevated over the living room so with a stretch of the imagination, you felt like you were on stage. I never liked actually singing but I REALLY liked listening to all the songs and dancing around. I also liked just doing something with my brother and sister because it was rare that they wanted to do something with me.

Since Insight was 7 years older than me, and 3 years older than my brother, she was often put in charge of us while our parents were gone. She ruled the house with an iron fist...or should I say wooden spoon? You have no idea how many times she chased me around the house with a wooden spoon. I probably deserved it. I think I developed my problem with authority during those times. One time, I got tired of running and let her hit me with the spoon and then I hit her back. When my parents came home, she told them I had hit her. I yelled at them, "But she hit me with a wooden spoon!" My mother said, "But you don't hit girls!" I asked why. She said, "You just don't." And to this day, I never have again.

Insight and I often made fun of my brother when he wasn't around. I didn't like him because he picked on me, and Insight didn't like him for some other reason. Sometimes we would go together to mess with him, like opening the bathroom door while he was using it and leaving it open for anyone to see him on the toilet if they walked by.

Insight made me watch so many movies and TV shows when I was a kid that I would otherwise not have watched. I am so glad she did because I was so "ahead of the game" when I grew up and people had asked if I had seen any of those things. Labrynth, Adventures in Babysitting, and a some others are just a few examples. My mind is foggy right now but I know all of them when I see them and whenever I do, I tell whoever I'm with, "Yeah, I used to watch that with my sister all the time." And Labrynth is still a favorite of mine.

Insight has the best laugh. It cracks me up. Whenever she laughs, I laugh. She and I used to watch the Simpsons together, and that was my favorite show. She, to this day, still tells me that she loved doing that because she loved to hear me laugh which is ironic because I loved doing it because I loved to hear her laugh.

When I was in middle school, I used to dress like a gangster. I don't know why I did. Most of the other kids dressed like that and because I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be, I dressed like that too. One day, when I came home from school, I told my Mom that I wanted to go shopping because I really wanted these new pair of baggy pants. My mother didn't want to and we began to argue. My sister came in and overheard the conversation and asked me, "Why do you want to dress like that? Why don't you just wear whatever you want to wear?" She said it in a non-confrontational way, softly, with true sincere. I don't know why, but something changed in me from that moment on. When she said that, I knew that I was a poser and was being someone I didn't want to be. From then on, I dressed how I wanted and didn't give a crap what anyone thought. That's why, even in college, I would wear shirts that I had worn in the 8th grade and sometimes dress like a homeless man, except not on purpose (sorry Stace-Ghost). I also had one of the best years of my life (8th grade) because I just didn't care about the little things anymore. I also met my two best friends who are still, to this day, some of the closest friends I have. I would not have met them had I not had that realization because I would have still been trying to act cool when I was really unhappy. Looking back, its amazing how such a sincere, sisterly, and caring moment changed my life so much. I love you Insight, and I hope for only the best things to happen to you in your life. Happy Birthday.

Crank It

2008-12-03T17:22:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty stressed out lately for a number of reasons. None of them have to do with Christmas. And frankly, I don't really want to go into it. Not because its a secret but because I'm tired of complaining through my blog. So I'll leave it at that.
But ever since I was about 15 and started playing guitar, I've always found that the best thing to do when you're stressed out is to plug in your guitar, crank up the volume, and play like there's no tomorrow. There is something exorcising about it-like you play your anger and stress out over the guitar and through the amplifier, and somewhere through all that fuzz and distortion you start to feel better. Some people go to the gym to relieve stress. I go to my drummer's house and jam.
That is the reason music makes such a good companion.
I don't play as much as I used to. I don't know why. I think I'm just going through a phase of being uninterested in it. I think its because of everything that happened with my band Bullet for Babs, my other band Shambala, and after finishing my last album-it all just left a bad taste in my mouth. Things happened that really pissed me off (and they still do) so I think I just don't feel like playing much. But anyway, my point is, that even though I feel like that now, there are still days when I'm at work and I just know and just feel that when I get home I need to pick up the guitar and play for a little while. Its always there. Sometimes I don't feel like playing any of the songs I know so I will write a new one. Sometimes I'll learn a new one. And other times I'm perfectly fine with playing a song that I've already played a million times.
The gift of music is in its gift to heal. There are some songs that touch the soul and they were always meant to. I usually jam with my drummer every Monday but since this Monday, we celebrated my sister's b-day, I had to cancel. But we re-scheduled for this Saturday and I've been looking forward to it everyday. Its getting me through the week, just looking forward to it, and on Saturday when I crank up the volume, it'll get me through next week as well.

Happy B-Day, Stace-Ghost!

2008-11-24T22:34:00.000-08:00

Today is my wife's birthday. Here are some things I'd like to tell you about her.

1. Stace-Ghost absolutely loves to dance. She dances all the time. She once told me that she had been unhappy for a little while (a few weeks) and she really thought that it was because she hadn't danced enough. When we DJed the dances when we were in the singles branch together, she always put a song in our playlist where she could go dance.

2. Sometimes she thinks that I don't see her when she's dancing, but I always do. There's nothing that makes me happier than watching her dance.

3. Stace-Ghost gets really grossed out by things that are close together. I know this sounds weird but bear with me. Fish eggs or the inside of a flower, where you can see a lot of things...well, close together gross her out. Its weird. But cute.

4. Though Stace-Ghost is 26 years old now, she is still afraid of bugs and the dark. If she sees a bug, she will walk all the way across the house to get me to come kill the bug for her. One time, she even text me and told me that I needed to come quickly to get a bug.

5. I call Stace-Ghost my "little ball of heat" because everytime I lie by her, she always heats me up and I have to roll away because I get too hot. The funny thing is that she is almost always cold.

6. Stace-Ghost is hands down, the funniest person I've ever met. She only gets funnier with the more time we spend with each other because she usually says the things that I'm thinking but in much funnier ways. The first time I met her, I thought the same thing. We were at a party and we were sitting on the back porch, making fun of all the other people that were at the party. We weren't alone, but she still made everyone laugh.

7. I love the way she says "coat" or "boat". She always pronounces the "t" really well. Whenever she says one of these words, I repeat it to her to 1) tease her and 2) remind her of how cute I think it is.

8. Before we were married, much to my parents dismay, I often fell asleep at her house, only to wake up at any hour of the day to rush home to bed. One time, I didn't wake up till 7 in the morning (and it was the summer so I didn't have school), and I rushed home and actually pulled in to the drive-way of our home as my Dad was pulling out to go to work. I always told my parents that I didn't mean to fall asleep at Stace-Ghost's house. This was only partially true. I never meant to fall asleep there, but sometimes I knew that I probably would, but I still didn't do anything about it. Stace-Ghost often told me I could go home earlier but I never wanted to. I loved being with her and never wanted to leave.

9. Stace-Ghost has an absolutely beautiful singing voice. She can even sing what my friends and I call her "opera voice" which is where she acts like she is singing opera, but it sounds really good! I know that it probably wouldn't pass if she was to actually sing opera, but for us she sounds so good. My friends and I used to play songs and have her sing to them in her opera voice. Most of the time we could barely get through them because we were laughing so hard at our opera renditions of popular songs. But even non-opera voice, she still has a beautiful voice. One of the highlights of her summers when she managed the swimming pool was to serenade the patrons. She would get on the intercom with her friends and sing songs, sometimes the Star-Spangled Banner to the patrons. She thought it was so funny. On the last solo album I did (I've done three), I wrote a duet for us. Her voice sounded so good and the song ended up being my favorite on the cd. But if I wasn't telling you this, you would never know because she doesn't like people knowing that she has a good voice.

10. She has blessed my life more than anyone else in my life save for my parents. She has changed me in a million ways all for the better. Recently, I was talking to my friend and he told me that he was jealous of me because he had seen how much Stace-Ghost had changed me and that he wanted that for himself. He was right. I love you, Stace-Ghost with all my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I was better for you in so many ways. Happy birthday.

Why I Hate The Book Of Revelation (Yeah, I Said It)

2008-11-11T16:38:00.001-08:00

I have a confession to make. I hate the book of Revelation. My hatred for it has nothing to do with the fact that it is hard to understand.
I hate it because of what it does to us as a people. We read the various revelations with an extreme thirst. I think we as a people have always felt like something big is coming, something that will totally change everything, like another 9/11 event, and while I can't deny that it very well might happen, I hate that we all agree and are waiting for it to happen. This is why I hate the book of Revelation. It confirms to us that something IS going to happen, which makes us all greedily look for it to happen.
Ask yourself this, do you think you will be alive for the Second Coming? If you do, you're not alone. Almost everyone does. But you know who else thought they would be alive for the Second Coming? The pioneers. That was over 150 years ago. And while the point of this blog is not to make fun of the pioneers or to deny that the Second Coming will happen, it is to show us that we are all too greedy to look for doomsday.
I don't know why we all feel this way. Maybe we watch too many movies and we wish we were part of something, even if its bad, so we can say that we lived through it. But I think that if you start to believe something will happen, then it will. And while I am like you, and would like to see it happen as well, I'd rather see it all happen from heaven.
There is a lot of good left in this world. Its hard to see sometimes. Theres an old saying that "Babies are a message to the world that it should keep going." There's more babies now than there have ever been. We shouldn't be looking for the world to come to an end. We should hope for the future. We should hope for things to get better. I am often reminded of several times in the scriptures when the Lord withheld his hand from destroying his people because his faithful servants simply asked him to. Who knows? Maybe we can delay this coming destruction for thousands of years. Then again, maybe not. But it doesn't matter. The point is that we should keep hoping for the best and do everything in our power to keep the world moving on.

The wait is over...

2008-11-03T20:07:00.001-08:00

Here are the answers to the riddles...Inside Stories gets bonus points for getting 4 of the 6 right....

1. He was in a hot air balloon with three other people. They realized they were too heavy and were going to crash so they took off all their clothes to try to lose the weight. Even that wasn't enough, and they drew matches for who would jump out. He drew the shortened match and plummeted to his death. (I could see that Inside Stories was on the right track for this one even though she didn't have the answer).

2. He was an astronaut on a spacewalk when he realized that there was a tear in his suit.

3. He stabbed himself with an icicle.

4. When the man draws the paper, he declines to read the paper and instead has his captors read the paper that is still in the hat. The paper, obviously, says "Death" which makes them believe that he drew the paper that says, "Life".

5. A stick. (hehe)

6. Because seven ate (eight) nine.

Thanks to everyone for participating! Some of them are kinda silly but whatever can get you through the day helps.

Morbid Death Riddles (For Fun!)

2008-10-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

At my work, for entertainment, my co-workers have been giving each other riddles to figure out over the course of the day (or some days for the hard ones). I thought that I would share some with you and see if you can figure them out. In three days, I'll post the answers. The first four have to do with death, because they are more fun (its like we're detectives or something!). You have to figure out how they died (except the fourth one). The last three are more kiddish but still kinda fun. If you look hard enough, you can find the answers on the Internet but please don't spoil it for everyone else if you do decide to cheat. Good luck...

1. A man is lying dead in the desert with a match next to his hand. He is nude.

2. A man is working at his occupation when he realizes there is a tear in his shirt. 15 minutes later, he is dead.

3. A man is lying dead in a pool of blood and water. He has wounds but there is no weapon.

4. A man must draw a piece of paper out of a hat. There are two possibilites. One piece of paper says "Life" and one piece of paper says "Death". If he draws "Life", he will live. If he draws "Death", he will be shot. An enemy, seeing this opportunity, switches out the "Life" paper with a "Death" paper so that both papers say "Death". The man, though knowing this, cannot tell his captors that he knows that it is rigged. How does he survive?

5. What is brown and sticky?

6. Why is six afraid of seven?

Go ahead and post your answers if you know it!

I Can't Get Lost Even When I Try

2008-10-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night, my wife and I met up with two other couples and went to the maize maze. For those of you in Albuquerque, the maze is just past Montano Bridge. We brought three flashlights for the six of us and were prepared to tackle the maze and come out victorious. Before entering the maze, we passed a group of three people who told us, "You're going to get so lost." Off in the distance, we heard screams coming from the maze. This looked promising. I was in a walking mood and was perfectly fine with being lost for a good two or three hours. Also, it wasn't very cold outside and the moon was bright. We could have probably done the maze even without flash lights. We were ready.
There was two different paths you could take. One path was short (about a mile) and the other one was long (2.3 miles). We weren't scared so we decided to take the long one. However, there was a problem. The weather had been really nasty all day, windy and rainy, and we realized this as soon as we stepped inside the maze. The ground was extremely muddy because the corn stalks are so tall that it blocked the sunlight from getting in and drying up the moisture. This was something that none of us were prepared for and we almost immediately resigned ourselves to the fact that our shoes would be really muddy and we couldn't do anything about it.
After about five minutes of walking through the maze, we came to a sign that told us that we had reached the end of the maze. How was that possible? We had only come to about 2 different forks in the road. The sign also posed a question and based on the correct answer, it pointed us on the correct path that led us out of the maze or for the wrong path, it would lead us astray. The question was "Did You Have Fun?" and "Yes" pointed one way and "No" pointed the other. It should also be noted that the correct path was the way we had just come, which all of us decided was a bit strange. Since we had only been there about 5 minutes and having paid the high price of $8 a person for admission, we decided to try to get lost again. We took the wrong path and set out again. We joked that it would be funny if the correct answer to the question was "No" and were actually on the right path instead of the wrong one. A few times, we would see people hiding in the corn waiting to jump out and scare us but we always saw them and pointed our flashlights at them before they could do so.
After about another 5 minutes, we came to the same sign again. Since we had only been there about 10 minutes at this point, we again took the wrong path hoping to get lost again. It was around this time that we contemplated stealing some corn. We decided that it would be really gross to eat and really stupid to keep as a souvenir so none of us did. After about 10 minutes this time, we arrived at a path that led out of the maze. We were frustrated. No matter how many times we tried, we just couldn't get lost in the maze. We went back the way we came and tried for the fourth time to get lost.
After about another 10 minutes, we arrived on the same path that took us out of the maze. We finally decided to give up. We had been there for about 30 minutes and managed to defeat the maze 4 times. We had a map that was given to us at admission, but nobody looked at it except Adam who was determined to find out where we were all the time. I told him that a map was useless if you didn't know where you were. He said he did know where we were, even though he didn't.
I still don't know what happened. My opinion is that the workers of the maze told us to enter where the exit was since we came to that first sign and it pointed us back the way we came. We really never even put much thought into which path we should take. Most of the time, someone would just say, "I feel like going left" or "This way looks promising" or "We went right last time so lets go left now" as if that was a perfectly logical response in that situation. But, all in all, we still had fun and were glad we got to enjoy each others company. I still wish we had had a more frustrating (and therefore more memorable) adventure though. I find that the memories that are best in life are the ones that you laugh at because whatever situation you were in at the time was so horrible. Maybe next time I can have a more negative (so its more positive) experience.

A Question

2008-10-07T00:48:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about sharing some of the music I've done over the years with all of you. Does anyone know how I would do that? Could I even do that? I have it both on CD and in my Itunes (I think the format is MPEG or MP4 or something like that) and I know I could convert it to an MP3 if I needed to. If anyone knows how to do that, please let me know. Thanks.

One Year And Counting...

2008-10-05T11:31:00.000-07:00

Today is my wife and I's one year wedding anniversary. It really doesn't seem like a year. I've noticed ever since we got married that it seems like life has been moving in a damn hurry. It seems like everything is happening so quickly and is not moving as slowly as it used to. But enough of that. I want to share some memories I have from our relationship.

We were friends long before we started dating. We both had a mutual friend (Cory) and because of him, we met and often hungout together. We both agree that we don't really know how we first kissed. What happened was that we were supposed to hangout together with a few other friends and then, for one reason or another, they all bailed on us and her and I hungout alone together. I was attracted to her but (not that she was ugly) I was mostly attracted to her personality, her sense of humor and her optimism on life. We were hanging out and watching tv on the couch and talking until it got quiet. It was in that quiet moment, where it just felt right, that we first kissed. My wife still thinks it was one of our best kisses.

We started dating and it was not even one week into our relationship when she thought about breaking up with me. She went to Provo to visit our friend Shay at BYU, and it was while she was there that she told Shay that she was going to break up with me. It mostly had nothing to do with me, and more to do with things she was going through at the time. When she came back and hinted to me that she was thinking of calling it off, I convinced her that I could help her, that I would do what was needed to help her in any way that I could. She consented. I'm glad she did or else we probably wouldn't be together today.

About 3 months into our relationship, it was my Senior Prom. Stace-Ghost did not want to go and I didn't either so I decided we would spend a special night together. I had spent the past night staying up all night with my friends as we were basically camping out for Red Hot Chili Pepper tickets which would go on sale at 10 in the morning and so I had spent the entire night figuring out what I would do. I actually didn't have a clue till about 3 am. So after I got home from getting the tickets, I took a four-hour nap (since I hadn't got any sleep) and then woke up and made my preparations. I went and picked her up in my newly washed car, opened her car door and had the song set so that when she got in the car, her then favorite song (Shiver by Coldplay) would immediately begin playing. I took her to pick up the food, (I ordered Zio's) and went to my house to eat it. When we got home, much to Stace-Ghost's surprise, (and also much to mine) the table was very romantically set, with two candles, and a deep red tablecloth and nice silverware and dishes. I did not do this. To this day, I don't think Stace-Ghost knows that. What had happened, is I had told my mother that I wanted to set the table really nicely and I asked what ideas she had. She told me and then went about her business. I set the table as best as I could (which was not very good), and my lovely mother, came and re-set it, much much better than I had, while I was gone. I'm still very grateful that she did that for me that night. We ate our dinner, and then I tried my best to play guitar and sing her a few songs. After this, I told her I had an adventure planned for her. I drove her to the Wal-Green's and parked and told her that a few weeks before, I had driven to that Wal-Green's to get her medicine, and it was then that I knew that my feelings for her were as big as an Elephant. When I said the last word, I produced a CD for her that she wanted, which was "Elephant" by the White Stripes. We drove on and next I drove her to the movie theater and parked. I told her that a few weeks before we had seen a movie called "The Hours" and it was then that I knew I wanted to spend my hours with her. I then gave her a book she wanted, which that movie was based on, which was called "Mrs. Dalloway". Lastly, I drove her to the top of the mesa where we could see the entire city. It was then that I told her, for the first time, that I loved her. I told her I'd rather have her then the entire city in front of us. I knew what I was doing was really cheesy but my feelings were true and they needed to be said.

I don't think I've done anything THAT romantic since then, but I promise publicly to my wife that I will, and I'm glad that I have so much more time to do so. I'm glad I have the chance to spend my life with my best friend and my conscience, that we can grow old together and laugh everyday together. Here's to one year down and an eternity left to count.

Our Costumes

2008-09-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

Everyone wanted to know so much about mine and Stacy's costume ideas, that I decided to write a blog about. But first I warn you, Stacy and I are nerds. Our characters are from a video game called Bioshock. Stacy and I both agree that it is one of the best video games we've ever played (and thats saying a lot). The story of the game is that a mad scientist, frustrated with the morality of the world, and wanting to further his scientific work without the bounds of the law, decides to build a city under the ocean. He invites all scientists to join him, to continue their work and reach the ends of their imagination. They do and they make some amazing scientific discoveries....until everyone begins to go insane. Without going too far into it, what is valuable in this under-the-ocean world, is a substance called Adam which grants the user some amazing abilities. This Adam can only be harvested by little girls, and because of the danger from the insane people in the city, these little girls (or Little Sisters as they are called) are protected by what are called Big Daddies, which are men who are in huge armored diving suits, and carry big guns. So, that is what Stacy and I are going to dress up as, if we can figure out how to do my suit. Here's some pictures. Any ideas as how to make it?

Things I've Heard From People

2008-09-24T00:35:00.000-07:00

I have compiled a list of various rumors and facts I have heard from various people and sources. They have no order and no relevance to each other.

1. Even if the government pays the enormous bailout of $700 billion, the country will eventually go into recession anyway. (From an economics student who almost has his degree)
2. The Beck concert was awesome (I can confirm this)
3. Ticketmaster's tyranny must be stopped. A $9 service charge? Are you kidding me?
4. Sarah Palin believes that dinosaurs became extinct 6000 years ago which fits neatly along with her belief in the creationism theory. (I heard this from a very credible conservative source)
5. Albums that have come out this year have been very mediocre.
6. The season premiere of Heroes wasn't that good.
7. The two-party system needs an overhaul.
8. The electoral college needs an overhaul.
9. I need a job. (This is from my wife, family, friends, and myself)
10. Two movies are going to soon hit theaters disparaging two different Republican presidents. One about George W. Bush directed by Oliver Stone. Another about Richard Nixon. There is not a coincidence that these are being released so close to an election.
11. We should be grateful that pretty dresses survived the Great Flood. (from my niece)
12. Splenda is not good for you. (from my wife and mother)
13. V8 is good for you but tastes disgusting.
14. The Cowboys shouldn't have a problem against the Redskins on Sunday.
15. The new layout of Facebook sucks. (from everyone)
16. Nothing will ever change, no matter who we elect. (Sadly, I've heard this from a great deal of people)
17. Gas is going to skyrocket soon.
18. Our bank accounts are going to plummet because of the skyrocketing of gas.
19. Joe Biden thinks paying higher taxes is patriotic.
20. Gamestop takes the word of their managers without even a slight inquiry, even though those managers are treating their employees like crap.
21. People will vote independent this year just because they do not want to support either of the other two candidates.
22. Obama supports partial-birth abortion, which is horrible.
23. McCain supports no abortion, even in the case of rape or incest, which is also horrible.
24. The topic of abortion is irrelevant because it will neither be banned nor be totally freed with the election of the next president.
25. All congressman, senators and representatives alike, should not ever be allowed to be re-elected, so that they might always do whats best for the states they are serving rather than doing what is best to be re-elected.
26. It is scary that our nation is staring at a recession.
27. It is good that we will soon hear a Prophet speak.
28. The recording of my friend and I's CD is going well.
29. Tacos al pastor is a delicious dish from Pastorero's, but only if you squeeze lime juice onto the tacos.
30. My wife and I's costumes for Halloween are going to be awesome provided that 1)We can pull them off and
2) We actually have something to wear them to and
3) At least some people understand who we are trying to be.

There it is. Take it as you will. And remember, these are not my thoughts but things that people have told me.

Another Night With Nerds (I can't help myself)

2008-09-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

Last night, despite what I have said in previous posts of days gone by, I attended another midnight release of a video game. But not just any video game. It was a Star Wars video game. Many of you might not know this but the Star Wars nerd is a different kind of breed from other nerds like D&D nerds, World of Warcraft nerds, or Trekkies. There are certain things which distinguish them from others which I will soon explain.
I arrived at my local Gamestop at about 11:15. There was a good amount of people there but it was not as bad as other midnight releases such as Halo 3, Grand Theft Auto IV, or Super Smash Bros. Brawl. This is a good thing. It made the wait much easier to bear. As I walked up to the store, I saw that there were various Stormtroopers spread throughout the parking lot, a Jedi with a purple lightsaber, Boba Fett, and Darth Vader patrolling the streets. I expected myself to be disgusted by this, but frankly, it was just too cool. Their suits were amazing. They were of movie quality, and when the stormtroopers talked they even had that raspy radio voice that they do in the movies. Vader never spoke but he did have the breathing spot on, and his suit had various lights on it that would light up. All of them were really nice, even posing for pictures with people, with them in poses torturing men or even children. It was really funny. What I later found out is that the store booked them to come to this event. Apparently, they do a lot of Star Wars events.
The store was offering free pizza for the event, and there were people walking around the crowd offering it to us. One of them offered some pizza to Vader. He looked at it with a finger to the chin of his mask, and after a moment's hesitation, pointed to his mask, shrugged his shoulders, and moved on.
I went and stood in line and because I was by myself, I got to thinking. Star Wars nerds aren't that bad. Because the Star Wars canon is always expanding, most Star Wars nerds have to read the books constantly to keep up. This is one reason its puts them at a stock above the rest. They read! And they want to! Most of the ones you will meet in your life are thoughtful and calm, (though annoyingly, if you say anything that is out of step with Star Wars canon, they will greedily jump into correct you). And they don't smell too bad. I base this not off of any scientific data I have collected but merely what I smelled when I was standing in line.
At midnight, I collected my game and went home. Honestly, it was one of the best midnight releases I've ever been to. The crowd was not unnerving like it was for Grand Theft Auto IV, where you wondered if the people gathered there were actually trying to live a life similar to the criminals in the Grand Theft Auto series. It was not filled with kids like it was at Super Smash Bros. Brawl, running around screaming, all talking about how good they were. This one was fine. Everyone was in good spirits and nobody was trying to be mean to each other just to be funny, most notably, myself.

Goodbye Matheson

2008-09-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

My job at the airport, working for Matheson Flight Extenders, is finally over. There is a certain dignity that a person gains when they leave a job on their own terms. This was the fourth job I've had and I have left all of them on my own terms. I have never been fired and I intend to always keep it that way. I've seen a lot of people get fired over the years, how nasty it is, how people get angry and argue and yell nasty things as they leave. But when I quit a job, it is always all smiles. I left today no different than any other job I have ever left. At the end of the shift, I shook hands with everyone and told them that I wished them well. I also told them (which is a sort of tradition I've started with myself that I say when I leave every job) that all of them were better than the job that they had, that they could do better, that they should leave this place and go do something more fulfilling with their lives. Though I say it at every job, I always believe every word of what I'm saying.
One of my co-workers was especially sad to see me go. He is an old Mexican man, probably somewhere in his mid to late forties, who speaks very little english and works two full-time jobs. He always liked me cuz he could see that besides him, I was the only other one who worked really hard. On my first day on the job, he even joked that he had never seen a white guy work so hard. He always would joke around with me (as much as he could), and even if it wasn't funny, I would try to be accomodating and laugh because I could see that he was really looking for acceptance. When he said goodbye to me, I could see that he didn't really know what to say. I told him to take care of himself and to go home and sleep, since I always joked with him that I had no idea when he ever slept. It made me feel good to leave that horrible job in a way that was strikingly dignified. Everyone was sad to see me go but happy for me that I was moving on.

About Time (I Guess)

2008-09-04T12:47:00.001-07:00

Well, I have finally broken down and went to a temp agency for some work. I accepted a job with Accounting Principals and they are supposed to find me some work within the next two weeks. The lady I met with was very nice and I was glad that she talked to me straight and didn't beat around the bush. She told me that even though I have a bachelor's degree, I need what she likes to call "resume builders" which are just some things, more on the experience side of a resume (seeing that my only experience up to this point has been horrible forms of manual labor), that makes my resume look better. She said just some general office work would do the trick and that I should expect to be doing it for the next 6 to 12 months and then she is sure she can find me something better. I will be starting at somewhere around $11 or $12 an hour. Initially, I was a bit upset over this. That is because at my current job at the airport (the horrible manual labor I mentioned earlier), I'm making $12.79 an hour. But what it came down to is that I can't waste time at the airport any longer. I need more experience somewhere and the airport can't provide me with that. Not to mention that my job at the airport is only part time and I desperately need to work full time. So, I'll grin and bear it at $11 or $12 an hour and I feel really great about it. But I want to take this time to personally thank all of you who were praying for me to find a better line of work. I truly appreciate it. I am still a bit clueless as what to do with myself in the long-term careerwise but I honestly felt like I needed to do this before I could more heavily think about the long-term. So thanks again.

A Dream Deferred

2008-08-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

I've been thinking about dreams a lot lately but more specifically about how most of us never live to see our dreams fulfilled. I think this comes from me trying to give up on some of them. Its a lot more difficult than just hitting a switch. In a way, giving up on some of my dreams feels like I'm not only betraying myself, but betraying everyone I ever told about my dreams. I guess a part of me feels like all those people shared in my dream also because they really wanted me to get it. Which has led me to think of the first line of this poem over and over: "What happens to a dream deferred?"
I think many of us deal with this situation in different ways. One way is to totally convince yourself that that really wasn't your dream and that your real dream was what you have already accomplished or are in the process of accomplishing. Another way is to simply let go of the dream and move on. But I also think there are some people who can never move on. I'll even go as far to say that some people begin to turn really bitter towards life when they realize their dreams will never come to them. I'm not sure which category I currently fall into. To be honest, I think I feel a bit of all three. But my question is why do we even have dreams if we know that most of our dreams will turn to poison? Is it so we can learn disappointment? Or patience? Or is it something deeper, like how we could have fulfilled our dreams if we had just tried harder? I don't know. I don't have any answers. But I do know that a man is either with hope or with despair, but never both and never neither. With that in mind, I think I'd rather dream; dream dreams as big as the sky. Why not?

"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men."
-from the book "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by
Zora Neale Hurston

You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello

2008-08-23T01:55:00.000-07:00

This coming week is going to be a little strange. A lot of things are gonna happen. Let me break it down.

On Sunday, Stacy and I will teach our last lesson to our Sunday school class (12-14) as we will be released. I don't love teaching but I don't hate it either. Its a pretty easy calling (for me anyway; for Stacy, who has only been an active member for around 3 or 4 years of her life, its a struggle) and I really enjoy the kids' spirits. Often times, I don't even start class till half past the hour because I enjoy talking to them more than I do teaching them. This is the third Sunday school teaching position I've had and its good to be moving on.

The following Saturday, Stacy and I will be moving back into my parent's home. Luckily, the move will probably only take Stacy and I two hours tops to move, since we have so little of stuff. It'll be good to be back home. Most people don't get a chance to move back home after they move out so I'm grateful that I do. It'll be especially nice to be in my queen bed (we've been sleeping in Stacy's bed which is a double; being that I'm nearly 6'3" and she is almost 5'8", it makes things really uncomfortable) but more than that, it will be good to see my Mom and Dad a lot more before they leave. I feel really blessed in that respect, because I think all of my siblings wish they could have that chance as well.

And now for the sad part. On Wednesday, Stacy and I will say goodbye to one of our best friends, Cory. He will be moving to Virginia where he will internship for the next 10 months. The 10 months isn't so bad but both Stacy and I have a feeling that with so many opportunities on the east coast for him (he is in set design; he wants to create and build sets for theater, TV, movies, really anything where he can get his foot in the door) there is a big possibility he might not move back. Its sad for me but especially sad for Stacy, who considers Cory to be her best friend. He's one of the best guys I've ever known just because of his positive attitude towards life. He will be missed.

However, Cory is only the first. In October, my father will move to Ireland, followed by my mom in November. Also, sometime around November or December, my other best friend Mike will be going to Oklahoma to train to be an air-traffic controller. Luckily, he will only be there three months before he comes back. But still, to lose 4 of my favorite people in the span of 3 or 4 months is hard.

Stacy and I have fun with each other, alone, but we often enjoy the company of our friends. With them gone, it will be hard. I suppose, eventually, you live long enough to see all your loved ones go away. I suppose I'm a selfish friend and son, that I'd deny my loved ones from doing what they want to do just so I could keep them around me, so I could talk to them, and hug them, and offer them advice when they need it. We are all selfish in our love, I think. But it is who we love, not who loves us, that makes us who we are. I'm beginning to understand that.

Happy Birthday Gilbert-Girl!

2008-08-20T02:30:00.000-07:00

Today is my sister's birthday. As has become standard on these blogs, I have included some favorite memories I have of her.

When I was a kid (I don't quite remember how old but it had to be less than 9), it was my birthday and after the festivities, my sister called me aside away from everyone else. She told me she had to go but she wanted to give me my present. It was a toy car of a blue porsche. She said she loved me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and left with her friends. I remember feeling really special. The car was cool, but the fact that she called me away from everyone else made me feel like we were in on a secret together. She made me really happy.

Gilbert-Girl always stood up for me and always took my side in arguments. I thought sometimes she did it just to irritate my brother and sister but I think it was because she was trying to look out for me, just like my mother would. There were even times when she would take my side in arguments where I knew I was the one being stupid, and it would make me feel bad for getting her involved in a ridiculous argument that I started.

I always kind of had the feeling that she would make all of her boyfriends talk to me and like me because they always made a HUGE effort even when I didn't really want them to (like times when I would be playing video games and they would try to play with me when I just wanted to be left alone). It was almost as if I didn't approve of them, then they weren't the right guy for her. But maybe thats just me being ridiculous.

If she wanted to play the Legend of Zelda, she always made me turn it on for her because "I was the only one who could get it working" even though Survival Knife was just as capable. I didn't mind it though because I was just excited that she was playing my favorite game too.

She always told me when I was a kid that I was her favorite sibling. I never really understood why (although I could see why she didn't like my brother cuz I didn't think too highly of him either) but I sure appreciated it.

Recently, I admitted to her that I used to take spare change from her desk so I could play arcade games at the convenience store. When I said this, she replied, "Well, if you had asked, I would have given it to you." I'll always remember that. It made me feel so bad for taking it (as I told my wife later) but also made me feel the deep connection her that her and I have always had. It wasn't that the connection was gone, it was that I had just forgotten about it.

There's a photo I have of me as a child, and Gilbert-Girl who still looks like a child as well, and we are standing in the backyard of our home in Garland. The sunlight is shining through the trees and Gilbert-Girl is making me look at the camera. She has a bright warm smile and she looks as if there was no one in the world she would rather be around. I think its one of my favorite photos of all-time.

Memories are the bright lights in an incresingly dark world. Though she has her own family now, and I have been significantly bumped down her favorite peoples list (as I should be), I'll always remember how, for some reason, she decided to become my protector and 2nd mother, lovingly doing things for me even though she did not have to. I have nothing but the happiest birthday wishes for her. I love you, big sister.

Trying

2008-08-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this for awhile but haven't posted about it because I was kind of scared of the response I would get. But it's built up in me to the point where I have to share. Lately, I've been trying to be...well, a man. That sounds like its a god given right but it really is something that a young man has to learn how to be. I think part of the reason I've had the urge is I'm just burnt out with being a kid. I'm tired of wasting money. I'm tired of being unsure and afraid of a variety of things. I'm getting old. I know I'm far from grandchildren, wheelchairs and pointless surgeries but 23 is old enough where a person has to start growing up. Part of me feels like I can't really be a man till I find a REAL job and start making some real money (which is part of the reason I've been looking so hard for a job). But its other things too. I want to do the right things for my family and my friends. I want to be an example to them. I want people to respect me for who I am. I want to be the guy that people come to for help or advice. I want to be like my brother, or brother-in-law, but most of all, like my father. To my recollection, there is no better example of how a man should live his life. This doesn't mean I'm going to become some lame shut-in who only worries about money and never has fun. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop playing music or video games. But I want to be better. I'm trying to be better. I know I'm a ways off...but I'm trying.

Ten Things I Want To Do Before I Die

2008-07-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

(Not in Any Order)

10. See Ireland and Japan.
9. Write and record at least 100 songs.
8. Earn a ph.d in anything (but preferably in English or Marketing). If time permits, earn a second ph.d.
7. See a Beatle perform. (preferably Paul)
6. See a World Cup match.
5. Meet one of my grandchildren.
4. Finish writing a book. (it doesn't matter if its ever published or not)
3. Take my wife on a honeymoon. (it still hasn't happened yet)
2. Work in either the music or video game industries. (preferably video games-there's not a bright future for the music industry)
1. Live to see the Cowboys win another Super Bowl. (next season?)

10 Things I Thought To Myself While I Was Really Sick In Bed

2008-07-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

10. I have to pee...or poop...oh well...I'll just go to the toilet and see what happens.
9. I'm dying...I'm really dying...this is the end....My wife will be a widow at 25...I wonder who will go to my funeral...I wonder what food will be at my funeral...I'm hungry...
8. I'm gonna puke...I don't think I can make it to the trash can quick enough...maybe if I don't move, nothing will happen...maybe if I don't think, nothing will happen...don't think...don't think...I'm still thinking...I'm thinking about not thinking...
7. Are you kidding me? It has to have been at least 20 minutes since I last looked at the clock...
6. I wonder if I'm gonna get bedsores...I saw someone get bedsores in a movie once...that was gross...
5. You would think people would make ceilings more interesting to look at...I wonder if you could mount a TV on that?
4. Locke really can't be dead...I mean, come on!
3. I better not still be sick when the new Batman comes out...if I still am, maybe I could just get out of bed and paint my face white and say I'm the Joker...
2. Man, I keep getting these hot flashes...can men even get that? I thought that was a woman thing...
1. I think I single-handedly keep Kleenex in business...

Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell

2008-07-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

There is a song that lately, for reasons I don't quite understand, I haven't been able to stop listening to. It's a song called "Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell" and it's by the Flaming Lips, from their album, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. The album is one of my all-time favorites. It starts off as a concept album, about a girl named Yoshimi who must fight giant pink robots to save humanity but then, halfway through, it turns into an album about the bittersweet truths in life. The song (don't be daunted by the name-I really don't see any relevance it has to the song) "Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell" has these lyrics that I can't get out of my head: "I was waiting on a moment/ But the moment never came/All the billion other moments/ Were just slipping all away". The lyrics sing about loss but the music is quite upbeat and happy (which being a musician myself, I can tell you that that was a conscious decision). This dichotomy of loss over a happy backbeat of acoustic guitars, violins and keyboards is (I think) the main reason I can't get it out of my head. If the singer is sad, why is the rest of the song happy? Is it because the band feels that when one loses something, they also gain something else as well? Or is it that they wanted to convey that a person can be sad while everything else around them is going well? And its led me to think a lot about other things as well. Am I just waiting on a moment that will never come? And if I am, what other moments am I missing? Sometimes, I believe we get too caught up in waiting for how things are going to be in the future that we let other opportunities slip by us because we are set on staying on our linear path to the future or whatever thing it is that we really want (I know, I know, I'm swimming in a sea of cliche right now). But sometimes I really think God tries to send us messages subtely (sp?) and he tells us in things we know, like how this has been one of my favorite songs (to me favorite songs is a big category-I probably have over 200 favorite songs) for years but only now am I really starting to contemplate its message both to what the band meant it to say to the rest of the world, and what it means to me. Hopefully I figure out what God is trying to tell me before more moments slip away.
(Below I have posted a video with the song on it...the video is apparently from the movie "Metropolis" but it has no relation to the song and the only reason I posted it was so you could hear the song-but the video is pretty cool too though)

Even More Reasons Why I Hate My Job

2008-07-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, some serious stuff went down at my work. To those who do not remember, I work for Matheson Flight Extenders which is a company that is sub-contracted by FedEx to help sort mail. My company handles 40% of all the mail in Albuquerque. Since there's about a half a million people in Albuquerque, thats a lot of mail. Well, what happened was two guys who work the night shift (12am-4am-not the shift I work) got caught stealing mail. Apparently, the Feds had been watching them since last October because they knew someone was stealing but they didn't know who it was. Obviously, they were arrested (and fired, seeing that they're gonna do jail time) and it threw the corporate people into an uproar. Two weeks ago, one of the corporate people came to talk to us and told us that they had considered firing everyone just to make sure that they had gotten rid of all the thieves. Naturally, this made me very angry and they should consider themselves lucky they did not fire me and everyone else because I would have raised some serious hell if they had. I was so angry because I've worked at this job for over a year and half and I don't steal, I'm one of the hardest workers, and I've only called in 4 times the whole time I've been employed by them. I'm also the only one in our area that has a college degree. Apparently, all of those qualities don't mean crap to them. We've also been losing people left and right. In the past month and a half, 3 people have quit and 3 people have been fired (including the 2 that were caught stealing). This has left us extremely short-handed, requiring a few of us to do the work of many, all while being outside in 90 degree heat. It's ridiculous. I'm sorry to complain but I just had to vent about it.

The Death of Bullet for Babs

2008-06-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

My band "Bullet for Babs" is done. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. We only wrote 10 songs and I only liked about 6 of them. Everyone is still friends with each other, its just that our schedules are too different to get together to jam. "Shambala" my other band is still on hiatus. I don't expect it to be out of hiatus anytime soon either. I think I'll always be in "Shambala" but we will only jam every now and then and I'm fine with that. So, my drummer and I have started to work on some music of our own and its going well so far. We have four songs written and I think we're going to write 8 more. I also have some songs that I'm doing on my own so I'm keeping busy with my music still. Well, thats all I really got to say.

A Hatred of Dentists (Real Original, Huh?)

2008-06-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

I have a dentist appointment today. I'm pretty worried about it. I'm always worried about it before I go. Its a pretty painful experience for me. There are a few reasons for this. I have a really small mouth (thanks to my mother). The hygenist is constantly having to ask me to open my mouth wider to which I reply, "Its open as wide as it goes. If I open any wider, I'm going to dislocate my jaw. And because I'm not a snake, it hurts me to do that." The other reason is that I have terrible gums. Yes, I admit I could floss more and maybe it would help (although I did floss once everyday for 3 weeks in a row and they were still bleeding like crazy) but the real problem is that I am a mouth breather. I breathe mostly through my mouth when I sleep. This means that my mouth gets really dry and becomes sore. I can remember one time a few weeks ago when I woke up, and my mouth was completely dry and when I licked my gums it really started to burn. The only good thing is that I usually always have perfect teeth. So, thats one thing I never have to worry about. But until I can get the rest of my mouth the way my teeth are, I'm just going to have to suck it up and endure the pain.